BW 196: Renew Retreat with Denise
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Speaker: [00:00:00] Hey, hey, and welcome back to another episode of The Brave Widow Show. Today, I have a very special guest, Denise, with me, and we're gonna talk about, some about her story, and also about the Brave Widow Retreat that's coming up at the end of June. So Denise, welcome, and thank you so much for being willing to come on the show today.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Thank you for having me, Emily.
Speaker: Yes. So Denise, Denise and I meeting and working on this retreat together was definitely a God thing because I met Denise, I think it was through Brave Through the Holidays- Mm-hmm ... which was a pop-up class that we did, over the holidays on how to make the holidays a little lighter and easier.
And so I got to know her a little bit in that. I had been looking up event planners and I was at my computer, and I had my email, and I was like, "I've really got to email an event planner and [00:01:00] just get the conversation started."
And Denise just sent me this message, like out of nowhere, that was like, "Hey, if you're ever thinking about doing an in-person event or retreat, this is what I do. This is what I enjoy doing." And so the conversation has just grown from there. So Denise, before we talk about the retreat and where we're going and what that looks like, I know people would love to learn a little bit about you and what you're, comfortable sharing with your story.
So, would you mind to introduce yourself?
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I've appreciated getting to know you and the groups and things that you, have offered. I am still in my first year of widowhood. And my husband was, got sick last year in June. And it's May now. I was thinking this time last year, we were still, like, happy-go-lucky, like, didn't know anything.
He was [00:02:00] having no symptoms. And, he just got a really bad type of cancer, and, three months later he passed away in September. And, um, so it was really fast. My body's still trying to catch up with my brain on all the changes. Um, he was very sick and a lot of pain. But yeah, and it was just very fast and quick.
Hmm ... before I met him, we have a really fun... I'm not gonna, I won't tell you the whole thing 'cause it would take too long, but, we have a really fun story of how we got together. It's, it's one of those stories, like, I need to write the whole thing down because it's one of those, hallmark type of meetings, and it's just super fun.
And, he was a super fun type of guy, and so everything we did was always filled with fun. And I was living in Southern Oregon. I grew up in Northern California, Southern Oregon. I grew up on a farm. My dad was a potato farmer. And we, literally lived in the middle of an open field.
My grandparents were homesteaders to the area. And, the nearest city that we would go to, which is still pretty [00:03:00] small but had all the major things, was in Oregon. So we would cross the border all the time to the border. In fact, my grandparents live, and now my sister also lives on the same road.
It's called the State Line Road, and they live on the north side of the road, which is in Oregon, and if you live on the other side of the street on the south side of the road, you live in California. So that's where I grew up. That's where I was living after I graduated college and was working and met one of my closest friends, and she introduced me to my husband who was living in Seattle, and Seattle was always a place I always wanted to live.
And, um, so I was like, "Perfect. This guy's great." So we came and we I met him, and we instantly hit it off. And I moved up there nine months later. We got engaged four months later, and were married another four months later. Wow. And we bought our home that we still have today, and, that's where we were, that's where we were living the whole time we were married.
And we built, we have three kids, and we, [00:04:00] um, we just built this beautiful life up there, and had a great marriage and had to overcome a lot of obstacles and, and all. He was from a different culture, so there's a lot of cultural things we had to, work through as a couple. But we he was my best friend, definitely.
Speaker: What were some of your absolute favorite things about him?
Speaker 2: The way he'd make you laugh. That, yeah, he had the best sense of humor. And he had one of those laughs too where he just... a booming laugh. Like, I got a text from, like, one of his coworkers the other day that's like, "I just miss his laugh.
He'd be sitting there and from across the, you know, across the, the office area you could hear his booming laugh, at something somebody would say," and he loved to make people laugh. He's caused me to pee my pants laughing type of guy. That's amazing.
Speaker: And,
Speaker 2: yeah. And I love too that he, uh, both of us are pretty extroverted.
We both have lots of friends, and one thing I really appreciaba- appreciated about him was his friends. He has so many close [00:05:00] guy friends that are just his besties, and I just, I love that about him too. People and relationships were very important to both of us, and that was really reflected in the way that we lived out our life, the way we welcome people into our home.
And I can't even name the amount of people we had live or stay with us over the 25 years we were married, so, or together. And he passed away just shy of our 25th wedding anniversary, so I- there's a lot to miss about him, but, as a widow, you know, like right, like right after he passed away I did all the funeral planning, which was a ton of work.
