BW 197: Coaches Podcast
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Emily: [00:00:00] hey, hey, and welcome back to another very special episode of the Brave Widow Show. As you can see, if you're watching this on video, I am here with five special amazing women, and these are some women that I want you to learn more about., As I think about my journey through widowhood, I remember I hated being called a widow.
I didn't want anything to do with that term. I thought widows were old, sad people that did nothing in their house all day, and I was so wrong. And you're gonna get to hear from these women about one of the reasons why I completely shifted how I identified as being a widow and wanting to be part of this widow community because you have women who have gone through some of the most difficult, darkest days of their life.
And not only did they [00:01:00] decide to heal and to learn and to grow, but they are now reaching their hand out to help other people who are on that same journey. And to me, it's just incredible that people can go through really difficult, hard things, and yet they want to help other people instead of just turning their back on the world.
And so I'm so excited for you to get to meet these women of faith who have all been widowed and who are very active in our Brave Widow community. So I'm gonna ask them each to introduce themselves and share a little bit about their background, and then I have several questions for them about their journey that I know you're going to want to know.
Miss Sue, if you don't mind to just share a little bit about you and your story.
Sue: Yes, thanks, Emily. I- I'm so glad to be a part of this and to have been a part of Brave Widow from [00:02:00] almost the beginning and to know you in my life so that you have helped me as a widow ever since I lost my husband, John, back in 2021 on Valentine's Day. John and I were married almost 35 years when he passed away. It was all very unexpected. He got sick in October of 2020, the day of our son's wedding, and got taken away by an ambulance before the ceremony, never to return and to be in the hospital for four and a half months after his pancreas burst and there was nothing they can do to help him.
And, so that left me a widow, my three kids. I lost my husband and my best friend, who we were getting ready and excited to start retiring, like, in the next five years and, and then be able to travel and see our kids.
And I have four grandkids now. I had three back then. I have a little new one that's three weeks old. And all of that just went away. And, I had to, learn how to be a widow, and I didn't like that name either. Emily's the one that helped me to learn to like it, and so I am proud to [00:03:00] be a widow today and to be brave along with these other brave women that sit with me here today and to be able to share my story in any way I can to help other widows who are going through these hard ,times.
Emily: Thank you, Sue. Sylvia.
Sylvia: I'm Sylvia. My, husband and I were married for 44 years. And he was my best friend, and, he was, a special person to me. We were not only just best friends, but we, had interests. And I did never think that he would not be here at this point in time.
I thought we would be together and ri- ride into the sunset together. And, not knowing that that he was gonna be taken. He passed away in August of 2023. And after having a short illness, I would say, he... although he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, but he was doing well.
At that point in time, but [00:04:00] developed a pneumonia and was taken very suddenly. And so we didn't have any children living at home at the time, but we do have a daughter and a granddaughter and so it was something that was, hard to take at the time. But I, like Sue and others, get not, not that terminology of being called a widow.
That just did not set right with me. But I have learned to receive it and understand that, widowhood is a special, community of ladies and is one that I found that God highly looks upon. So I'm, I'm proud to be one at this point. And not only that, but I am a brave widow as well.
Emily: Yes, you are. All right. Allyson.
Allyson: Hi, I'm Allyson. I've been a widow for three and a half years now, and it's kinda crazy to say that. But, um, I was married to my high school sweetheart for 23 years and six days when he passed away very suddenly of a heart [00:05:00] attack. We have four kids, two boys and two girls, and, it's been a journey for sure, and it's been, been very hard, very sad, but also there's been some really good things.
And just so proud of my kids for just keeping on going with their lives, and that's what I really have tried to help all of us do, to just keep trying to live a good life. And that's, what I love about Brave Widow is, like, I appreciate you even just saying just now, like, a widow doesn't have to be an old, sad person.
Like, we don't have to sit around and be sad all the time, and not that I thought that I'd be doing that, but I was just very drawn to creating a life that you love because that's what I tried to do before, and that's what I try to do now. And, I'm glad to be a part of this group and honored, honored to be able to help other people.
And, it's just beautiful to be able to hear other [00:06:00] people's experiences and, and listen and offer some understanding and, and to not feel alone because I found this group by finding Emily's podcast, by finding the Brave Widow podcast just- About six months after, my husband died, I just was like, "I can't be the only one in my 40s having lost a husband."
And I'm definitely not. So it's good to not be alone.
Emily: Yes. Thank you, Allyson. One thing that, that you mentioned was hearing other people's stories. For me, that's what kept me going. That's what inspired me. That's what gave me any sort of hope that it could be possible to actually enjoy life again.
And so I know your story is inspiring to other people too, that you can sit here and talk through that today. All right.
Patti: Patti. Hi. I'm Patti, and I was married to my husband for 25 years, but [00:07:00] I knew him for 35. So almost all of my adult life I was friends with my husband. And he passed away in June of 2023, so this next month it'll be three years.
And I still, honestly, can't even believe that is what we are coming up on. He had an illness which was actually well managed, but then ended up getting a secondary cancer, and he passed away from cancer. And it was hard because it was long. And, it's just really hard to, navigate all that.
I have a son who's a senior in college. So at the time he was 20 when that happened, and both of us were, dealing with that whole situation together, and It was challenging. I enjoyed hearing the stories of Brave Widow because it was something that normalized the [00:08:00] things for me.
I mean, I knew what I was feeling and will probably be answering questions later on, but like Allyson, it was nice to find the podcast and be able to hear people being honest and raw about what they were feeling 'cause I was really resonating, going, "Me too. Me too." And that was like at 2:00 in the morning when I couldn't sleep I was listening to those.
So that's how I ended up finding Emily. But I found this, not only just Emily, I found this community of people who just, we just support each other. And, it's messy, it's awkward, but being able to walk through this time with people who get it and also learning some things to help in this new situation.
Because one of the things I appreciated about Emily was she was thriving and she was showcasing women who were able to overcome, great things and be able to start to rebuild their life, and I [00:09:00] just really resonated with that. And, so it's been a real privilege to be part of the Brave Widow community.
It's been very, healing and made a lot of really wonderful friends here too. Thanks Emily. Thanks. Thank you. Coaches. Yes.
Emily: And Nicole.
Nicole: Yes. Hi, I'm Nicole. My husband and I had just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in May of '24, and three months later he would suddenly end up in the, neuro ICU with a brain bleed, and he spent 23 days there and then passed away.
