BW 204 Amy Woody Stand in the Gap
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Speaker 4: [00:00:00] If you've been hurt, disappointed, or just underwhelmed with the level of support and expertise by your church during grief and this journey of widowhood, then today's episode is for you. I hear so many widows say they feel disconnected from church, they feel awkward about church, someone needs to come educate and equip their church because the church has just not supported them, not seen them in the way that would be the most helpful.
So I have some amazing news for you. In my conversation today with Amy, Amy is representing a ministry called Stand In The Gap, and This organization's mission and one of the many ways that they help is by empowering facilitators and ministry leaders with true support in standing up a widows program.
If you have not found that in your local church, you [00:01:00] might be the one called to do it. What? Okay, we are gonna get into this, so let me introduce you to Amy
Amy Woody is the director of the Widows Program at Stand In The Gap Ministries based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Their mission is to empower the local church to leave no widow alone. She has been with Stand In The Gap since October of 2021, and is blessed to be able to fulfill her passion and calling in equipping churches and non-profit organizations in providing intentional care for widows through both small groups and practical care ministries.
Amy is passionate about this calling because she, too, has experienced the heartbreak of losing her husband of 15 years, Darren, in May of 2016. Darren was only 42 years old when he died suddenly of heart issues, leaving behind his 36-year-old widow and 12-year-old daughter, Caitlin. Amy's life motto is to use your hurt to help others [00:02:00] because God knows how to make beautiful things from ashes.
Amazing. I also wanna make sure that you know this is a time-sensitive invite, but Amy's organization is also hosting a conference called Held in Hope. This is their first major widows conference. It's happening October 8th and 9th at First Baptist of Jenks. I'm gonna put all the links to what we talk about in the show notes, and I would love to see you there.
All right, let's dive in
Speaker: Amy, thank you so much for coming on the show and being willing to share all of the amazing things that, you're working on and you have going on with us today.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me.
I've loved you for a while, and I'm excited to be part of your show.
Speaker: Well, good. I love you, too. And we're practically neighbors because- We are ... you're in Oklahoma and I'm in Arkansas. I know. And, uh, so it's just been a joy to be connected to each other. And so- Absolutely ... I know our audience would love to [00:03:00] know just a little bit more about you and your background, and then I would love to talk about what your ministry is doing, and even your in-person conference that's coming up.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to talk about all the things. So absolutely. Starting with a little bit about me. My name is Amy Woody, and I have been walking this widow journey for, um, 10 years now. My late husband Darren passed away in May of 2016. He had heart issues that were undiagnosed, and died very, very suddenly in the course of hours one evening.
We'd gone to the gym and he passed away. And so as a 36-year-old widow, my husband was 42 and I was 36. Mm. My daughter was 12 at the time, and I started on a journey that I know you understand, Emily, that I, I was not prepared for. I had no idea what this world looked like, what was out there for widows, and I felt very alone in my journey.
And by God's grace and goodness, he brought [00:04:00] somebody into my life, um, named Deanna, who went to church with my parents. And she started ministering to me because God had laid on her heart to start doing a widows ministry, and I was the very first widow that she ever ministered to. And through that journey, I started getting involved in her ministry that's, that's called Ron's Way, and it's in Oklahoma.
And after that, God brought me to Stand in the Gap ministries. And so I've been here almost four years as the director of our widows program. And it is just my life's goal and journey is just to see how God can take such broken pieces, ashes of our life, the deaths of our spouses, watching our children struggle with, you know, walking through the death of their...
You know, my, my daughter loved her dad, and it was so hard to walk through that. And taking all of those broken pieces and ashes and turning it into something beautiful where we can give back to others. And so I get the privilege to do that every day now in my life and in my job, [00:05:00] so.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Lovely.
Speaker: Yes. That is so amazing.
And actually, one of the reasons why I really started to come around to being okay with being called a widow, to eventually being so proud to having been part of this community, is how generous and resilient widows are.
Speaker 2: Mm.
Speaker: So to think about the loss that you experienced, the bitterness you could have had- Mm
about how unfair life is- But how big your heart is in caring for other people and seeing needs not being met that are out there and being willing to, to give back and hopefully help create a better experience for widows with hurting hearts. Like, that's amazing.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Abs- and that's what it's all about, is we, we have a choice.