And then then after the funeral I had to, immediately go into the, the... I d- I think they have a term for it even, the business of widowhood.
Speaker: Like the administration- ... the sad, sad man.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah. Is that what it's called? Yeah. But yeah. I mean, that was... And my husband was this brilliant engineer.
And like most brilliant people, he wasn't known for his organizational systems, [00:06:00] and he did most, he had taken over most of the, um, payments and everything, so everything was a hot mess. And I don't know. We had so, we had so many bank accounts. Everything was from everywhere. I, I didn't know any of his passwords, any of that stuff.
So just to- Oh ... look up one simple password would be a two-hour process to get it changed. So that was just in- the, the intensity of all of that. Um, we had one credit card, but come to find out it was only in his name, so they canceled it and I had to... I was out without a credit card, and I didn't know what...
We paid a lot of our home bills on it. So I was, so it's like I still didn't have time to grieve ...
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 2: And now we're two months in. You know, it was like every day, it was like a 40-hour w- work week job just taking care of that business stuff. And every day having to say, "Oh, my husband died.
My husband died," right? It's like I think I went five months before I had one day where I didn't have to say that. Yeah. And, um, I think that that's, the intensity of all that is a lot. But we, um... [00:07:00] So it got to the end of that month, and then I had a I had one of my kiddos had a mental health crisis. And, um, then had to deal with that, right?
And, and so I finally got to around the holidays, which Christmas especially was a huge thing for us. It was a big deal. We had a lot of traditions. We l- we're both very big into our traditions, and we do this every year, so we have to do it again. And so we had a lot of really fun traditions.
So I just didn't wanna do any of it, and I was exhausted. I hadn't had that deep grief yet. Like, hadn't had the space or time just to have that deep grief and just grieve. And so,, it was about the week before Thanksgiving, and I ended up at my mom's house, and I finally was just able to let down and just cry, right?
And it was my first time, before Thanksgiving. I don't think a lot of people like, knew or understood that of going through all of that. But it was that time that I found you, 'cause I was like, "How am I gonna survive the holidays?" But it was so... I can't tell you how lucky, lean it was to be, like, in the house I grew up in.
I [00:08:00] think a lot of people with widows don't know what to do. And I think for my mom it was like, "Oh, I can, I can feed you. Like, I can give you space." Right. And I was out in the middle of nowhere, but yet I had these beautiful sunsets every night that I was looking at. And I felt safe there, and it was quiet, and I could just grieve.
I don't think I got out of my pajamas for two days and and that type of thing, and just was able to grieve. And so I... But I was starting to look around. I know how important groups are and finding other people that understand what you're going through and how important that is. And that's when I found, and it was funny 'cause I found you on TikTok, and I look at, I think the last time I looked at TikTok was probably in November when I found you, and I literally looked at it for less than two minutes. So I think even finding this group was a God thing for me. Mm. Because it just, it's, I'm not a... I just don't like that app, and I just happened to go on it, found you, and haven't gone back on it since type of thing.
But you were like, "Oh, I have this thing about surviving the holidays." And then I'm like, [00:09:00] "I'm there," because I don't know how to survive. You know, my brain, your, you know, frontal lobes go out, and you're like, "I can't think anymore," and the brain fog's thick, and I don't know how to take care of myself.
And the holidays were hard. They were very hard, but I really appreciated the support that I got from that group. was really, and just having other people that understood it was really great. And it got to the end, you went through New Year's, I think it was, and it was right after New Year's, and I basically had been spending a lot of time down in Southern Oregon.
And, um, it was looking possibly even that, like, come down here and should I move down here? And I, I have a lot of family in the area. I have my mom, my sister, aunts and uncles. I think I have 10 cousins and all of their spouses that I'm related to. Wow. Plus a lot of my childhood friends live here.
One of my closest childhood friends lives at this resort that's in the Southern Oregon town. So every time we'd come down here, we would we'd usually come out to the resort. So I have pictures of my oldest, who's now [00:10:00] 22, and her daughter, who's 23, when they were little babies. And, at the pool at this resort that she lives at.
And there's a golf course here. And I golf, but I'm not... It's, it's a world-renowned golf course for those people that are golfers. It's like an Arnold, Arnold Palmer golf course. I golf, but I'm not good enough to golf there yet. I'm more like, more like hit the ball, walk to it, hit the ball, walk to it.