So never returned back to home. And we had at the time the kids, we have two kids at the time were 17 and 19. So as the other ladies have said, it was obviously very tragic and unexpected. But just knew that I needed to figure out a way to keep moving forward for the kids too. So very happy that I found Brave Widow, and we'll talk about that a little bit later I think on how that happened.
But [00:10:00] just very happy and blessed to be part of this group.
Emily: And we are blessed to have you, and each of you who are here on this podcast today. All right. Now I have a couple of questions, and what I may do just to help with some continuity is group a couple of our questions together as we go through each person.
So one of the questions we have here, and Sue I'll ask you to dive in in just a minute, is to think about before you even found Brave Widow. If you think back to what life looked like before- Maybe you were kind of in a rut.
Maybe you had a moment where you're like, "Ugh, I just can't keep doing this anymore." But what did life look like for you, and what things that you had tried before Brave Widow, whether it was counseling, it was grief groups, it was the books and the [00:11:00] podcast. But what had you tried, and then what was life like before you started working with the Brave Widow group?
Miss Sue.
Sue: Yes. I was basically in a state of, overwhelm, and I felt, isolated. I could be with 100 people in a room and feel alone, just not feeling like my, normal self. I haven't felt normal since, because it's all new normal. But, I saw Emily on a grief summit that somebody else was offering about ways to awaken ourself to the grief journey that we're on and how to, to do some positive steps forward.
And Emily came on, and I saw that, definitely she was experiencing overwhelm and all of those things too as she shared her story and had to deal with, four kids and a sudden death of her husband at the same time, you know? And so her positivity in how she responded and how she had wanted to go forward helped me to see that, that was, a good thing to aim for at least that I, I don't [00:12:00] have to stay stuck where I am.
And, if I maybe join a group that's other widows, that I might be able to have something positive to look forward to because of her positivity. And so when I did join her group and she was bringing up things that were helpful to see, how to get through all of the things that we have to go through as widows, and she was coming up with tools and resources and ways to do that even though she was just as new at all of this as I was it just made me wanna stay as part of that group and feel that support.
And then as more widows started joining, it really just felt important that we all- Had important stories to share and connect with. And the more I started meeting the other widows that were coming on, the more I felt for them in, in my heart, but it also lifted some of the things that were on my heart too, because I was not alone.
I didn't feel that isolation anymore. And I think that's the part that really wanted to keep me [00:13:00] connected to a group of widows, is that I was in other groups with other people that did other things, and it helped me to go forward and create some purpose in my life. I even became an author and wrote a story of my journey of losing John and how to step forward.
But it was the real connection of other widows and not feeling that isolation and feeling that support that kept me wanting to be a part of this group. And as I've seen it grown, it only just keeps m- me so much happier that I did stay and become a part of this group because it is just so beautiful to see people grow and go forward in so many amazing ways, even though they've been through the hardest, most challenging thing that they've been through their entire life.
And it, it builds a camaraderie and a place in your heart for each and every person that comes through. And, I just really feel like that is something I wanna keep doing as we keep meeting new widows and carry that on so that, that we can inspire new people coming through and help them on their journey.
Emily: [00:14:00] Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Sylvia, what comes to mind for you?
Sylvia: Well, you know, what comes to mind is that when before I came to Brave Widow, I was searching for something. I didn't know what the something was, because it was such a... I was in such a devastating place, and the brain fog was real.
But I realized that I needed something that would help me move forward into that next place. I didn't know what the next place was, but to move me forward. And I happened to be online looking for something. Just looking, searching online, and I came upon a podcast that that was being presented by you.
It kept my attention, and I kept watching and it sounded like, oh, this was something that I needed. I had tried other things. I had tried therapy. I had tried grief share three times, and I read all kind of books [00:15:00] on widowhood, just trying to grab hold of something that could help ground me in this new normal that I was entering into.
It was just something about the podcast that captivated me in terms of feeling like this is something here. There's something here that I need. We did a exploration call and, and it was good. We were able to, communicate and connect and it was just a beautiful thing.
And once I became involved and realized that all of the support that was going to be provided, to me that I knew I needed to help me get through this next phase of my life it was the community that was starting to form, within this process that we all had the same experience.
We all had the loss of a life partner, and, and we could identify. And that is something that's so missed when you're going through widowhood. You don't have the people to talk to that can understand. You feel like, [00:16:00] you're crazy. You're out there and people don't really understand where you're coming from.
But when you get with other women who've had that same experience, we talk from the same experience. We understand from that same experience. And we may be different, but we have the same exact experience, and so we can, connect in that way. And and it has just really been a beautiful, thing to be a part of this community.
And I just look forward to the times that I'm with the o- other ladies, and even when I'm sharing in a coaching context. It is really a wonderful thing to learn and to grow from other people, because iron sharpens iron. You don't know everything, but you can lean, glean things from others. And so I just so appreciate being a part of this group and growing as a part of this group.
Emily: Yeah. I love that. And I haven't told you this, but today I [00:17:00] was in a group call with one of your clients that you're supporting, and she just talked about things that she's been struggling with over the past few years, how she's just had a few calls with you and some conversations, but you're helping to set her free from things that have weighed her down for several years.
And so I just wanna give you that kudos- Oh, wow ... and that compliment of how we don't even sometimes recognize the ripple effect we can have of helping people, with things that they've struggled with for so long. And so I just wanna give that kudos to you, that- It's rewarding,
Sylvia: though.
Emily: Yes. Yes. Very rewarding.
All right, Miss Allyson.
Allyson: Okay. Some of the other things I've done to help myself heal is everything. Everything I can find. All the books, [00:18:00] all the podcasts, every resource I can find. I've went to Grief Share. I did another life coaching program with a widow, which was helpful. I would say that everything I've done was helpful in some way.
And I also went to a grief camp with my kids, and I felt like that was really good for all of us. I loved it. I liked it so much, and they only allow you to go once because it's a free thing that's done in my area. And when I was driving out, I was like, "I'm gonna wanna volunteer here." And my daughter was like, "Mom, you volunteer for too many things."
And I- ... I said, "Not right now. I gotta get you out of high school first." But then after she graduated, about a year later she came and said, "I wanna volunteer for that camp." And I was like, "Yay, and I'm going to too." And she got to go volunteer before me a couple times, and we did get to go do that together. So that was another thing that we got to do that was helpful for our whole family.
