BW 166 future Version of You
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Emily: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Brave Widow Show, where we help widows find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future. I'm your host, Emily Tanner. After losing my husband of 20 years, I didn't know how I could ever experience true joy and excitement again for the future. I eventually learned how to create a life I love, and I've made it my mission to help other widows do the same.
Join me and the Brave Widow membership community and get started today. Learn more at BraveWidow. com
Hey, hey, and welcome back to the Brave Widow Show. This is episode number 166. Today I'm gonna talk to you about stepping into the future version of yourself. And my deepest desire today is that I can clearly articulate what is possible for you because I [00:01:00] deeply believe that if you knew what was possible for your future if you really knew what could be waiting for you on the other side of fear, there would be nothing.
There would be nothing that would hold you back. The fear you have, the doubt you have the insecurities. All of that would just be so minuscule in comparison to an amazing life that you can step into for your future. And so I only hope that I can somewhat clearly articulate this and articulate this future version of you so that you can have this tiny seed of faith that it's possible for you, and that you dare to believe that your life can change from where it is today.
Before I dive [00:02:00] into today's. Episode, guys. Whew. We got a lot of exciting things going on here at Brave Widow, and I wanna give you a fun life update that I haven't really got to share with very many people yet, but housekeeping items first. So, free public training, public live event, whatever you wanna call it.
I am hosting on Wednesday, September the 10th. So if you're listening to this real time, you still have time to sign up. This is going to be on the Four Seasons of Grief and what to focus on when you are in. Each season, this is a very high level framework and behind the scenes of you for you to get to see like how I identify where people are in their journey of grief, and what things that they could be focusing on to help [00:03:00] them be refined in this season and to prepare for the next season.
And also, I have a quiz on the four Seasons of Grief that you can now take [email protected]. So you can sign up for the event. You can also take the quiz and see what the quiz says, where you are in your four seasons of grief. Just go to brave widow.com. You'll find the quiz. You'll find the ability to sign up for the live event happening on Wednesday, September the 10th.
And if you miss the live event, you will be able to find the replay out there in YouTube. It will be waiting for you. Also the Brave Widow Community is now also hosted on an app called School, S-K-O-O-L. And this really is a pilot test of something that we may choose to do in lieu of the Brave Widow app. There are a lot of things I like [00:04:00] about the app on school that drive community. I've loaded in a few of my most requested topics and courses in there, and we have weekly coaching calls in there. And guess what the best part? It's all free. Now, if you're already in the Brave Widow community, you're part of the academy, you're part of the other things that we're doing, don't worry.
You're not missing out on anything. You have access to actually more content and the same calls and the same information and community in Brave Widow Community. But Brave Widow Community on the school app is just a way that I'm trying to help bring new people into the fold, help them with taking their next step, help them with coaching direction and guidance.
And eventually I would love to see 'em as part of the Brave Widow Academy and some of the other things that we are doing. So it's just a [00:05:00] nice container for me to be able to help people with taking their next one step when maybe the academy feels like a leap. Maybe one-on-one coaching feels like a huge leap.
The app can feel. Like one step in the direction with no commitment, no requirements, no free trials, none of that. Just sign up for free and you'll find it there. So you can download the school app and look for Brave Widow Community. It's totally free to sign up for school, totally free to sign up for the community.
And I'm also gonna put the link in the show notes. So much going on. It is amazing. Can you feel the fire in my soul? I love it. I also wanted to share, because I've been, for those of you who've been on the journey with me, right? You've been part of my dream of building a home, of, buying land, of having a farm, of having farm animals.
[00:06:00] And you may have heard my recent story, where on my birthday, on August 1st, we had this crazy God coincidence where we got to. Meet with some people and, and drafting up a shop and, and deciding to put my office out there and all of these things that are happening, which have been really fun and exciting and just a glimpse of life being better than we can imagine it at times, or working out better than we can have imagined.
And so this past weekend was Labor Day and we had a nice weekend as a family with a lot of things going on, but I was laughing with Robert this week because I woke up on Monday on Labor Day, not planning to have farm animals, and I ended the day with committing to bringing farm animals out to the land.
So his, dad has a couple of donkeys and [00:07:00] donkeys. Again, this is just something that I love donkeys and I love what they do. I love just their funny personalities and, how smart they are and just, I've always liked donkeys and I've always planned to eventually have them. But yeah, we're gonna be rehoming some donkeys out to the Tanner Farm this week, which is just personally something that's fun and exciting.