So, but, yeah, a lot of people that are really into golf are like, it's a, say it's an amazing course. And and it has an ice rink i- here that, we've come up many times and gone ice skating. I think, we went broom hockey one time. I have this great picture of my husband with all the kids. And they were, it was at the very end, and we took I think we'd all come to my mom's for the holidays or something, so we came up here.
And there's a picture of my husband with his broom, you know, hanging above his head and all the kids in front of him. It's just a really sweet picture- Aw ... of everybody together that had done broom hockey. But,, this [00:11:00] resort is just, I've been coming out here a lot, and it's just been a place of this peace and healing for me.
And, and so it was right after that, I like kind- it was at the very end of this thing and I was kind of flippantly, "Hey, if you ever want to do a retreat," I have, I love planning retreats. I have, I've done a lot of retreats in my past. Been the main planner. I love to plan and organize. And, um, and I just did one, was it that?
It was just last year. Yeah, it was last year in May. I wasn't the original planner, but it was for, um, a good friend of mine, and her mom had passed away, so she kind of, "I can't do this anymore." And I'm like, I just jumped in and took over 'cause it's just- It's, I've done them enough that it's just something natural that I do.
And then, I was like, "This would be such a great place for a retreat." I have a bunch of retreats planned in my head. I have some written out on paper. And, um, so they- yeah, I contacted you of like, "Hey," kind of flippantly said, "Hey, if you ever want to plan a retreat, I have a great place here in Southern Oregon."
[00:12:00] And it would be very easy for me just 'cause I know the area really well. I know which airport to fly into, I know which you know, I know what there is to do in the area. You know, all the ins and outs. And so I just like, I, I think I kind of flippantly said it, you know, in some sense like, "Oh, hey, would you want to plan a retreat?"
But like you said, the timing was impeccable. It was- Right? It was amazing. Yes.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, it was. I mean, it was like I couldn't, I couldn't have made it up because I liter- like when I say I had my email pulled up when I saw your message come through, I'm like, "Okay, this has to be a God thing." Like, I don't even have to contact someone else.
And just in the time that I'd gotten to know you and even through your own, sharing in the group, like I could tell that you were a very organized person, that, you are a professional, in many ways of what you do. And I, I don't know, I just had this peace of like, okay, I've never been to Oregon.
I don't [00:13:00] know anything about this resort, but I have someone there that, I trust, that we've started to build a relationship with, and she knows the area, she knows,, a great network of people who can do different things. And over time, to me, it's just been amazing of like, oh yeah, this person could help with that, and they're a widow.
Oh, this person could help with that, and they were widowed. And it's just wow, how God can pull these opportunities and these people together to create something that I, I, I didn't have any idea it would look like that. I didn't know what this retreat was going to ultimately end up becoming. But the more that we talk about it and plan it and flesh out what it's gonna look like, the more excited I get about like how amazing I think that it's going that it's ultimately going to be.
So I'm so glad that you sent that message and, that you're willing to do that because [00:14:00] most people probably have no idea how much work and planning and coordinating and phone calls and boo- Like how many times you've messaged and said, "Hey, I went here and I talked with, with these people and I went and toured this ar-" Like it's a lot of time and energy to do that.
It's a big deal.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's, I'm definitely familiar with the area and have a lot of good networking here that I can just like, "Hey, I can grab this person," or, "I know this person," or, "I can ask that person.", It is a small town area, so everybody kind of knows everybody, so it's easy to get those connections with different people and pull them in.
And so that part's been easy. And I think it's, But there is, there's a lot of details that go into it. I think for me, it's been great, 'cause it's made me be here a lot and, and I can't even tell you, and I don't... i'm really hoping and praying that everybody else experiences this too, and I'm like, I don't know if it's just me, but it's like there's a road that...
There's a kind of a, a small highway that goes by [00:15:00] the resort, and you can turn into the resort. And every time I turn into the resort area, it just, I just feel my nervous system calming down. I can't even explain it. I just feel so much peace here, quietness, and, and I'm just experiencing healing every time I come here.
And so I just really, I really appreciate that, and I'm really hoping and praying that that's what everybody else can experience too. Mm-hmm. And it has... And, and I think it's weird. I think when you grow up in w- an area, I don't know if you've experienced this, but when you grow up and you've lived your whole life in one area, and like I grew up in, the resort's about 50 miles away north of where I grew up in, in Northern California.