So I [00:19:00] found out about your podcast. I started listening to it when I was six months out from my loss, and I didn't join for another, year and a half. But it's been very good to be a member. I definitely thought about it for a long time before I joined, and I'm glad that I did, and it's been helpful, and I'm enjoying working with other people and helping them.
And think I answered the question.
Emily: Yeah. You did great. So listening for a year and a half what was the point where you're like, "Okay, either I'm going to do this or I'm just gonna listen," or what was the deciding factor for you or the moment, if you remember?
Allyson: So the deciding factor for me actually was I was really just feeling really lonely one Sunday, and I got one of your emails and I read it.
And you were making an offer that I just was like, "That's too good to turn [00:20:00] down." I honestly didn't think I would stay in with Brave Widow for as long as I have. Not because I didn't think it was gonna be awesome, I just thought "I'll do this for a little while and it's gonna help me, and then I'll move on to the next thing."
But, it's good and it keeps helping. And, It's just really great to be in the program and to work with you, Emily, and I feel like you keep on coming up with a new idea, a new something that I'm like, "That's a good... I can't turn that down," so. It's not that you're, like, in no way manipulative at all, but I just feel like you've got great ideas and forward motion, and I'm like, "Okay, I wanna be a part of that."
Emily: That's one thing I really love about what we do, and I think about the people that we're attracting, is people who love to learn and grow. And there's not a point where we're like, "Oh, we've made it I'm releasing you back into the world. You're done. You're finished." But I'm still learning and [00:21:00] growing, too, and I don't ever wanna be at a point in life where I'm like, "Oh, I got it all figured out. Time for the next thing." I wanna keep learning and growing. And for me, it's so rewarding even to see each of you be at a place where you are helping other people, and you're gonna continue to grow and expand, and help others along their journey.
Allyson: Yeah. It's like, regarding what people that you're attracting, I also love that you're, that you're Christian-based and that you're attracting people that love Jesus.
'Cause I feel like that's such a part of my life and such a part of my core that if we're really gonna dig in and talk about the real stuff and the hard stuff, like, all that's part of it. Just being able to say, "Hey, you know, Jesus is here with us," and nobody's "What are you talking about?"
Emily: Yeah.
When I first started, I was thinking, "I'll do this like Dave Ramsey. You know? Like, I'll sprinkle it in, but it won't have to be exclusive to people who don't believe that way." But it's really [00:22:00] been amazing how many people say specifically because you're faith-based, specifically because you guys talk real and openly about things with God, and Jesus, and faith, and not having to pretend that everything's perfect when I'm wrestling with stuff it, it has been really, eye-opening even to me of like, wow, this is really important.
So, yeah. It's a great point. Okay. Patti.
Patti: Yeah, it's because of the faith-based. Okay, I'm done. Just kidding. Amazing ... to speak to, and I, and that will come up in my answer, to speak to your first question somewhat, what was it like before. I will tell you it felt like I was dropped to a planet that I knew nothing about.
It was hard to communicate. It was, I didn't know the terrain. I didn't know what was coming next. And it was just a really hard place to be at those beginning days and weeks and stuff. The simplest thing was [00:23:00] hard. Getting groceries or making meals or doing laundry or even just getting out of bed, it was hard.
It was really, really hard. And the person who I depended on to get me through the hard was not there to get me through the hard, and that complicated it and made it even so much worse. The other thing was at that time, uh, my son, w- after two months after my husband passed away, my son left for college.
So not only was I a widow, but I was also an empty nester, and I was very lonely. I did have great support. I had some wonderful friends and dear wonderful family members. Some family members had stepped up and they were here. And during that time I really looked for something to kinda help speak to the pain, to speak to what this, this life was, you know?
I was still trying to figure out, to ascertain, your person's not coming home from work anymore, [00:24:00] or, where is my person at that particular point in that time. I had a grief, a hospice grief counselor that I, that I was afforded with the hospice folks because there is, they understand that there's a lot that goes on in grief, and she was wonderful.
And her name was Betsy, and she walked me through. She was supportive and kind, and I did appreciate that, and I appreciated the one-on-one and the care that she had. And in that time also I started looking for local grief groups. But they were not the kind of support,
All they really did was they allowed you to speak about the grief- But they'd really address it, and people were coming in and out at different times, so you really didn't get to meet too many people. I did do some Christian counseling. I also did GriefShare. I had a lot of positive things to say about GriefShare.
I think it was really helpful to me. And in that time I started [00:25:00] looking at YouTube and putting things on at night because I was lonely, I was tired. I was not sleeping, and I did come across Emily's podcast, and I listened to it, and I was really, blessed. The first podcast that I listened to that I heard somebody talking about grief, and it was at the podcast that you had your Betsy on, where you talked about the faith and the, the, desire to look to God and Jesus Christ in your life and the things that you had to suffer with your loss.
I think that the turning point by listening to those podcasts were, I could see that you were a person who was walking this journey. You had faith and that was the key, as Allyson said. I had been going to God and asking him for the support and help I needed to be able to get through this.
And when I heard that podcast about Betsy, I think I might have been listening for a couple months. When I [00:26:00] heard that podcast, that was the podcast I was like, "All right, I think maybe this is my thing." So that's when I reached out and decided to look to you and work with you. And what I said to myself was, I said, "Okay, I'm only gonna do this short-term.
I'm only gonna do it for three months to see what, see how it happens." And I'm still here. So, I was very thankful that God put this in my path. And, this is a hard thing to do, and having people in your life who can support you, who can celebrate your wins, who can sit with you, and I think we'll talk about that later too.
I mean, one of the questions. Having people that can sit with you who understand you don't even have to say a word, and they understand what you're going through because they've been there. They're not in your life, and they don't have your loss. They don't have the person you were with, but they certainly understand it.
It really lends itself to a lot of value in light [00:27:00] of knowing the quality of the people and the genuineness of the support
Emily: thank you. Yes. I had someone tell me yesterday that they listen to me at 2:00 at night so they can sleep, and I was joking with her. I was like, "Yeah, I get that."
People are like, "Oh, I listen to you so I can sleep." And I'm like, "Hey, you know, when you're struggling with insomnia, sometimes that's exactly what you need." But I always think about you when people say that. And I just wanna say you have been so brave. Like, all of you have been brave.