I was watching, I don't know, I was watching some show. You know how it is when you work in this world. It seems like everything, a podcast, shows, everything goes back to grief. And I was watching something and [00:06:00] a widow said, "I had a choice. I could either, you know, get up and keep going, or I could just stop and give up."
And so I think we have that choice. And just to be surrounded every day by widows who are making the choice to get up and continue forward in their journey and say, "What can I do to help somebody else?" And we've all heard those stories. Emily, I know you've heard them, of the people that were never cared for, the people that didn't have DeAnnas like I had, and the people that were all alone in their journey and had to figure it out.
And so our goal with what I do here at Stand In The Gap, and I know what you do, Emily, is just to keep that from happening as much as possible. So that's our heart. That's really the heart behind widows ministry, so.
Speaker: It helps give us a sense of purpose and impact and, and things that often we're looking for when we go through that experience.
Now I have to ask you, being 10 years out, I know a lot of people in our audience will be curious because many times they're within their first three to five years of being [00:07:00] widowed. Mm-hmm. Having 10 years now perspective on your journey, if you could say something back to yourself in the past where- Yeah
where things felt hopeless or unclear, or you had no idea what your future was gonna look like, is there anything that you felt was helpful or anything that you would say to that past version of yourself just to encour- courage yourself as you- Yeah. Yeah ... step forward?
Speaker 2: I mean, there's a lot I could say. Um, I actually, and I don't plug this very often, but I did write a book and it's called What I Wish I Could Tell Myself.
Completely honest. I did write that. I don't even think I told you that. Um, I don't plug it very often. Even people I work with are like, "We didn't know you wrote a book." But it is literally those things. And I, I've read it. I wrote it a couple years out, and then I revised it about five years ago, so about five years into my journey.
And I think the thing that I think stands out the most, if I look back at the words I wrote in that book, or even just, like, what I what I give [00:08:00] advice to widows that are recent, is, like, it doesn't always feel the same way. Like, I know that sounds kinda trite, but it doesn't always feel the same way. It is always hard, but it doesn't always feel as hard as that first day.
Like, that's something that I think I remember waking up the day after my husband died, and I was like, "I'm gonna always feel this crappy every single day the rest of my life, and is there ever gonna be any joy in my life again? Am I ever gonna laugh again? Am I ever..." And I talk about the first time I laughed.
I remember the first time I laughed. And, and I think just, like, realizing that, like, grief changes. It always is part of who we are. I don't think 10 years out I'm not still grieving. I don't wanna downplay that or make that a trite version. I think anybody can relate to that, and I hear that again and again.
But I think the difference is it doesn't feel the thing that it did then, and we can find joy again. We can laugh again. We can make new memories. And, and I think that that's really [00:09:00] important, because we talk a lot here about hope, and, like, having hope, and hope is more than just a feeling. It's like, you know, knowing that there is something ahead, and we have steps to take to get through that and get that hope.
And so I think that's a huge part of it, is like it doesn't feel the same. You can find joy again, you can laugh again, and there's always hope. And, and so, like, for me, I tell people, "Your- God's not done with your story yet. Like, you're still here." So, you know, I think that's a huge part of it, what I wish I had known then, 'cause I think that would've given me- You know, just like a little bit like, "Nope, it's not gonna always feel quite as bad as that first day", you know?
So, you know, I think that's a big part of it for me.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. And what perfect timing, 'cause I didn't even tell you I was gonna ask you that question. I know. So you got, you gotta plug that book. You gotta get that in there.
Speaker 2: No worry. No. I know I'm not a self-promoter kind of person, but you know, it is part of who I am, so yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, well it's there to serve and encourage people. Yeah, exactly. And that's what, what they desperately need. They desperately need- [00:10:00] Absolutely ... some hope out there. And so okay. Absolutely. Well, perfect. Yeah. Well, we're also gonna put that in the show notes, people. So- Oh, great. ... get Amy's book. You'll get some hope and some encouragement, and hear from someone who has this tenure of perspective who is telling you that it can get better, it can be different, versus sometimes we hear from people who say it never changes.