So I mean, to go see my mom out at her place, it's a little bit of a drive. And I remember growing up kind of in this remote farm area and just, and there's lots of sagebrush, right? And we're high desert climate is kind of the climate here. And, I used to think it was like so ugly. And then, then I moved to, the [00:16:00] Midwest.
I did graduate school in the Midwest and, and everybody always asked me, "How was your time in the Midwest?" And I was like, "Well, it was too hot, too cold, and too flat, but the people were great." But I just remember like, like thinking like, "Why did I think where I lived was ugly?" I had this, this snow-capped mountain, Mount Shasta it's called, that it's the the end of the Cascade Range.
It's the largest mountain, and it's in Northern California, and it's just gorgeous, but literally in my backyard every single day I saw it.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Right? And- And I used to think that was ugly, and I'm like, "Okay, what?" Right? Like, I think just like I've, like, I am a huge traveler. I love to travel. And, and I love seeing different landscaping and and different things, and just experiencing different things like that.
And I think it really makes you appreciate other things, you know? And I just came, uh, lived 25 years up in Seattle, right? And we're known for our rain, and it's not a lie. And, uh, and I don't know if it's more the rain, but the cloudiness. It just- Mm ... you know, so I know there's other parts of the United States that gets more rain [00:17:00] than we do, but it just has this cloud cover at all times so it's gray.
And I'm like, I don't mind the rain. It's more the cloudiness that gets to you. But because we have a lot of rain, right, it is so gorgeous up there. Like, it is, all the g- the greenery and all the flowers and, and everything. And I think that there, you know, you, there's y- you know, as we as widows are doing right now, right?
Is we're trying to, we hold, we have tons of sorrow, but we're also trying to hold joy at the same time. Right. And we're trying to combine both of those, and I think that that's, you know, there's a good and bad. You know, to get these beautiful flowers and that, you have to have gray, cloudy, rainy days, right?
I think wherever you go, you know, I'll, I, and now h- being down here in southern Oregon a lot is there's a beautiful blue skies and sunny a lot, but it's also very you know, but it's also a lot more brown. And, um, it's a farming area, so we do have all the farm crops, which help make it more green.
Spring is always, I call it the ugly time of year 'cause there's lots of wind coming through and the fields [00:18:00] aren't planted yet, so they're all brown. So it's a lot more brown right now. But come by the time you get them here, all the farmlands will be all, um, sprouting up and all green, so it's a lot more pretty- Mm
through that. But yeah I think that there's wherever you go, right, is there's that kind of a sense of joy and sorrow wherever there is. There's this good and bad and like when my time in the Midwest, I never saw the mountains, but I made some really lifetime friends. So- when you have to look at both sides of things it really is helpful.
Speaker: Yes. And one of the, I think, the most beautiful things about you being the event planner is not only just knowing the area and knowing the people there, but given your professional background, and you don't have to go into a lot of what that is, but you are very attuned to- people feeling grounded and people feeling at peace.
And so I would say you're very aware about, like, thinking about [00:19:00] all the little details that will help people who maybe haven't traveled for a long time, or the first time by themselves, or, Travel can be really stressful of, like, going to a place you've never been, and figuring out the logistics, and booking the flight, and all of those things.
And so I think that's gonna be such a gift for people who come, is that we've fleshed out a lot of those little details of, okay, how can we make them feel refreshed? How can we allow them to just show up? And as much as possible, we're gonna alleviate the burden of getting the luggage to the car, and getting to the resort, and the heavy lifting of some of those things, and how can we just be aware to how people are feeling, or if they get overwhelmed, and what we can do to help them recenter.
And so I think that in itself is just really gonna be a great gift for people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. And that's what... It's been really fun for me [00:20:00] too, 'cause it's given me, I've just slowly started back to work, and I, I have my own business, and I do, nervous system regulation, I guess is a some, is one way of saying it,, is one of the things I do.
So I'm very hyper-aware of my own body, where healing comes from, and how to remain grounded, and if I get dysregulated, what to do about it. But I'm also very in tune to other people and how, grounded they are or not, right? And can really pick up on that. And so to kinda have some ability to have some control over that, right?