And again, another thing that God just like worked out better than I could have imagined. I wasn't planning on having donkeys this soon. But now when I build my shop and I build the office here over the next couple of months, we have that set up. I'm gonna have donkeys out there. And I might have told one of my clients if they needed some donkey therapy, I would FaceTime them outside with the donkeys and we'll figure that out.
Anyway, I share that because I want to help [00:08:00] inspire you. You may not want doggies. You most likely don't want doggies. You may not want a farm. You may not want a new office. You may not want a life that looks like anything like mine. But if you would've told me just a few years ago that I could feel so much joy and curiosity, and wonder and excitement, and deep gratitude for the life that I have now, if you would've told me that three years ago, I wouldn't have believed it.
I would've thought that I could smile and feel happiness on a scale of a six out of 10, but it would never be better than that. This was over a year after Nathan had died. So I wasn't in deep grief, but I was a hollow shell. And I [00:09:00] really didn't know if life could be good or be better. And really, I didn't want happiness.
I just wanted peace. I wanted that feeling of being grounded and centered and connected and calm, and all the things that I teach now in Brave Widow that I didn't know that was actually going to be possible. And so when I share these. Wins and experiences and moments. It's not to paint this Instagram highlight life that's like, oh, look at me and all these great things.
No, in fact, I used to hold back a lot and one of my coaches told me to stop holding back and to stop not sharing because I want to be, I want to be in a place where I can inspire people because I believe that vision and inspiration can [00:10:00] catch us and pull us forward when otherwise we feel stuck and we feel like life is a bit meaningless and hopeless.
And over these past really over this past week, I've been doing lots of consult calls, which is always fun and amazing. Getting to meet people, getting to see where they are and helping them decide their next step. And I can so clearly see now the disconnect that people have in where they are and what they think is possible for their future versus really where I see they could be.
Whether it's me seeing their potential and what they think they're capable of, versus being able to see like, oh no, I know you're capable of so much more. Like, I know what you're capable of doing out in the world is so much bigger than what you see. I don't wanna [00:11:00] scare people either.
Because when I tell someone who's broken hearted that they can love their life, again, that feels like a huge leap, right? And so sometimes we have to paint the vision a little smaller, a little more reserved, so that it feels believable. It's kind of like a great analogy is there are people that teach you, for example, how to lose weight.
And if someone's promising you that you can lose a hundred pounds, that sounds exciting, but you're also like, eh, I don't know. Is that really possible? But if someone tells you, I can help you lose 20 pounds, you go, oh, alright. I believe that. I believe I could lose 20 pounds, a hundred pounds. I don't know, but 20 pounds.
As I help widows and widowers and people think about their future, sometimes we have to paint the smaller vision because if people really knew what was possible, they might not believe it. And I know that some people don't believe it when I [00:12:00] talk about what I've experienced, but I keep talking about it because there are some people who will believe it or who want to hope to believe it and do so.
One of the most heartbreaking things that I experience isn't people and deep grief, although that can be really heartbreaking. But I think beyond that, even more heartbreaking. Is the person who is in grief or maybe the person who is in the second season of grief. So they come out of that deep grief, but they're in that very hollow, dull life, and they are unwilling to step into this future version of themselves, to take their future seriously, to believe that they have any influence or control or [00:13:00] ability to change their future.
It's looking at the person who has no hope. It's talking with a person who says, well, I've been waiting for years, and I, I think, you know what you're saying, sounds good, but I think I just need to keep waiting that that is hard. That is hard because when you can see what someone could experience in the future and how different their life could be from where it is today, and you desperately want that for that person, sometimes more than they want it, and it's hard to see them choose to not step into their future.
So today, that's really what I wanna talk with you about is you thinking about the future version of you. And if you're in a place where you're like I can't even, I can't envision future me where I'm enjoying life again because that feels so unfathomable. Like it [00:14:00] feels so, like how is that even possible?
I want you to hear that I understand and relate to that belief. And that drove me crazy for a long time. If you've heard my story right? Was just this like trying to understand, okay, but how, okay, you're saying I can enjoy life again, but how, what do I do? And all people would say is, you gotta give it time.
I'm like but that's not, that can't be the answer. How much time? Like, like there has to be something that I can do too. And until I learned about life coaching, until I learned about intentionally rebuilding your life, I thought, I don't know. I didn't even know if it was possible and I couldn't understand how is it possible for you to enjoy life when your person isn't there?
Because isn't that kind of the point is that you're sharing life with that person again. So it doesn't matter where you are in the journey. [00:15:00] I invite you. To think about the future version of you as I walk through the content that I have for you today. Okay? Now that future version of you may not be traveling and having donkeys and going to conferences and doing all of these things, right?