But I've got to walk so closely with you throughout your journey the past couple years now, and you've done so many brave things and you've stepped out of your comfort zone in spite of things that most people would allow to hold them back. And I just hear so many positive things about, you host our prayer night each [00:28:00] month, you create a space where people feel safe and they can speak up.
And I just think of how grateful I am that you do those brave steps because then people get to experience your presence and what you have to say to the world. And if you had stayed small or not been brave enough to do that, they would miss out on that. Yeah.
Patti: It actually was for the companionship. I, I wasn't looking to go to sleep. I couldn't. But it was for the companionship, and to say, "Oh, wow, this person gets it. I'm just gonna continue to listen to everything that she's got, and I'll listen to it again." 'Cause at that time, y- I don't even think you hit 100 episodes.
So I listened to a lot of them over and over again.
Emily: Aw. I love it. All right. Nicole?
Nicole: Yeah. So early on it was that point where, when you were asking, I just can't keep doing this. I can't keep having every morning that I [00:29:00] wake up being I can't... don't want to get out of bed. I didn't wanna have to get up and f- you know, face another day of this life I didn't want.
Still struggling with why did God give this as our life now. But again, having the two kids at home, they were 17 and 19, and they were living at home at the time. So I said, I knew I needed to give us a way to start to take steps forward and be a good example for them.
I knew at that point, I couldn't do it on my own, so I needed other people to, that I, that were walking the same journey, as a widow, a solo parent, for that support and- and guidance. And so I did had, like a lot of the other ladies have said, is I had listened to podcast after podcast.
I don't think I'd found yours at that time. But I'd also done some one-on-one coaching. I was connected to a coach through a friend and she was really helping those early months. So I probably started with her, like, four months after, after, Kirk had passed away. She was definitely giving me hope that there was life again [00:30:00] and after the loss.
But then I was also starting to hear, year two could be even harder, and I was like, " Ugh." I'm just making it through year one. I'm like, okay. So but early on, probably three months, four months after he had passed away, I happened to be scrolling Facebook possibly later at night, and I don't spend a lot of time on there.
But I think I had joined some recently widowed group, Facebook group. A- and Emily commented on somebody's post, and I just so resonated with her comments that I had actually Facebook messaged her, and she very quickly responded, and we exchanged a few, messages. And like I said, I was with a different coach at the time.
I'm like I'll maybe get back to her at some point. So then as year we- as I finished with the other coach, as year two started coming, I'm like, okay, so I reach back out. Again, having done all these other things, I'm like, but I really need this community. I know how important, our friends and community had been with Kirk
a lot of them, like Patti said, there was a, people wanting to help, but nobody super close to me that had gone through this. Definitely thought, "What? [00:31:00] I'm gonna reach out." We had our, like Sylvia said, we had our call, and it just felt that it was real- like, a really good time to, to jump in, and the academy was gonna be starting in a couple months, so I really felt, definitely know that God led me there.
I don't look into the deep comments of Facebook very often, and so it, it was definitely God that said, "This is where you need to be."
Emily: Yeah. I feel that way, too. And for you and for each person here, there's just been so many things that I've seen where I'm like, that definitely was a God thing.
And especially now that we, get to work closely together and just take what has helped you and what you've learned from a variety of places help other widows and to be in that community, I think, is amazing, all right. So our next question here is, in the first few months, what is something specifically that you started doing differently, or something you noticed [00:32:00] differently?
And then today, How has your life looked different in a way that maybe honestly back then you couldn't have imagined? Or maybe something that's changed about your identity or how you're thinking about the future. Sue, what comes to mind for you?
Sue: I think the biggest thing for me is that you allowed me to start giving voice to my story right away., Every time we got together in our group calls, and sometimes it ended up just being you and me at the beginning, you always gave me a chance to share a part of my story and asked me questions that helped me to lead forward. And then you gave me a chance to be on a couple of the podcast episodes for the Valentine's Day one since John died on Valentine's Day.
And it all of a sudden just empowered my story that John wasn't just John that died. John had a purpose in his life, and now I have a purpose in my life, and sharing my story is part of that. And it allowed me then to be able to share my story with more people. And then [00:33:00] as I shared my story, other people were more comfortable to share their story with me.
And to me, that is what opened it up. It was also part of my writing journey and my author journey that... And you also helped me on that, like supporting me on that journey. That all intertwined because, it, to me, the journey of discovering what's possible after our loss it's not possible without the support of other people around you that, that believe in you and that are going through some of those similar things.
So being able to share my story gave me that strength and that extra po- power that, that our stories are important, that they are not wasted. Our life didn't just end with the death of our husband that there is more to the story. That was one chapter. This is another chapter. And, we get to write it.
We have that possibility. And you gave me that chance to be able to write it in ways that I never would have imagined, without your help and [00:34:00] your inclusion and allowing the space for that to be. And that was so important to me and, and now in this time I, I get that chance to still continue sharing my story, but I also get to intertwine it with everyone else's stories.
Some things that I've experienced might help those people. Some things that they've experienced might help me because there's always something new that, that we might be struggling with. And, um, it- I'm- even though I'm five years out, I still learn from every single person in this group. And, it doesn't matter if it's brand-new loss or, or older loss, it all- it's all important that sharing of our stories and witnessing it.
It's kinda like I just explained to it- so somebody that I was sharing with this week that like our husband's tombstones has the birth date and the death date, and there's that dash in the middle, and the dash is our life. That's the important part. We've got our birth date. We don't have our death date yet.
We're still living the dash. With Brave Widow, we get to live the dash, and Emily has allowed us to share our [00:35:00] voices so that we can help other people enhance that dash before their death date gets written on the tomb.
Emily: Yeah. Thank you. You also traveled to some places by yourself, to places you didn't know, and ventured out there and have authored and co-authored a few books.
So you really took your story out into the world, and it's resonated with a lot of people. You're very generous with that, with giving of your time in the community and even giving of your books and just your care and your support for other people. I love that, and I'm grateful to you for that.
So Sylvia, what comes to mind for you?
Sylvia: Well, for me, before, um, Brave Widow, I think my confidence level was, like, in the dumps, because this situation had happened. I- and I always thought I was a very confident person, but when my husband died, it just seemed like it just kinda sucked [00:36:00] everything out of me.
And what I thought I was, I wasn't. And so when I came into Brave Widow and we started, coaching together, you challenged me in that thinking. I was challenged to look beyond the fact that I no longer had my person, but I had me. And it was no longer we, but me, and I had to come to that understanding and had to realize that it wasn't about who left, but who's left, and I was it.