So I think that's- Yeah ... important for people to know. Um-
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker: Yes. So tell us a little bit about the ministry that you're involved in with Stand In The Gap, and what all you guys do. You do some really amazing things out there, and I think definitely fill a need that even our listeners could take and use in their local community.
So would you share a little bit about that?
Speaker 2: Yes, I would love to. I am privileged and honored to be part of Stand in the Gap Ministries. So, like I said, I started working in a widows [00:11:00] ministry with my friend Deanna, and we were talking about all of these things we wanted to do. She did a lot of it through her local church, and we were talking about all these things we wanted to do, and all these different ideas we had.
Like, "We should do this for widows. We should have freezer meals." We did, you know, social events, and, "Do we have small groups for them?" And, you know, "They need help with their cars." All these different ideas, and then all of a sudden, God put in my path Stand in the Gap Ministries, and I found out that they already had a toolkit of ideas for how to do widows ministry.
And so I remember when I found out about the job, it was actually a friend of my... I'm remarried. My husband now was in the ministry, and, um, it was a friend of his. And he said, "I think Amy would be perfect for this job." And so I started researching Stand in the Gap, and I'm like, "These are the things Deanna and I have been talking about.
These are the things that we need." And so, um, I just, I called Deanna immediately, and I said, "Deanna, there's this non-profit that I'm gonna potentially work for that, you know, this is what they do." So it's exciting to see how God has worked that [00:12:00] into my own story and, and my own need that I felt as somebody trying to start widows ministry in my local community.
We're out of Tulsa, Oklahoma, but we work with churches around the world. So our main goal is to empower the local church to know how to care for the widows in their churches and communities. Now, we do have some non-profits that are not churches, but we are faith-based, and so everything we do is, revolves around faith.
So you'll hear that through everything we do. But we have, um, my team, there's three of us now, and we care for people that are doing widows ministry. So if somebody comes in and they're like, "I wanna start a widows program in my church or my community, but I don't really know where to start," that's what we try to do.
So we equip those leaders to learn how to care for the widows, and that looks very different across, across the world. We are around the world now. We're in nine other countries. I believe 23 states Um, and so we have widows ministries represented there. Obviously, it looks very different [00:13:00] in Kenya than it does in Oklahoma, but we still have the same concepts.
Widows need to know they're not alone, they need to have hope, they need to know, you know, that God cares for them and that their church and community cares for them. So we give them resources in written form to do that, um, and to care for their widows. So we walk with them from the very beginning of starting a widows ministry through having a com- you know, a widows ministry that's running, that's successful.
I've had widows ministries that have been part of it since I started that have been running for five years. And so it's a beautiful thing to see happen, and everyone looks a little different. Most of us have small groups or social events, or we have car care ministry, and home maintenance programs, and a freezer meal, and we have a first-year ministry for how to care for widows in their first year of loss.
So we have all these different tools that are online, and they can look at and learn from, and then they meet with my team, and my team just cares for them, and walks alongside them, and prays with them. And so it's a very relational ministry, and we're grateful to be a part of [00:14:00] it, and that's what we do. So it's a beautiful, beautiful ministry, so.
Speaker: Mm. That is amazing, and I just wanna pause because I think some people, you know, it takes a minute or two to kinda sink in what it is- Yes ... that you're- Yes ... communicating. But so many, so many people that I work with have expressed hurt because they feel unseen by their church, or maybe people say the wrong things unintentionally, or they feel like no one cares, or now they're sitting by themselves, you know, in the pew or on the chair.
And church can almost become an awkward place for a griever to be. And I often get questions like, you know, "Someone needs to go teach my church what to do." Yes. Yeah. "Someone needs to go, go tell them." And so I think widows, [00:15:00] you know, what we want you to hear is that you don't have to create your own- Mm-hmm
toolkit for your church. Whether you feel that you are even the slightest bit desiring to want to implement it, or you have someone in your church who is, Amy and her team have created all kinds of resources that, is it fair to say, it's kinda like a plug-and-play option for them? Yep.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah. We often tell
I mean, the thing that I hear from a lot of the people that reach out, 'cause we don't do a lot of, like, cold calling or reaching out. God's just brought a lot of people into our path, and it's the right people. But a lot of them say, "I didn't wanna start from scratch, and I felt like I didn't need to reinvent the wheel."