The future version of you might look something like getting good sleep at night, waking up and feeling at peace, feeling calm, feeling confident, no longer feeling lonely, but feeling seen and heard and connected with other people. Like maybe that is the future version of you that you can envision. So today, I really wanna invite you to whatever it is that you're doing to slow down.
Let's stop and think about what this future version of you could look like. The next minute or two. [00:16:00] I invite you to take a deep breath, close your eyes if you want, and just as clearly as you can envision this next version of you, you might think, oh, it's future me.
It's just the next version of me as Casey on the podcast said, oh, it's Casey 2.0. It doesn't mean that this is the person you're gonna be 20 years from now. This is just the next version of you in the future that you want to become. This isn't about spending. Time. It's not about spending effort. It's not about spending money.
It's not about spending energy. It's about stepping into your future identity.
What does that version of you look like?
Is he or she calm, clear, connected, and confident?
Here's one of the things that I teach my clients to do. Whether you're thinking about yourself or you're thinking about a [00:17:00] goal or you're thinking about, most recently, we've been talking a lot about decluttering a room in our house or decluttering our house overall. When we operate from a place of shame, of anger, of disappointment, of frustration, it becomes really difficult to do things.
So as you think about the future version of you and you think about like, oh, I should be able to do this. Why is it so hard for me to go to a place I've never been before? Why can't I take the trip by myself? Why can't I do this? Like, it's so easy. Why can't I do it? We shame ourselves. We're talking down to ourselves.
That's never gonna be something that can motivate us long term from a place of discipline, from a place of structure, from a place of. Just de-motivation a place of speaking down to ourselves. It might motivate us in the short term, right? Like this is one of the [00:18:00] challenges with people who lose weight or go to the gym, but can't do it consistently, because so many times we do it out of disliking ourselves.
Like, Ugh, I'm overweight, I'm outta shape. I need to eat, eat less. I need to eat healthier. I need to get to the gym more. But it comes from a place of disgust and a place of shame and embarrassment and just all of these horrible feelings. I know I've struggled with this for years, right? It wasn't until I approached it from a place of.
Inspiration from a place of, and I'm not talking about like looking at pictures online of people and being like, oh, if they did it, I can do it. Talking about from a place where you can so clearly see the future version of you and you start to do the things now that future version of you what to do, that you feel that that future [00:19:00] vision catches you and pulls you forward, it captivates you.
It becomes the thing that you are marching towards, that you're fighting for, that you're slogging through all the stuff you don't wanna deal with because you are so motivated and inspired by this future version of you. If it's something like decluttering a room in your home, what I tell my clients is I want you to go sit in the room and I want you to close your eyes and I want you to envision so clearly the future version of this room.
I don't want you to go in there and say, oh, I'm so messy. I'm so disorganized. I've got stuff everywhere. Why is this so hard? I should be able to do it. This is, I'm just lazy. I'm disorganized. Like I don't want you to do any of that. Throw it all out the window to the side. Stop thinking about it. What I want you to do is I want you to go in this room and I want you to close your eyes and I [00:20:00] want you to envision so, so clearly.
What is the future state of this room? A lot of times it's the bedroom, right? A lot of times it's the room is shared with our person and I will coach them and say, now I want you to envision like what is, you're sitting on your bed, right? What does the fabric feel like under your fingers? What does the air feel like?
What does it feel like when you walk into the room for it to feel like you can walk in the room and just let your shoulders down and just go, oh man, what is that feeling? Is it calm? Is it spa-like? Is it clean? What are the window coverings? What do they look like? What color are they? What fabric are they made out of?
How do, how does your bed comforter feel under your fingers? How firm or soft is your mattress? What does it smell like in there? And I encourage them to do that once a day, twice a day, as often as they can. [00:21:00] Even if you're out running errands and you're sitting in your car for five minutes, close your eyes and v.
Visualize so strongly every detail of this future version of your room. And guys, you would be amazed at when people take the time to actually do this, how motivated they become to actually do things. They've put off sometimes for years, things that felt like such a burden, that felt overwhelming because there's so much that needed to be done that they've procrastinated, they've put off, they've beat themselves up over, they've probably spent more hours talking down to themselves and shaming themselves for not doing it.
Versus the amount of time, they're always surprised like, oh, I got that done like way faster than I thought. Yeah, it's amazing the difference. And so as you think about the [00:22:00] future version of you and who you want to be in this next season, it's not from a place of shame. It's not from a place of, I should be able to, why can't I do this?