I was it. And so I had to look at the things that I was not doing or, and needed to do. And I, because my husband had a kind of type of cancer where his immune system was very depressed, I wasn't able to get out amongst other people very frequently for fear of, contracting something and bringing it to him because of his depressed immune system.
So I didn't have a lot of socialization. I wasn't able to go to [00:37:00] church and that kind of thing because of n- being out and about. And so I kinda got in that mindset too because I was very cloistered in, and now it was just he and I in that. And so now he was gone, and so now it's just me. And so the loneliness was real.
It was very real. But in that, in our time together, I was challenged to have to become social. And you would always say, "Well, have you been out? Have you gone to have you joined any groups? Have you did this? And I live in a very different type of environment in that I never know what the weather's gonna be from day to day.
And so I would say, "Well, it's too cold outside I can't get out 'cause it's, you know, it's just too cold, you know?" And but in that I was being challenged to move beyond the border or the boundary that I had set for me in this, and I had to move beyond that. So in, in all of the time that I, I was doing one-on-one [00:38:00] coaching with you I was being challenged.
And it was a good thing because there was no one that could speak the language that I understood but me. You spoke the language, and I could hear that. Had somebody else said that to me that had not had the experience, I probably would've rebelled and resented it and all of that. But I was able to receive it because it was something born out of your experience that you were sharing with me because you have lived through it.
I was able to be a little more social. I joined a church and became a member of a new church, brand new church I had never been before. And I began to get involved in the church process. I would force myself because I'm a introvert by naturally, and so I would have to force myself into getting a, being a part of these groups.
And I was challenged in that, and I was able to do it, and as a result I gained a social group. I gained friends. I gained a new community of folks. And the best [00:39:00] part that, about being a part of Brave Little is the fact that what- I have to say and reiterate what others have said, is that it was the faith-based portion of it.
I was looking and seeking something that was going to, I could identify with because of my faith in Jesus Christ. And I saw other groups out there. There were other groups, but they weren't what really, resonated with me. And because I needed to have the freedom to talk about my faith, I needed the freedom to be able to share from that perspective, and I wanted to receive from that respect- perspective.
I wanted to hear someone that was gonna be saying the same thing that I believe back to me. And so it was very important that that this was a group that was a faith-based group. And it was one that was, you had a forward thinking in terms of taking me forward into the experience, and not just allowing me to do what I wanted to do, which was nothing.
[00:40:00] But to actually move me into a place of of moving forward and seeing that there was a future, and that there was another chapter to be written in this story. And that the chapter that had closed, it was closed, and that I needed to move forward in in this new, life that was being given to me.
Which I must say is a good one. It's a good life, and I'm excited about where I am in it.
Emily: Yeah. I love that so much, and even just being able to say "This is a good life, and I'm excited about it," or, "I'm looking forward to it." In the early days especially of widowhood, that's unfathomable.
How could I ever get to a point where I would say that because I do still miss my person. I'll always miss that person. So how would it be possible that there could be anything good about life again? But you're all [00:41:00] examples of how we learn to carry all the emotions with us, and we learn how to navigate missing our person and honoring the life that we had together, and still finding things worth living for in the life that we have left.
All right. Allyson.
Allyson: It's a little hard for me to separate, what's the progress I made because of Brave Widow and what's because of some other thing I was doing. But, as I was listening to Sylvia talk, I, I thought about how losing my husband really ... I mean, I felt completely shattered, just crushed. Just- Everything was so great in my life.
I was just like, I worked so hard to get to this point in my life, and I, and now it's like I just got cut down and and one of the things was like, where is my confidence? I just, where is it? And, so I do feel in doing the one-on-one coaching with you, Emily, that you were able to help me with rebuilding confidence, which [00:42:00] I really appreciated, and really appreciated your encouragement.
I know last year, it's been about almost about right at a year since I was looking at going on this camping trip with a bunch of people I didn't know, and I was like, "Oh my goodness, I'm gonna be leaving my kids for the weekend," and, "Oh, should I do that?" And it would've been so easy for me to be just like I need to be at home with my kids 'cause that's my job.
I'm a mom, and I take that seriously." And, I just kinda got that extra little push I needed from you, and I went and I had a great time, and I'm just so glad that I did that. And so I'm really glad that among all the other benefits that I've felt from being a part of this program, that I've been able to rebuild my confidence.
And I also, just thinking back to the, being in, in the Brave Widow program, I've been through some waves of grief while I've been in the program. Like, I looked back [00:43:00] on 2025 and I was like, yeah, I felt like I had this really great first half of the year, and then it wasn't so great the second half of the year.
And then, and then at the beginning of 2026, I got hit with a really big, some just major grief, and I was like, wow, it's already past the three-year mark. What's going on? But it's just the waves come and I just, I have support to be able to, and people cheering me on around me to be able to just keep getting up and just keep going.
Emily: That's such an important point where I see people will type in the group chat or they'll reach out to each other, or people will say, "Oh, I reached out to this person, and they really helped me." Just knowing that there's a judgment-free place that you can go, and people will actually pray for you
and actually do their best to support you, I think that's, really helpful.
Sylvia: Yeah. Yeah.
Emily: All right.
Patti: Patti.
So the one tangible [00:44:00] thing that we did together, I, when I was coaching with you, Emily, was About the year mark of my first recognition of my husband being gone, was when I started coaching with you. And I think it was about two or three months in, we did the Grief Recovery Method program together one on one.
And that, that was amazing for me because my husband, we didn't have a lot of time to say goodbye. We didn't have a lot of time to s- to speak about anything, right? There was a lot of unsaid communication. And it's like you have this person that's there, and then all of a sudden they're gone.
And all the things that you could have said or would have wanted to say you're sorry for, or something that you wanted to forgive them for, you were just left holding all of that. And really that was the biggest regret I had, was, I could see him, he was dying, and I think we were just really looking for that miracle, you know?
And I never wanted to [00:45:00] say, "Hey, we should have some conversations." We never did that. Doing the Grief Recovery Method program that early on, it helped me to complete those unsaid things that I wish I would have or could have said, and it really gave me, my heart peace with my husband in light of that.