And so that's our goal, is to keep them from having to reinvent the wheel. And we're giving them, like, from the beginning, here's what you do. And what I wanna encourage somebody who might be listening, and I, I love what you said, Emily. That's beautiful. Because I think sometimes as widows we're [00:16:00] like, "I can't do that."
Or may- you know, or maybe you're not a widow and you're hearing this, and you're like, "I know widows in my life that need that, but I can't do that. I'm not equipped to do that." The thing that's true about widows ministry is anybody can do it if you're ca- I mean, God calls us to do it. It's James 1:27. God calls us to do it, so anybody can do it.
And even if you've never led a group before, we can help you with that. Because if you have a heart for widows, let's say your neighbor's a widow and you've never gone through it, but you just feel called. I talked to somebody yesterday that that's what they're going through. Or you're a widow and you're like, "I wasn't cared for and I want no one else to feel the same way I did."
Those are the people, and we just need you to step in to say, "Okay, now what do I do?" And, and that's where we start to help build. It doesn't take somebody who's- The most experienced leader in the world and knows how to do all the things. That's not. You know, most of the time it's the people with the best heart, and we've seen every gamut of leaders come through our doors that we work with, and so that's what we love [00:17:00] to do.
I would love to share, if it's okay, like, one little story about a leader. And I won't say her name, but she'll know who I'm talking about. But, um, she came to me and she said, "I wanna start a group in my church," and she came from a ministry background with her late husband, and she was so hurt. Like, she was in so much pain.
And I sat in a coffee shop with her in Oklahoma City, and I, I literally had to say to myself, "Okay, God, what do I say to her?" Because I don't know if she is ready to do this. And this was about four years ago, and last Christmas I attended, um, a Christmas party here in Tulsa at one of our churches for widows, and she was a speaker, and she opened up her heart and she shared what God had done in her journey.
She's been widowed about six years, I believe, and- Watching what I met in that coffee shop and what I saw four years later in front of the group of ladies that she was sharing her heart and her impact, and she was changing lives and widows' lives, is [00:18:00] why we do what we do. I literally cried sitting in that audience because I was like, God took something that was broken, that probably wasn't ready to lead a group, and he created somebody who can speak.
And that's what she's now getting ready to do. She's gonna start speaking for widows. And, and I love those stories, and those, those are the people. And so it doesn't take you having it all figured out to start a ministry for widows. It just takes you having a heart for it, you know, and coming from wherever you are and, and starting there.
Speaker: I love the story of that person, and I just, I really resonate with taking the pain and taking the disappointment of what we wish we had, and creating that solution or implementing that out in the world. I think that's a beautiful way of giving back, rather than only shrinking back and saying, "I feel hurt.
I feel like nobody cares." Like, that's natural. Yeah. Of course we're gonna initially feel that way. And if you still feel that way, that might not be the right time for you. But-
Speaker 2: [00:19:00] Yeah, yeah ...
Speaker: when you are ready to say, "I want to make a difference," even if it's just for one person- Yeah ... then Amy and her team have tools that you can use.
And I love that it's not a cookie cutter, out of the box approach. Like, they work with, with widows and volunteers to really understand your church dynamics, what the needs are, and how you can, you know, customize it to meet that. And so that's one thing I love about it too, is that you work so closely. You know, one of my clients has shared that she reached out and that she's had the most amazing conversations and experience with you all, and just sings your praises.
And so, I know that you take the time to listen and to truly be of service to people out there, and I just love that.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you. I have to brag on you since you're gonna brag on us and our ministry. Uh, we reached out to you. We found, I think we [00:20:00] were listening to a podcast and we came across the podcast and was like, "We have to connect."
And then when we realized, you know, you're just a state over, we really need to connect. And we reached out and we're like, "Is there anything you would love for us to have for our, our widows?" Because we were building this first-year ministry with our heart, was how do you care for widows in the first year, because we don't want that hurt and we don't want those people to fall through the cracks and not come back to church and not feel like they, you know, are cared for from the very beginning after the loss and then going forward.