This isn't that hard. Put all that to the side. Okay? We want to create a vision that feels so inspiring and amazing. We're almost afraid to believe it. Like we look at it and we go, I don't know. I would like that to be me. I'm not really sure. Can I do it? I don't know. As your coach, I am the person who can help.
Help push you forward a little bit outside of your comfort zone, right? So as you think about the future version of you, I invite you to take a minute and even if you wanna write it down, if you want to say the words out loud, who is that future version? What are the things that she feels, [00:23:00] you feel more confident, you feel more decisive, you feel more at peace with maybe relationships that have gone toxic or gone downhill.
You feel at peace with being able to let that go.
Do you feel more curious about the world? Do you feel more adventurous? Do you like, what do you feel as this future version of you?
There are no gold stars for suffering and there's no shame in needing support. So as you have the thoughts that come up of I should be able to do this, why am I listening to a podcast thinking about the future version of me? I could just do it myself. Why can't I just do it?
Well, sometimes that's the value of coaching and whether or not you're part of the academy or you're part of my coaching program, you're getting coached right now through the podcast. Okay? So just for a moment, I invite you to anchor into your body and let's [00:24:00] meet this future version of you.
You are the kind of person who, what, who feels what.
And as you get very clear, and it doesn't have to be perfectly clear, right? Especially if you're, the earlier you are in grief or the deeper that you are in grief, the harder it is to see the future clearly. So it's okay. I tell people, if you're having a diff difficulty with, with coming up with goals or you're having difficulty with what you want for the future, just ask yourself, what do you wanna feel more of?
What do you wanna experience more of? And that might be a word like kindness, gentleness, peace, calm, bravery, decisiveness. Assertiveness, okay? Those are things that can help you envi envision the future version of you without feeling like you know exactly who you are and what you want. That's not exactly what I am referring to.
You don't have to have all that figured [00:25:00] out. But what do you want more of in your life? Let's start there. Okay. So let's say that the future version of you is more confident and the future version of you likes to travel. That's a lot of my clients like to travel, or they desire to travel and they're afraid.
Okay. So then what we do, we, we look at this future version of you and we reverse engineer how we get there. Okay. So we think about this future version of you. What are the types of things that he or she does? So if the future version of you is more confident, what are the things that they do that to you says, oh, well that future version of me is more confident.
Okay. Why do you say that? What are the things that they, that version of you does to make you believe that they're confident? ' cause I'm gonna share with you a secret. Are you ready for that? You're gonna learn so much today. And I'm sorry. I know [00:26:00] I'm I have a habit of overteaching, of like putting too much.
And sometimes it's a lot for people. So, I'm sorry, it's a little bit, if you feel like you're drinking from the fire hose today, just please know that you're normal and I'm the one who just wants you to like, know everything and teach you everything. But I, I do wanna teach you this, okay? It's called the be do, have principle.
Be do, have. So it, it's a secret that you may not know about yourself. Are you ready? When you think about the future version of you, we often think, so. For example, here's a great example. If you imagine the future version of you is confident, then we often think we must first have confidence. Then we will do things confidently and then we will be a confident person.
So we often think [00:27:00] have. Do be. We have confidence, we do things confidently, therefore, we be or we are a confident person. Okay? Let me give you an example of someone I did a consult call with recently, and if you're listening, I'm giving you a special shout out. And don't worry, I'm not gonna give away too many details because this is something that I hear very commonly a version of this.
Okay? So the person on the call said, I really want to go to an event that's happening on a cruise, but I don't have anyone to go with me. I would have to go by myself. I am afraid to travel by myself. Very common in the widow space. By the way. We wanna travel. We're afraid to go by ourselves.
Get on a boat with a bunch of strange people we don't know and go on this cruise, right? And this is what I'm talking about where sometimes it feels heartbreaking. She said, every [00:28:00] year I watch as this company who's hosting this event, gets on the air and says, Hey, we're having this cruise. We're selling out rooms.
You need to join. And every year I watch as the cruise sells out and I wanna go. I'm too afraid to sign up. And I watch it pass me by. And then the next year it comes up and I wanna sign up and go, but I'm afraid to go. And I don't know I have anyone to go with me. And so I watch it. Pass me by. Think about this because for many of you, you.
Have done something similar. Maybe it's not something that happens every year. Maybe it's something that comes up once a month. Maybe it's something that comes up once a week. Whatever it is. There have been moments for most of us where we sit and watch these opportunities go by because here's what we think, right?