Like, to create environments and places and things, and knowing what could get people dysregulated or not. I think you and I working together has been a great balance. I'm definitely more extroverted, so know what the extroverted people will want, and you're more introverted, so know... You know? So it's like we can kinda meet the needs of both people that are, types of people that are coming too.
I love to travel. I traveled a, a previous job I had, I traveled a lot by myself, um, all over the country. And so I've traveled a lot since my husband passed away. And so I don't have a problem [00:21:00] with that. In fact, I was counting it up. I think since January I've been in 12 different airports.
Wow
and like, I... And I've been in big, huge airports, I've been in small airports. And I've been to the airport everybody will flying into, so I have a good sense of, like, how you travel. Like, what to do for traveling and, and I tell you, these small airports are my new favorite thing. Um, and so everybody will be coming in.
Eventually they'll probably have to, to grab a hopper flight into, like, a more, a major airport, whether that's Denver or San Francisco- Portland or Seattle and come, you know, and catch a different, a smaller plane in to into Medford. But the airport there is just so lovely. I, I think the first time I flew out I got there two hours ahead of time, and I waited for an hour and 50 minutes-
Before my flight. So then the next time I went, like, I think I left an hour and a half, and I waited an hour and, um, 25 minutes. Wow ... I'm like, okay. So it's just, you know, it's one of these [00:22:00] airports that is, uh, it's easy to get to, it's easy to get out. You're not gonna get lost there coming in and out and those type of things.
It's been super fun for me to plan this. It's given me another focus. Um, as I said, I'm not back to work 100% yet. And, um, this, and doing the, the logistical part has been really fun for me. And, um, I have this dream of many... Like I said, I have many retreats planned for myself that I wanna plan. In fact, one of my retreats that I, I literally have, my coworker and I had started, we, um, had met three or four times to start planning this retreat.
We just didn't have dates and everything, but it was a grief retreat for... And it was more general grief, not necessarily widowed g- grief. But I just, I'm not, I can't hold... I'd be the main one to hold that space for people right now, but I'm like, I can handle logistics. This is, you know, sweet.
And, and learning more about, like, how you hold retreats in this space and what works and doesn't work has just been, really invaluable for me, and it's been super fun to plan and work with you- Yeah ... [00:23:00] closely on this. So yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: Yeah. It's I think it's gonna be great. And I've been to lots of different retreats and events, but not necessarily one for widows, so I think it is a good segue to, like, what our vision is for the retreat. I know one of the things that we talked about early on, is this a retreat where people are gonna unpack a lot of heavy and deep grief, and we're processing all of that? Is this more forward-focused? And so, for me, when I thought about a retreat for widows, my initial vision is like- In so many ways, we as widows take on so much on our shoulders, right?
Like all the admin tasks that you mentioned. Yeah. Well, now you have to do this, and you have to call here. And, and all of a sudden, all these things that you had someone to shoulder the burden with, you're the person doing it all. Yeah. And so to me, when I thought, like, what, what about a retreat would feel good, is [00:24:00] like I want someone else to take care of me.
I want someone else- Yeah ... to, like, think about it. And so I'm like, I really just want just get them to the airport. Let's just get people to the airport. Let's help them with their bags. Let's get them on the bus, get them to their resort, and have everything mapped out with some downtime for the introverts, or free time for the extroverts that wanna socialize even more- Yeah
With some free time built in. But really, this is about just allowing people to show up, to let their shoulders down, and just exhale, like okay, this is nice. Oh, this is beautiful. This feels healing. This feels relaxing. And to just kind of recenter within themselves to restore and take a step forward with, with where they wanna go on their journey, and to really just be prepared to rise into, like, this [00:25:00] next season of what they may be called to do or what this next season of life is gonna look like.
So we don't pretend that grief doesn't exist, and we're not like, "Oh, we're gonna forget your person, and we're just gonna move forward." It's not that, but it's also not focused heavily on the hurts of the past. It's more of this like, I'm a baby deer trying to find my feet now in how do I navigate life while embracing grief, while embracing adventure and curiosity and all of these other emotions, and figure out, like, what is meant for me in this next season, and be equipped to step into that.
And so as I think about that, it was like w- it was all the R words, right? Like, I want them to feel refreshed- Yeah ... and renewed and recentered and refocused. And so we're just like renew. Like you're just renew. When you leave, you feel refreshed, renewed, and, like, just grounded and ready to step into that [00:26:00] next season of life.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely. And I think, when you were like talking about, like, what words could we use that is great for, what we want people to experience and, and that top word that came up was renew. And I think just you had just recently dropped the, a promo video for this. And, um, I was...