Now, it didn't solve the grief. I did miss my husband, let me just put it that way. But what it did was it allowed me to have peace and closure in my heart and not carry those things. Since then I've actually used it for a number of hard communi- relationships that I've had, because there, there have been a lot of things that have happened since my husband's passed away.
So it, that really set the stage to do some really great work in my life to be able to complete those relationships, to help heal, to provide closure, to forgive, to let go and to move on of old hurts and [00:46:00] disappointments and regrets that I've had for years.
And that really has done a lot of good for my heart in light of talking about, okay, where am I now, things that I never thought I could have. That I never thought I could have those things because I just never took a look at them. But right now I'm enjoying, A, a beautiful relationship, a deeper relationship with God.
Because that was a rocky time when my husband died. I really questioned a lot of things, and I'm sure that there are some other people that resonate with that because you're wondering why, why wasn't... I hear people have miracles and their, their husbands or their loved ones get delivered, but mine didn't, and I was very rocked by that, and it really rocked my faith to the core.
I always, believe in the hope that God has set before us, but just the interactions and the day-to-day with God was just really hard, so that was something, if I could put a second one in there, that was the other one you did with me, and that was good. That was, that set the [00:47:00] stage and helped me to move on.
Being able to really deepen my faith in God and enjoy reading the Bible and looking at His Son, Jesus Christ, and the amazing things that He has accomplished for us, and just building my life back and enjoying more of my relationship with God is great. The other thing that I, I have really worked with is working with my son to build healthier communications.
Because in doing the grief recovery method, I realized that there are some things that maybe I could do better, you know? And I enjoy that with him, and him, he with me, too. We're working to be better at communicating, which, having a teenage son back in the day, and that was really challenging, but now he's a young man at 20 and I wanna build that relationship.
This is two of us in our family, so I wanna keep it open and honest and, someday there might be a young lady that comes into his life, and I wanna have that relationship solid so that I could welcome anybody [00:48:00] else that would come along and to be able to have it on a good foundation. So that's something I, I never thought of before my husband died, but it certainly has been a byproduct of all the work.
I've also worked very hard on boundaries and I had to let go of some relationships that don't align for now. And, that was hard to do. But, I think that learning about yourself and the things that resonate with you and the people that build you up, that you want those people around you.
So I'm very thankful, and I'm very blessed to have beautiful people around me that support me, that love me and are kind to me. And the beauty of having new friends, this community, seeing the love that we can have for each other and the support that we can have each other, I love that opportunity is available as well.
The, then the last thing I was gonna say is, I had a talk with Emily at one point about working. I wanted to go back to [00:49:00] work, and I said, "Well, who's gonna hire this widow?" You know, just and here I am in a community of beautiful professionals here, and we're working together to reach out and to support and to, empower and to help the widows that are coming behind us, or maybe that are here and that just need to be seen and heard.
And I could never have thought in a million years that I would be part of this community, not only, with the support that we have, but also just being able to be part of each other's lives and be genuine about it. I really have been very thankful to God for allowing me to have all those wonderful things.
Emily: And you do an amazing job. This widow does an amazing job as part of the community and in, in supporting other people. And it's interesting on this side of the screen as you sit with people, and you're getting to do that now of sitting with people during [00:50:00] difficult times and during times when maybe people feel like, there's nothing good about the future and this is hard, and you're holding that belief that someday, some way, somehow it is going to be better, and we don't know how or what exactly that looks like, but that there is hope in the future and there are good things, and that you can see things in people sometimes they can't see in themselves.
And so for some of you, very early on I was like, "Oh my gosh, this person's gonna make an amazing coach one day." The struggles they go through right now are gonna be exactly what someone else needs to hear, and exactly what someone else is struggling with. But it's hard to be even open to that in the beginning.
So, yeah, I'm excited now that you get to see that side of the journey with people, and that you get to see all of the ways that you are meant for this.
Nicole: Thank
Emily: you. All right, Miss Nicole.
Nicole: I [00:51:00] agree wholeheartedly with Patti about the grief recovery method.
That was a lot. But it was very- Eye-opening, 'cause, uh, you know, Kirk's, it was tragic. We didn't have time to talk through anything, and so there was a lot a lot there to still unpack and those, those feelings, that kind of thing. So I really resonate with that as well, Patti, and through all that you learn about, different relationships and things like that, too.
So, definitely on the same page with that. I also early on had to after the first couple, probably even month or so of the academy, just started working on the shift of the mindset that I could no longer go back to who I was. Although sometimes those still come, those feelings and thoughts and tears all still come back.
But just also working on not just letting life happen. I think that was very easy to do. It's like just put the covers over the head and just let life happen. But just to start, but instead that I had to start really living that life that God had given me. Even though at the time I was like, "Ugh, I don't know if this is the one I want," but this is what I have now.
The academy really, really helps to [00:52:00] start, looking at that and shifting of the mindset. Also using some of the inventory tools of, that's we've talked about in the, I think the chaos to calm section. So life is very chaotic, especially early on, even still. But I'm, I really resonated with that tool because I'm like that list person and things like that.
So as I was starting to feel very overwhelmed, being able to organize myself using some of those tools was, was really helpful to realize I couldn't do it all. I can't do it all, so how do I prioritize? So that was very helpful. Today, normal days I'm, my much better positive attitude most days in the morning.
I'm still working on I think what Emily kind of calls that 2.0. I deal in things with like software and technical stuff, so like 2.0 resonated a lot with me. So starting to get some clarity there as to what do I like to do. I spent 25 years with my husband, and we loved to do things together.
But now it's like, well, what do I really, what are some things I maybe didn't do before [00:53:00] that, maybe he didn't like to do so or wasn't his favorite? So what can I, what do I wanna keep or look to start doing? As a family we also continue to do things that Kir- Kirk taught us. He taught us a lot of things.
He was a very outdoorsman. So we learned a lot there, and we continue to do a lot of those things together. The family, we love to ski, so I've had a couple trips that were very hard but very healing to places with lots of memories with him. So that's been really good. So yeah, I think- Definitely the faith journey also, has had to become a very big priority.
I don't know how you do it without that. And like I said, I think everybody has said that just this group being able to ask for those prayers or share wins that have to do with things like that too just is very comforting on this journey,
Emily: thank you. All right, so our last round of questions here.
Now that each of you are coaches, facilitators now that [00:54:00] you are helping others and you have seen and are seeing people's journey what would you say, like what choices do you see in widows who experience the most transformation? We had an academy group that just graduated on Monday, and so many people were saying, "Wow, I noticed when you first started coming to the calls, you showed up like this, and now look at you.