This is what most humans believe. I wanna go on this trip. But to do that, I need to build up my confidence, [00:29:00] right? I need to have, first, I need to have confidence first. Then if I have the confidence, I'm gonna do things that people do who have confidence, which is book the trip, book the flight, go meet strangers, introduce myself, and then I will be, I will be a confident person.
I think first to be a confident person who travels on cruises by themselves. I think I first must have confidence, but what I asked her was. What if you just booked the cruise? It's happening in the spring. What if you just booked the cruise and we work on building up your confidence between now and then?
She kind of sat there for a minute and she was like, I can do that. Yeah, just book it. Because the reality is not have, do be it's be, do, have and this, if you're feeling confused, it's okay. This confused me for a long time too. I learned [00:30:00] this from Dr. Betsy. The principle is be, do have, which means in order to have confidence, we must first be a confident person, do what confident people do, and then we will have confidence.
Now, if your mind just exploded, let me walk you through what that looks like if I decide I'm going to be a confident person in the future. So whatever those words were that came to mind for you, maybe it was confident, maybe it was connected, maybe it was calm, maybe it was peaceful, whatever. It's that word or those words that you use to describe the future version of you.
If you want that in the future, you first must become that. So if I want to be a confident person, I must embody what that confident version of me looks and feels like. Okay, so here's what that means. If [00:31:00] I want to be a confident solo traveler, if I'm going to become that version of me and I'm gonna embody what that means, then I say, okay, I'm gonna step into you.
Future version of me being confident, which means what are the things that the confident version of me would do Well, the confident version of me would book the cruise. They would book the flight. They would maybe try to find some people who are going to this event as well through maybe a Facebook group or online forum.
Maybe try to introduce myself to them and get to know them a little bit so I can actually be able to put a face with a name when I get there. There are are several things that I could do before the trip. I could take an overnight trip, like a road trip somewhere just to get used to being out on my own and staying in a place by myself.
So those are the things that I would do, and if I will [00:32:00] do that, then I can be, I can be. Than I can have, I can have confidence. There are several widows in the Brave Widow Academy and in my coaching program who have traveled recently on their own for the first time in years. I have someone who hasn't flown in over 20 years, who recently flew somewhere.
We have another member who, she went on a, trip for her what would've been her wedding anniversary, and stayed in a hotel overnight, all by herself for the very first time, and every time. I could tell you countless stories, but every time that people take that first step of doing it, afraid , of not having waited for the confidence, but being like, okay, I'm afraid and I'm terrified and I'm anxious, and, and I, I don't know all, I don't have all the answers.
I don't know how it's gonna work out, but I'm just gonna do it anyways because it's called [00:33:00] Brave Widow, not Fearless Widow. Once they take that first trip, it unlocks something for them. And just like one of my clients said last week on the, on the group call, she's like, I'm gonna be taking more trips now, guys.
I'm excited. I, it just makes me wanna take more trips. I'm excited to do it more. And I said, okay. And do you feel more confident now about the next trip? Maybe not a hundred percent confident, but do you feel more confident than you did this first trip? And she's like, oh, yeah, I feel way more confident.
That's how it happens. It's opposite to what we think needs to happen, which is like, I need the confidence first, and then I'll do the thing, and then I'll just be a confident person. Instead of realizing that what we actually need is to step into shaking and terrified and with fear in our bones, is to step into that future version of us and believing with the tiniest seed of faith that can be our reality.[00:34:00]
Doing the things that version of us would do, and then being able to sit back and say, wow, yeah, now I am more confident. Now I am more calm and peaceful. Now I am more connected and have a social circle of friends because I was willing to step forward through all of the doubts and the fears and the insecurities and all of those things.
To take that possibility seriously of who I could to become and to start doing those things now.
And there's a whole nother rabbit trail. We could go down around quantum physics and the endless possibilities that you can have for your future and things that are at times way over my head. But here's what I do know. Every time that I or one of my clients has looked at a future possibility and started to take steps in that direction, it moves the future, moves closer and closer to us, much faster than if we [00:35:00] sit back and wait than if we wait on things to magically happen.
Think about what I shared with you at the very beginning, okay? One month ago. Today is September 2nd, one month ago. It was my birthday, OCT, August the first. For two and a half years, I've owned this 40 acre property where I wanna build a house, I wanna put a shop, I wanna do these things. And the timing's not perfect and I can't figure out the floor plans of the house and, and all these things.