You know, and, I would say the grief comes in such waves, right? And I think one of the things that I try to do for myself- is just when it comes, instead of trying to just shove it down or whatever, I just let it come and, and and I just bawl. Like, I stopped wearing, mascara, which I love, but I had stopped wearing it because I was just like, "I just don't know when I'm gonna burst into tears right now in my life," you know?
Mm-hmm. And, um, and I just let those tears come. Um, a lot of times it's in private, so a lot of people, you know, will see you out and about and like, "Oh, you're doing so great. You're so strong." And I'm like, "I'm not strong." Like that. I'm like, "I'm not. I miss my person desperately," right? And learning, [00:27:00] like, learning all this stuff that you have to do by yourself now and the single parenting just stinks.
I can't even ex- Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah. That's probably the biggest, hardest thing right there. And not having somebody to bounce, "What do we do with this one?" And, you know, "Your turn. You go talk to him. I, gave up." And, not having that and just it's just so challenging. And I think just, like, that constant, right?
And it was funny 'cause when it came out, like, I was having a hard morning, having a hard grief morning and just, like, missing that person. And something that you... Uh, and I forget what your, like, tagline is, but something that you say a lot, and it just really has resonated with my heart, but is, because it's like how do you, how do you move forward in grief? Like, that's been a big question in my life. Um, I lost my dad when I was pretty young, and I have a college roommate that passed away. I had a niece. So grief is familiar to me, so the emotions of grief. But this is on a whole new level- Mm-hmm
this type of grief. You know? It really, like, attacks your [00:28:00] identity and, and who you are and how you function in the world. And and so that, like, that renewing of who I am, right? And, and trying to figure that out. And but I'm also, if there's one thing that is, that is deep in me is I'm determined and, and really want to seek that out and what that looks like.
And so you've always said, "You can still create a life that you love." And I'm like, okay, I have to discover, you know, that part of your life as ash. And I think that's really helped me move forward because we also know what comes from the ashes is, a phoenix, right?
And that's, you know, a new growth can come from that. And I think just yesterday I had a a friend of mine was talking about, We were texting back and forth and, um, we were taking... We were talking about that, that dichotomy of ha- having joy and sorrow at the same time, and really focusing on the small things.
And I was looking out my window and I was like, "Here, look at my... You know, [00:29:00] these, this is my healing. This is bringing me healing right now, just seeing the sunshine and the- the grass and the, um, beautiful trees out. And so she sent me a picture of, like, her y- yard and it had this beautiful wisteria. It, it was her back porch mainly.
It had this wisteria tree that was, like, trellised upon it and just kind of this overhang, and it had these, um, the wisteria has, like, these purple blooms on them. Yeah. And they were just, like, all hanging down, and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, that's so gorgeous today." And she's like, "Yeah, that wisteria was a tiny little plant from the place, the house I grew up in.
And, and I planted this many years ago at my house here, but this is the first year it really bloomed." And she's like, "It took a few years, but now it's thriving." And she went on to say, like, "Yeah, I think people are like that too. It takes a while when we're in this new reality, but eventually we thrive and bloom."
And I guess that's one of the things, like, to create here, right? Is we treat each other kindly, as we look for just the small little [00:30:00] moments. And I know one of the big questions that you get all the time is, like, "Why Southern Oregon? Why this remote town that we've never heard of before," right? And sometimes I'm like, "Yeah, why are we coming here?"
And it's a big question. And whenever I meet somebody in the town that isn't from here, and they purposely moved here, I'm like, "Why?" "What brought you here?" Right. And that's always a big question. I'm like, "Why do you move to a small town?" And you know, "What is it about here that you like?" And so it's always...
It's one of my favorite questions. But like I know why I'm here. I have family and, and all here. But I don't know why like, "Why do you move to this?" And, one of the things that kind of came to me when I was thinking about that question, that it fits so perfectly, and like you said, a- and I really thank you too, Emily, for putting your trust in me and that you're trusting me to bring this healing.
But I'm like, "Well, I know how it brought healing in my life," you know, and how it's working on that healing and it's being in nature, being in... like, there's, there might be the dirt, right? The sagebrush and the dirt, which is kinda [00:31:00] icky. But then you look out and you might see the, the, um, you might see water.