You're, like, smiling. You're, like, have something you're excited about." Like, there are some people where you just witness a big transformation, and it's not that life is perfect now, and it's not that you're not still navigating and figuring things out. But some people you do get to see that, that growth or that transformation.
As a coach, as you get to see some of that now, what are some of the choices you see people make or the things people do that you think has [00:55:00] helped them make those changes? And then what would you say to someone who's listening to this and, and they're thinking about reaching out for help, or they're thinking about plugging into either this or a similar type community, and they're thinking, "Uh, I don't know.
This is maybe not the right time," or, or, I'm too broken. I'm too far gone. There's no hope for me." What would you say to that person? All right, Sue.
Sue: I just, I see the biggest thing as taking a little step, a little baby step, whether it's, they're having a, something uncomfortable they have to do, or something they're really scared to do, or something that feels overwhelming. Any time I, I've seen them take a little step in a, in some little way it always helps them to feel a little bit more empowered, a little bit more in control, a little, have a little bit more confidence in who they are and in what they have to do.
I [00:56:00] also find that having that supportive community to nudge them on, because we have our chats that we have to talk in so that we can support each other. And I feel like those chats are a good way that we can jump in and support somebody that's having a rough day. And then you see them get through it, and they come back and tell us, what happened that helped them to get through, or they come back smiling, or they come back with a new story, and all of a sudden it's brighter again.
And, and so those kind of things of just getting through those hard things by taking little steps and having that support.
Having people with you and not feeling that isolation, no matter where you are on your path is what helps the most. Because everything's scarier by yourself, everything's more uncomfortable by yourself.
Just joining into the community, even if it's just for some of the free things that we offer that, that give you a chance to see, who we are, what we do. Just take a taste of that and see who, see how that resonates with you. And give yourself that chance not to have to feel isolated, because that's what [00:57:00] helped me the most, was getting through those alone times, no matter, how hard and scary it was.
Any time I got to be with a group and find out that I was not the only one, it made a big difference.
Thank you. All
Emily: right. Sylvia?
Sylvia: I think I would agree with Sue. It's seeing those people take those small steps, incrementally. It's not done. It's not a race, it's a marathon.
That's what grief is. This grief journey is the, is a marathon, so you don't get over it overnight. And so, then with those, clients as they're sitting with you see them one way today and then maybe the next time you see them, there's a glow or there's a smile or you see them with a different something on.
Maybe they have a new hairdo or maybe, a new outfit or something or some color that really brings their complexion out. But you see that, they're coming alive again. That you see them coming out again. And so it's those little small things that... [00:58:00] And you make note of them.
You make a whole lot to do about it, you go all into it about, and just to encourage because it's so needed because the person that they used to have to do that is not there anymore. The person that says, "I love your hair," or the person that, "Oh, that's a nice lipstick color," you don't have that person anymore.
And so when you get someone that can really that can really identify with the fact that you really need that encouragement, you need to be, lifted up in that way, it's always a bright day. It's always have blessed me, and so I know that it's a blessing for others. And a- along with that is that, what would I say to a person that's on the, on the, border or is thinking about it?
I mean, I was on the border, too. I mean, so I get it. You know, I was on... You know, I, because I'm not a joiner kind of person, and then an online person I'm not that, and so for some people it can be a little scary. It can be a little bit scary because I [00:59:00] don't know, mm, I don't know about this.
But, I'm here to tell you it's cool. It's all right. You can do it. And and if you are on the cusp, pray about it and see what God is saying to you about it. I prayed about it for a long time. And I believe that God led me. It was no other way for me to find it, so I have to believe that He led me to Brave Widow, and that's where I have to position myself, and that's why I'm still here because I believe that I was led of the Lord to do it. And so I would say just really, committed in prayer and see what God says. But I believe that if you found it, God led you to it, He'll, take you through it.
And so just, know that, yes, it's a decision, but it's one that you can make, and it's easy. It'll be easy.
Emily: Mm. Yes. Thank you. All right. Allyson.
Allyson: So what I... I think people who move forward and make progress, I think it's- The willingness to keep [01:00:00] trying. Just keep trying.
Also a willingness to forgive yourself and just, like you're gonna make mistakes. You're gonna make lots of mistakes. It's okay. Just keep trying, keep forgiving. And you asked like what, what do I say to somebody who just thinks there's no hope
And I wrote in capital letters, "There's always hope." And I'm so glad I can say this here, because I know that there's always hope because of Jesus Christ. And that's my, that's what I hold onto. And what I would say to somebody who doesn't know if they should join or not I would say Emily is offering a whole lot of stuff for free, and all you gotta do is put your name in and your email address, and you really have nothing to lose.
And you can check out the free stuff, and that's gonna give you a really good feel for, okay, is this for me or not? 'Cause you're gonna know if you, participate in some of the free things, and I think it's [01:01:00] great how much is offered for free. So that's what I think.
Emily: I agree. I can't remember the verse offhand, but the Bible talks about where there is no vision, there's no hope, people perish. And so that has always been one of our goals, is just how do we help people even have the tiniest seed of faith or hope that there's even a possibility that life could be good, or that there's something on the other side of the grief and of where they are. All right, Miss Patti.
Patti: There's always the, the thing about being part of the last, and I'm sorry for you, Nicole, because you're going after all of us 'cause pretty much everybody has said what I could say. I really think that, for those who move forward or see transformation, I agree with what Sue had mentioned with just making the choice- To do small little things, to put [01:02:00] one foot in front of the other, to take your time. If you need to, if you need to have, some advisors around you to do something.
Let's say you got a plumbing thing, I don't know. Small thing, right? You never dealt with a plumbing thing because your person always did that. Well, that's overwhelming, but you gotta deal with plumbing things. They just don't go away. So being able to say, "Okay. Well, I know somebody who had plumbing things in their house.
I'll call them and see if I can get a plumber." And you talk to them and maybe you find out, oh, this guy is really good or this lady is a really good plumber and then you find, oh, okay, well, I can call this plumber and this plumber will come and fix my thing. Maybe you didn't wanna do that. Maybe that was really hard.
But out of that little example, that's really what we end up doing in our lives when we deal with our people. Maybe you have to deal with Social Security. Maybe you're dealing with your kids. Maybe you're dealing with your car now. All of these things [01:03:00] amass into your life, and without the person who was there, now it falls on you to deal with.