For the past year that Robert and I have lived in the house we live in now, we've talked about building a shop out there. Should we build a shop out there? Should we, you know, we have a truck and a trailer and we have cars that we need to store. And you know, we really downsized a lot. We moved into this house Laed, August, so for a year.
So two and a half years. I've owned this land for the past year. We've talked off and on about potentially building a shop one month ago. I walk [00:36:00] into a place that builds shops thinking that, oh, we might make an appointment. We might kinda talk about more. It might be another option, but I walk in there. We meet with them a week later, we have a contract.
Three weeks later, we have a county road that's named an our name. We have a driveway permit, we have a floodplain permit, we have a plumbing permit. We are waiting for the dirt work to be done. The shop's gonna be built in the next couple of months.
And guys, yesterday I'm gonna, I'm getting some donkeys. I'm getting some donkeys. So think about that two and a half years where I have done some work, but I've also mostly waited. Waited for timing to work out, waiting for to have the perfect answer, waiting for plans to be super clear versus when I took action.
When I actually started to take some steps forward, now all of a sudden I'm gonna have a shop and an office and some [00:37:00] donkeys and some cows. And like all of this stuff is, is coming to reality. And it's not just me, it's the people I work with every single day. It's amazing. It's amazing. I have three clients right now who are in the middle of selling a home, buying a home, or building a home.
And for some of these people, they have waited for years or they have felt like, oh, this is gonna take years. It's gonna take a year, it's gonna take two years, it's gonna take three years. I don't even know how this is gonna work out. I don't even know if it's possible. How can I leave this place? Is it wrong to leave this place?
We've coached through all of that,
and now I have one client who's moving right now. From her old house to our new house. I have another client who's living in between places as she builds her condo, which should be done in the next couple of months. Have another client whose house shopping, lot shopping, looking around at houses, [00:38:00] and who has caught the vision of the future so clearly that instead of feeling overwhelmed by all the to-dos and all the unknowns and all of the stuff that we just have to get through, like the thought of the future is so exciting and terrifying and wonderful that it pulls you forward.
And then as you take steps forward, things happen quickly. Things happen so quickly versus years when we just sit and wait, wait to feel ready, wait to. Decide it's time to step forward. Wait until everything's perfectly worked out. Wait until we feel confident. If you just keep waiting, you're going to keep waiting.
Just gonna keep waiting.
The future version of you isn't braver, isn't more confident because they have a bunch of results. They're braver and they're [00:39:00] more confident because they're acting like the future version of you. So as you are thinking about the future version of you and what you can do now to be right, be, do, and then have so wanna be the future version of you Embody that person. Then as you're making decisions or as you're trying to decide your next step forwards, ask yourself, would the future version of you say yes, no, or not?
Now,
what's the smallest version of stepping forward to become that future version of you that honors that version that honors you in the future?
If you take a step forward, now, what becomes easier in 30 days, 60 days, 90 days and here's a little insider secret. I want you to know the future [00:40:00] version of you. Who is more confident, who's more connected, who's more at peace? She doesn't have all the answers. She doesn't control all the outcomes. She doesn't know how it's all gonna work out. What she does know. That she'll figure it out.
She's resourceful. She has people that she can rely on and she can learn how to navigate the unknown, how to navigate through fear, how to step forward, even though everything inside of her is screaming, no, stay here. This is our comfort zone. This is where things are familiar. This is what we know. We don't know the outside world.
We don't know all that over there. That's very scary. And she can feel it in every cell of her body, and she will still take the step forward without having the answers, without having control, without knowing whether or not it's gonna be worth it, and what that looks like [00:41:00] and all of the things she steps forward through the fear.
So here are some blocks that people tend to have with stepping forward into the future version of who they are. So I wanna share these with you and offer you some thoughts that you can embrace. The first is I should be able to do this alone. So what I offer to you is the future version of you collaborates.
Support is wisdom and not weakness.
The second block is, now's not the right time. It's too busy. I've got too much going on. It feels overwhelming. It's just not the right time.
What I would offer to you is that makes this the perfect time, the future version of you embraces support and structure and coaching during the most difficult, overwhelming times because that's when she needs it the most.
The third one is, what if this [00:42:00] doesn't work out? What if I fail?
And what I offer to you here is that the future version of you views trying new things as an experiment.
Everything may not work out the way that we plan or the way that we envision, but we know that it will work out. We know that we will find our way, but we can't find our way if we're sitting still .