And then you'll see these beautiful snow-capped mountains. There's several around. And, like, one of our things that we're going to do is go to Crater Lake, and it's just..., I was reading some posts last night about people that have visited Crater Lake, and we're showing pictures of it, and it's just a, it's, one of the, it's a national park, but it's it's just, it's an amazing place too for just- It's gorgeous
Yeah. It's so gorgeous, so. And to see it live is just amazing. It was actually my husband and I's technically second date, and we went up there when it was snowy. It's a magical place too. And so when you see, you know, like- Holding, holding that dichotomy again, right? That joy and that sorrow.
We're holding the dirt, but we're also holding the beautiful water and the, these, beautiful snow-capped mountains. You know, we're holding the sagebrush and, and and remoteness, but we're also, you know, seeing beautiful sunsets- Mm ... um, that is just glorious. So it's just like... And I think as widows, one [00:32:00] thing that we can, that is i- is exponentially, like, our thing is that the unexpected, right?
And none of us expected to be here. None of us expected to be talking to one another and having to relate to our widowhood, but we have this unexpectedness, right? And I think going to a place that's kind of unexpected, right? Like, why southern remote southern Oregon, right? And then like, yeah like, let's go to a place nobody's ever been.
I guarantee you nobody's been here before, right? But I think you can come, if, if you decide to come, you can come and and to this unexpected place, you're going to find this renewing of of your soul, of you're gonna be able to rest. You're gonna be able to find that, be able to restore yourself, and hopefully you'll be able to rise and return.
And I like how you do a lot of forward thinking and you challenge us in that. Like, how do you rise out of those ashes? How do you [00:33:00] return, and become something new and creating this life that we can still love without our person in it so we don't get stuck. Yeah. And so I'm really excited for all of that.
Speaker: Yes, me too, and you're right when you said, "I know this beautiful place in Oregon." I'm like, Oregon? I never been there. I, you know, like, hmm, I was thinking Florida. Okay, now let's shift things. But I have always wanted to have, like, the big sky experience, right? We think of, like, Montana, Wyomings, I m- you know, these places where it's just mountains and sky and lakes, and it's just there is something very healing about being in nature that is so beautiful and almost overwhelming.
And you just... That's one of the things I love about travel is, like, my problems- Yeah ... seem so much smaller. I feel like I gain a new [00:34:00] perspective when I go to places and I can be in this sense of, like, wonder and curiosity and like, wow, look at this pla- I can't believe I'm here. Like, this is amazing.
It's so beautiful. And so- I think people will hear just the way you talk about it, and even if they look at, at pictures online, like even the pictures are just... Everything is so beautiful, and it looks so restorative and just relaxing. Yeah. And so as we start looking at the place and reading about it and looking at pictures, I...
It wasn't even a second thought. I'm like, "Yep, this is perfect. This is exactly what I think-"
Speaker 2: and I think there's something for everybody here, too, is really cool. If you are a really great golfer, you can go golfing. If not, we can do the driving range or the putt golf. There's a spa here. You and I have been talking a lot about the spa.
I've gone twice to get a massage there at the spa, and it's been probably one of the best mas- And I [00:35:00] get massages a lot. I'm like one of those, like, I go every month for years, and I've gone to a ton of different people, and it's probably one of the best massages I've ever gotten.
They do nails and toes and wraps and touchless stuff and all this fun stuff, and it's just very...
It looks out kind of over the golf course. It's really beautiful. And there is, um, a sports center that has a big pool and hot tub and sauna, and, um, I love... Yeah, I love going down there, um, to, to those things. A- and it has all of the, fitness area, too, like the treadmills and weights and all that kind of stuff, too.
And it has a teen area that we can act young if we want and play pool and foosball or whatever. They have their video games, I think arcade, and they have the outdoor courts of tennis and pickleball and basketball and a playground and horseshoes. There's trails all over the place. It's easy to get lost on all the trails here.
There's bike riding. I think, I think the plan's [00:36:00] still maybe even renting some e-bikes, and so people have opportunity to go e-biking around on the trails. There's horseback riding., There's trails all over the area, but there's one that's super fun here that, um, that is, uh, it's called Skillet Handle, and people can go...
I- in fact, I rode my bike out there, and we went for, like... We didn't even make it to the end of it, and we went at least four miles out. I don't know how long the handle is to the very end, but about a half-mile hike in is what's called the pondering place, and it has a little mailbox. I think it might be geocaching, too, for if people are into geocaching.