Because we know three or four months afterwards, people drop off. We didn't want that to happen. And so we reached out and we kinda shared some of our heart. And you were like, "Here's my resources. Here's my Canva documents. Use them. Do whatever you want with them." And we have an additional resources section where it links to different organizations that are, you know, do widows ministry, and we have all your stuff.
And you were so generous to give that to us and allow us to use it. And we're like, "Is there anything we need?" And you're like, "No, just use it." And you've been so generous and supportive. And so that's what it's all about. We're working for the same goal, [00:21:00] and so so thankful for that.
Speaker: Yeah. Of course. And I think whatever we can do just to serve and support other widows in the community it just always warms my heart to see, like, how we can impact people, what kind of things that we can do for people who are really hurting and, and really, really need that.
So- Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker: Okay. So, you have an exciting event-
Speaker 2: Yes ...
Speaker: coming up in person. I've been hearing from my people. You want more in-person experiences- Yeah ... especially as we've gone so digital and remote. So tell us about this awesome event coming up in October.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. It is something that when you're doing widows ministry, which I know you understand, Emily you just get these things in your head and you're like, "I got...
You know, God laid this on my heart," and I really feel like it's something we sp- we're supposed to do. So, um, we're having our very first, and [00:22:00] our plan is to make it an annual event. It's called Held in Hope Conference, and it is gonna be October 8th and 9th here in the Tulsa area. If you're familiar with Tulsa, it's in a little suburb, but Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Um, we have widows and leaders coming from across the United States right now. We're hoping some of our international people come. But the heart really behind it and where it all started from is I attended a conference that's related to some of our other things that we do here at Stand in the Gap outside of widows, and I realized there really wasn't something like what I attended for, it was for orphan and foster care and things like that.
There wasn't a lot that was for widows. And I was like, "You know, there's so many organizations that we've been able to connect with," like your own, other organizations through some networking, um, that my team has done a great job of, that, that do something in the widows world. But a lot of us don't know about each other, and a lot of us aren't connecting with each other.
And so I started thinking about that and I k- you know, it's kinda like [00:23:00] I've always loved events. I, I, you know, I grew up in the church. I love a good conference. I love a good retreat. And we had done a retreat for our widows leaders a couple of years ago. And I was like, "You know what? I feel like God wants us to do more."
And so this last year we got a new executive director here at Seeing the Gap, and I was just like, "Here's what I wanna do. Do you think I'm crazy?" And she's like, "No." And I was like, "Okay." So our heart behind the conference is it's a little bit of a threefold heart, so it's a l- I wanna explain that so anybody that's listening can understand who we want to have in attendance.
It is for widows. I want widows to come. They're going to be fed. They're gonna feel so excited about the stories. We have keynote speakers. All of our keynote speakers are widows sharing different parts of their story, and we're gonna have panels that are gonna be widows. There's going to be leaders that lead our groups.
There's gonna be church leaders. We're gonna have breakout sessions that deal with all three of those different groups. So we're appealing to widows. If you're a widow if [00:24:00] you know a widow, we want you to be co- come and be a part of it. It's gonna be a really special, special time. If you lead a group, whether it's a Seeing the Gap group or you lead a group of some kind of widows at your church or in your community, it doesn't have to be in your church, and you just wanna come and be fed, learn some things, you know, get connected, kind of have somebody speak into your life, or if you are a church leader and you either have a widows ministry in your church or you're thinking about it and you wanna learn a little bit more, we're gonna have all three of those areas.
So our panels that will be in our main sessions are gonna speak into those three areas. The breakout sessions are gonna speak into those three areas, so it'll be something for everybody. We are very, very blessed to have generous grants that are funding most of it, so the cost is really low. Currently it's $25 a person.
You can bring a group of five for $100, and we are including some meals beautiful swag bags, I can't wait for everyone to see those T-shirts, all those things, and we just want you to come and be a part of it. And we [00:25:00] are if you're part of a widows organization as well and you wanna come and be part, we're gonna have a resource hall.