I wanna share with you one other example of things that I see, especially as I'm doing. Consult calls, and I see people really trying to make a decision if they're ready to go all in or if they hold back for whatever reason. Brave Widow is about to hit three years old, which is crazy and also amazing. But one thing that I struggled with for a long time. Is that no matter what I gave away for free, no matter how much I gave away for free, no matter how many things, and I still continue to do things for free, I just shared with you guys at the [00:43:00] first of this podcast about the Brave Widow community on school, which is a hundred percent free.
Okay? But it doesn't matter how many times I give it away, how much I give away, what format I give away. If I were to calculate it, I would guess that 95% of it that I give for free never gets used. People didn't create an account, didn't log in, or they logged in. They didn't use the content, they didn't come to the free community calls.
They didn't participate in that, and that was super discouraging. Because I've given away things. I've sold for hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars, even during our widow winter solstice last year. I give away coaching sessions that I normally charge people a lot of money for, gave them for free.
Never had one call set [00:44:00] up from some of those individuals who won. And it's always blown my mind, like, why is it that when I give something for free, people tend not to use it or tend not to show up, versus the more that people invest, the more like they're at every call, they are all in, they are making things happen.
Why is that? What happens? And so then I thought about like. When we go to the gym and let's say you're paying 20 bucks a month for the gym, or 50 bucks a month for the gym, or you get a 30 day free pass to the gym, like how often do you really go? I know how often I would go, which is not very often.
You're just like, eh, I'll go, I'll, I'll get around to it. Or if you've bought a one-off course, I have a course I've paid a thousand dollars for that is still sitting in my inbox.
Okay. It's sitting there. It's like, I'll get around to it when I get around to it. I have all [00:45:00] the time in the world. There's no deadline. I'll use it when I get to it. Versus if you pay a personal trainer $500 a month instead of $50 a month to go to the gym, now all of a sudden, how often do you go to the gym?
Probably a lot more often. So why is that? Like what is happening when we decide to take our future seriously? When you decide to invest in yourself and it actually costs you something, there's actually a transformation that's happening. Like the moment you decide to sign up for a course, a mastermind, the academy coaching, whatever it is, like even if you decide, when you think about if you went to college or you took a trade class or something that, a certification, like something that was going [00:46:00] to grow you in some way when you paid for that certification, that course, that coaching, whatever it was.
All of a sudden there's a transformation that happens. All of a sudden you are taking your future self seriously. You're showing up, you're making changes because when you decided I'm gonna step forward, I'm gonna step into that future version of me that I believe is possible, or I wanna believe is possible, I'm not sure, but we're gonna figure it out.
When I decide to do that, I am becoming, I am embodying that future version of me. I'm taking that step forward. I'm doing the things that future version of me would do so that I can be that person. I can have those things that the future version of me has.
It happens to all of us. I'm not excluded from [00:47:00] that. I've had a gym membership and I've paid for a personal trainer. Which one do you think I showed up to more often? Why do you think I have coaches that I invest in and that I pay for because I wanna take that future version on myself. Seriously, I've shared with you on the podcast before about hiring a public speaking coach.
I worked with her for six months. I'm still working with her on some things we're working on for the future. 'cause I wanna take myself seriously. I want to invest in the version of me now to become the future version of me that I wanna become. I want to be able to share the message of what we're doing in a way that garners interest.
I want to be able to make media appearances, even though I'm absolutely terrified of what that might look like. I want to go on stages and share about the Four Seasons of grief and be able to articulate it in a way that makes [00:48:00] sense and actually helps people with their journey. I want to be able to do these things, so I take myself seriously and I invest in myself so that I can step into that future version of me, because the good Lord knows I am a procrastinator, as are many of us listening right now.
And if it were up to me, I would just put it off and put it off. And I might work on it a little bit here and I might work on it a little bit there. But then I would have the doubts, and then I would have the excuses. And then, you know, before I knew it, six months would be gone, A year would be gone and I'd be five years down the road and the company won't have grown, and I'll still be in the place that I am today.
I know that about myself and I know that about human nature. And so I think about where do I want Brave Widow to be in the future? Where do I want my impact in the world to be? How do [00:49:00] I want to help and serve people? And then I get as clear as I can on that vision and what it looks like. I start doing the thing, I start becoming that person.
Now I start doing the things that future version of me would would do, which is I have professional coaches who are helping me. I work on my marketing skills, my copywriting skills, my ability to teach and explain and educate better. I work on those things now because I wanna be really proficient at them in the future.
When I first started this podcast, you can go back, don't, not the first episode, because I didn't record that one actually first. So you might have to look at like the second, third, or fourth episode of the Brave Widow Show. It was a long time ago, it feels like almost three years ago. And you'll see I didn't have a microphone.