Speaker 3: Nice. But,
Speaker 2: um, it has a little mailbox, and it has a little thing where you can write where you're from, and you can... It has these chairs and benches there you can sit. And and that's really fun. There's horseback riding. And I'm sure I'm missing a whole bunch more. There's, um, a couple different restaurants to choose from, a couple shops.
There's a little market that's right here, so... And that's all within the resort, and there's other things, you know, like we're having our outing to Crater Lake. But there's just, there's something for everybody.
Speaker: Um- Yeah and we're gonna do some [00:37:00] stargazing, and we just- Yeah ... we have a lot of- Yeah
fun things planned
Speaker 2: Bird watching Yeah. Got into bird watching. Like, yeah, what kind of bird is that? I'm like, okay, I think I've aged myself here. I'm into bird stuff. I know. Um, guess that's what you're supposed to do when you get to a certain age. But yeah- ... I mean, it's been... The deer, there's... Yeah, there's a lot of deer, um, chipmunks, and other, like, wildlife, so.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And for those that aren't from the area, w- uh, most of the West Coast, there's no humidity. Mm, which is amazing. No humidity. Yeah, so you're gonna love that, and it'll cool down every night. At probably the end of June, it'd probably be in the ni- 80, 90s more than likely. Our big, um, the big statement that this town makes is we have 360 days of sunshine.
I notice even on rainy days, like, it will rain part of the day, but still the sun will come out at some point. So yeah, definitely hoping for lots of sun. Like here it'll probably be in the 80, 90s, but it'll get down to fif- 40, 50 at night, so it always- Wow ... cools down in the- Yeah ... evening time.
Um, [00:38:00] yeah, so it's... The weather will be really nice for everybody too, especially that time of year.
Speaker: Yeah. That's, that's amazing. I can't... I'm so looking forward to it, and just getting to meet some of the other brave widows in person, and getting to build relationships, and do it in a just absolutely beautiful, breathtaking place.
I think it's gonna be such a great experience, so. Yeah. If, uh- I don't know if you've ever
Speaker 2: watched a movie, like, do you have a favorite movie you've watched, like, so many times, like, you can't watch it anymore? But then you, your friend comes over, and you're like, "Have you ever seen this movie?" And they haven't, and so you get so excited for them to watch the movie with you, uh, because it's one of your favorites, so you want them to like it too.
And I kinda feel like that, right? Like, okay, this has brought a lot of healing to my life, and um, and it's unexpected, so there's a little part, part of me is like, well, I hope it's, you know, like, everybody loves it too, 'cause it's, yeah, it's definitely a little bit different. But it, I know the [00:39:00] healing it's brought to mine, so I'm, I'm super excited to be able to share this, um, with whoever chooses to come.
And, um, and really, yeah, and just, I'm like that, that person that's seen the movie too many times. Like, okay, I've been here. I hope you'll love it as much as, as I do.
Speaker: Yeah. I, I think we will, for sure. So thank you for being willing to share a place that you love so much with us, and to share some about your story and why this place is so important to you.
Like I said, when we started talking there and I started looking into it, I just immediately felt peace about it, and it looks fantastic. And I know that th- there's just so much to do and explore, and such a great opportunity for us to have that as our backdrop of connection and the things that we wanna do in the retreat.
So for people who are watching or listening, you can just go to bravewidow.com. We've got it right there on the [00:40:00] front page if you wanna join us at the retreat. And we're gonna have some Q&A sessions, and we'll also have some, preparation sessions, in between now and then so that as people have questions or need help with logistics, or they wanna know, what to wear and what to bring and what to expect.
Denise is our resident expert, so she will help us make sure that we are fully prepared. Uh, thank you again for coming to share your story and this beautiful place that we're gonna see each other at soon.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, thank you very much, Emily.
Emily: If you're tired of feeling lost, lonely, and second guessing every decision, my coaching program is meant for you. I help clients find clarity, create real connection, and build confidence up for good. Inside
Speaker 9: the Brave Widow Academy
Emily: you'll learn real tools that you'll be able to use for a lifetime.
If you're ready for the next step, go to brave widow.com to book a consult. [00:41:00] It's free. It's no pressure, and it can be your brave next step to healing your heart and building a life you love again. Go to brave widow.com today to book your consult.