So we could either curl up and, put the blanket over our head and decide we don't wanna do that, or we can embrace it as messy as it might be. We might be crying as we're calling the plumber . We might just have a lot of, of trouble. Maybe you need a lot of encouragement, but you take that one step, and then you get a little confidence.
And then maybe the next step you have to, I don't know, you have to open up a bank account or something. Okay, well, I have people that can help me, and I can, I can do this. I can do... I'm capable. I can do this. So those little things that we do or, maybe they, they're not a big deal or they seem like not a big deal, but they are a big deal.
When you're doing them one at a time, that's just life. And then when you turn around and you look after a year, you're like, "Wow, look at all the stuff I did." And then you realize, I'm not the same person. [01:04:00] Maybe I want to learn how to, paint or maybe I wanna do other things. So being able to start looking at things in your life that you can change that can resonate with you better.
So all of these little, little choices, little steps that you have to make at the beginning of your journey and through your journey, they're just transformative. So when you look back, I'm be- three years, I can see a lot of different things that have changed. Not because I was like, "I'm gonna change my life."
It was, I have to call the plumber. I have to do this. Oh, I'm gonna take a look at what... Maybe I'll go to the symphony. I like the symphony. It's great. I'm afraid to go to the symphony. I don't know anybody. How am I gonna, you know- All the things. So that's the small choices are gonna lead to big transformations.
Now what I would say to somebody who thinks that they're too broken or that, that is this the right time, I would say you are here listening to us right now. You [01:05:00] have been through so much. And I know that it's been really hard, and I think all of us have expressed the fact that we were in that place too.
This community that we have developed there is place to hold people in their in the hard things, and it's genuine and there's care, and there's ... A lot of times you don't get that.
When you're a widow and it's been more than a year, people kind of forget. They go back to their own lives. Not that's a bad thing. It actually is a good thing. People go back to their lives, but you're still living that widow life, and having people who are, are there and can support you and witness what's happening and allow you to speak to what you're dealing with and feeling, that's really, priceless, really.
And then also, we celebrate each other's wins when we ha- You know, we're a community. We love to hear the good things that are happening. It lifts us up, not to have that is hard. [01:06:00] So being able to step together through this healing process, we're all on different journeys, we're all different years it's helpful to be together.
And you can always just try it. Like Allyson said, there's a lot of free things. You can go on and you can hear a lot of podcasts. You can take a lot of courses that Emily has. You can see what that's all about. And you can try it. You might not think you're ready, and you might find a number of people like you that weren't ready in this community.
And, who's ever really ready, right? But connecting with our community and, just being able to have the solid resources of education and just the ability to talk to each other has been really great, and I think if you try it, I think you have the ability to find the support that you need and, the friendships that, that can build for a lifetime.
So thanks. Thank you, Patti.
Emily: All right, Ms. Nicole, bring us on home.
Nicole: You guys [01:07:00] had all great points. I'll just add on a couple more. I resonate with everything and agree with everything that all the coaches have said.
I think some of the other things are, to start experiencing that transformation is just to be honest about where you really are, not the I'm fine version. But you know, the true brave and vulnerable truth that you're maybe not fine. That transformation really can start, when we'll just allow ourselves to be human, and give ourselves that, I hear, the word grace a lot, I think through all of this.
But that grace that God offers us. I also think, I think you guys mentioned too about community. To intentionally seek community and support, and I think what I don't know if it was in Grief Recovery Method, but we probably talked about it in Brave Widow too, just the safe people that are gonna be giving you that safe space.
And then to let others walk with you. Sometimes it's, really hard to ask for that help or just, can you just listen to me cry? Or, whatever it might be. And then again, and we're definitely [01:08:00] not broken. Emily I think reminded us all that very early on. We're not broken.
We don't have to be fixed. I've heard that in with other grief podcasts and things I've listened to too. But you don't have to have it all together to start. You don't even have to feel strong, 'cause you probably are not feeling that right now early on.
The healing doesn't wait for a perfect moment. It's messy, exhausting, overwhelming. So in all those places, I think that's where you really is a great place to start.
Emily: All right. Thank you, and thanks to each of you for being willing to come and do this podcast. These guys, this isn't their background, is to be on camera, on Zoom, and to be so public-facing.
And for some of them more than others, it's really, really, really outside of their comfort zone. And so as you can imagine, most of us as widows, we want to be on the more private side. We want to have that [01:09:00] confidentiality and to process things very personally. And so it takes a lot to put your face out there, to put your story out there, to be willing to share that in the hopes of inspiring and helping other people.
So I'm deeply grateful for everyone here, and I hope that you guys also help me express your gratitude for the insights that they've had to share. And if you would like to work with any of these ladies, they each do a version of one-on-one coaching, or they lead different groups or classes within Brave Widow.
You can find out more about them on the bravewidow.com website under, About, under the Coaches page. You can read a little bit more about their individual story. But I imagine as you've heard them talk, you might have found someone that you resonate with. So, thank you for tuning in today. And ladies, thank you for coming on this big, scary [01:10:00] Zoom and sharing about yourselves- Can I add something?
on the podcast. Yeah. Yeah.
Allyson: I just wanted to add, I don't know if this'll really fit into the podcast, but we talk about widows and the women, and I just wanna say it's a group for men, too, and widowers. And I think the men add a lot of, a lot to the groups. There's not a lot of them, but I think that it's helpful to have men here too with us.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah. To get
Allyson: their perspective.
Emily: Thanks for adding that. We may have to do a special episode with just the guys because ...
Allyson: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that would be great.
Emily: I think they're incredibly brave for- Mm-hmm ... being willing to be outnumbered by so many women and still just jump in and participate and be so open.
Yeah, I think they definitely add a special flavor to what we do.
Allyson: For sure.
Emily: If you're tired of feeling lost, lonely, and second guessing every decision, my coaching program is meant for you. I help [01:11:00] clients find clarity, create real connection, and build confidence up for good. Inside
Speaker 9: the Brave Widow Academy
Emily: you'll learn real tools that you'll be able to use for a lifetime.
If you're ready for the next step, go to brave widow.com to book a consult. It's free. It's no pressure, and it can be your brave next step to healing your heart and building a life you love again. Go to brave widow.com today to book your consult.