I didn't have, the lighting was terrible. The, the camera was terrible. Like I just, I'm amazed. I had someone tell me last week, she's like, I've been listening to you's [00:50:00] episode one, and I'm like, bless your heart. That's amazing. Like you really overlooked a lot of flaws early on. But after those first couple of episodes, I decided, you know what?
I want this to be a really nice podcast in the future. I am not gonna treat this like a hobby. I'm gonna treat this like it's my job. I'm not gonna spend thousands of dollars, but I am gonna invest in a good microphone and I am gonna invest in decent lighting, and I am going to be consistent at putting out episodes.
I've put out more than on average, more than one episode per week. During times when I don't have time to record, I don't wanna record, I don't have anything to say. I don't, you know, wanna spend all the hours editing and scheduling and uploading and doing all of that. But I decided, no. The future version of me has a podcast that comes [00:51:00] out consistently.
People know what's gonna come out. They can depend on it. They can realize that I'm gonna have something valuable to share with them. They're going to want to be part of the Brave Widow of Show and that experience. And so if I want that for the future, I have to step into that now, which means I wanna take my podcast producing seriously.
Now I wanna build in things for having guests that come on. I have a lot of automation. When a guest comes on the show, they get a form to fill out, telling me about themselves, putting their links so I can put that in the show notes, signing an agreement that they agree that I can use their picture and I can use their recording and all of the things like I set that up almost three years ago because I wanted what I have now, which is when I have a guest come on the show.
It's super easy. I send 'em the link, they schedule it, all the automations go out. I just make sure they sent me their picture and that they filled out the form. Boom, you [00:52:00] record the podcast. Everything else just flows naturally. But it's because I did all of that almost three years ago, believing that one day I would have people that wanna come on the show believing that I would one day, instead of me asking other people to come on that they'll be reaching out to me, asking me to come on them wanting to come on the show and share their message, which I do.
It's amazing. But if I hadn't taken myself seriously, if I hadn't stepped forward into that future version of me, then I might be scrambling or I might be inconsistent. I might not have treated this seriously. It might've been a hobby that I do sometimes, but not all the time. So I just really wanna encourage you this week to think about the future version of you.
And even if you. At a point where you're like, I don't even know who I am. I don't know what I want. I have no idea what the future holds for me. Part of that might be true, but also your brain doesn't wanna work hard, which [00:53:00] means when your brain feels really squirmy, it's like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. That's an easy answer. I promise you, if you will take the time to sit down and say, okay, I don't know what I want for the future. That's true. But I can say right now what I want more of in my life, and maybe what I want more of is fewer to-dos. Maybe I want more support. Maybe I want more confidence, more rest, more adventure, more fun, more love, more acceptance.
There is a word that you can come up with that you want more of in your life. And so even if it's just one word, pick that word. Pick that word that you want more of and decide, okay, now how do I create that? Now? How do I create that experience now? How do I step into that now so that that can happen [00:54:00] more quickly than me just sitting back waiting magically expecting it to happen?
All right. I know that was a lot of information for today. I hope that you found it helpful, and I hope that it really provoked some thoughts inside of you and the desire to take an action and to step forward in whatever direction that looks like. Don't forget. Brave Widow Community on school, totally free.
Download the school app. Look for Brave Widow Community. You'll find me there. Or look in the show notes. I'll have the link there. Also, remember, September the 10th, Wednesday at noon central time. I'm gonna be covering the Four Seasons of Grief and what you can focus on in each of those four seasons to help you take that next step forward.
And lastly, if you're ready for support, if you want structure, support, [00:55:00] and guidance so that you can feel more calm, more clear, and more connected, and more confident. How many more CS can I come up with? Concise. I need to be more concise if and when you are ready for a container for more support. For structure, guidance, all of the things to help you take your next steps forward.
You can always schedule a consult. Call [email protected]. I would love to learn more about you, to evaluate where you are and to help you come up with your plan of next steps and moving forward. You can find me on brave widow.com and book your consult there. All right, till next time.
If you're tired of feeling lost, lonely, and second guessing every decision, my coaching program is meant for you. I help clients find clarity, create real connection, and build confidence up for good. Inside the Brave Widow Coaching Program, you'll [00:56:00] learn real tools that you'll be able to use for a lifetime.
If you're ready for the next step, go to brave widow.com to book a consult. It's free. It's no pressure, and it can be your brave next step to healing your heart and building a life you love again. Go to brave widow.com today to book your consult.