I know Emily is involved in some of our things. We're gonna be sharing about organizations that, you know, do widows ministry or do some kind of widows programs, and we're just gonna have as much information as possible so you can go back and you can do the best you can do in your journey or in leading your group.
So we're really excited, obviously. So it's been a long journey to get here, but we're excited to have it happen, so yeah. Yes. It's just coming up. We're
Speaker: so
Speaker 2: excited. That's,
Speaker: yes, that's amazing. And do you have any idea how many people might be coming to this event?
Speaker 2: We don't, we have, we just finished our early bird registration.
Our hope with our early bird registration was to get, like, our leaders that lead our groups that are in our immediate network, and so we've opened it up a little bit more to the outside networks. And so I know, like, last night I had 11 register overnight. So I don't think that's normal. I think it's kinda gonna hit and [00:26:00] miss.
We are hoping to have a smaller group this year. So we're hoping for about 250 this year at max, just to kinda get the feel for it. Um, we are hosted at a church here in Tulsa, and so they kinda have a limited seating for eating. And so that's what we're hoping for. So it'll be a little more intimate, is our goal this first year, and then we'll hopefully expand after that.
So I don't know. Yeah. Well, this is perfect. So we'll, we'll, we'll keep the announcements going, yeah. We'll let people know as it starts getting full, so you know, we'll definitely keep that posted, so.
Speaker: Yeah, that's great. So for, for people who are thinking this might be something that you wanna come to, come this year while it's small enough- Yeah
that it doesn't feel too big or overwhelming. Like, this would be a great time. Yeah. And you could be part of history because this is the first one. You could say that you were there. Yeah. So I think that, um, if you're anywhere near the area, this would be a great opportunity to come to be part of this event and to be part [00:27:00] of making history, of helping equip- More leaders, more churches in actually supporting widows.
And so that, that would be awesome.
Speaker 2: Yes, we'd love to have you there. I, I don't think that anybody's gonna walk away feeling sad. We, we want them to walk away feeling so happy that they got to be a part of it, you know? And I think it's gonna be exciting. I, I, I know it's the widow's world, but you and I both know widows are some of the most fun people.
So we're gonna have a beautiful conference, and I'm so excited to see what God does through it. So yes, come be a part.
Speaker: Yes. Amazing. Well, Amy, thank you so much for what you've shared today. Um, we will put all the links in the show notes, but just for people as they're listening, what's the best way for people to get connected or to come to the event?
Is there a certain website or social media that you tend to recommend people to seek out?
Speaker 2: Yeah. , We have a ton of different options for you to seek out. You can [00:28:00] always email my team. I'm gonna just throw that out there 'cause that's easy. It hits all of my team. So we're just widows@sitgm,
so Stand in the Gap Ministries, .org. So that's a great way if you have any questions. We love direct questions. You can follow our Stand in the Gap Ministries. It's just Stand in the Gap Ministries Facebook page. We post updates about the conference on there. There's videos different things on there, so it's a great platform.
We also have an Instagram that's the same, Stand in the Gap Ministries. So you can search any of those things. Um, and if you search our website, which is also Stand in the Gap Ministries .org, um, you'll be able to see all the conference information on there and learn more about our whole organization and what we do.
So you can check any of those things out.
Speaker: Perfect. And we will put that in the show notes in case you're driving or mowing your lawn, or you can't check that out right now. Um, we definitely would love to see you there and to see you get involved in growing this ministry. Maybe your state will be number 24 that gets added [00:29:00] to the list of states and places that are served. So Amy, thank you so much for sharing what you all do and for the amazing work that you do for widows who are out there.
Speaker 2: Right back at you, Emily. Thank you so much for having me on here. I appreciate you.
Speaker 13: Hey, thanks for spending this time with me today. If you're listening and thinking, "I don't wanna do this widow thing by myself," I'd love to invite you into the free Brave Widow community. It's a private, faith-based space where you can connect with other widows who really get it, join gentle live calls, and get resources to help you take the next small step forward.
To join us, just go to bravewidow.com/free or click the link in the show notes. You don't have to walk this road alone. I'll see you inside
