Julie Podcast
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Speaker 3: [00:00:00] Hey, hey, and welcome to another episode of The Brave Widow Show. We have a lot of exciting things happening in Brave Widow, including an upcoming in-person retreat, a space designed just for widows who are newer in grief, who are experiencing deep grief, or who feel really overwhelmed, and an update on the academy.
If you wanna learn more about these, stick around to the end of this episode, and I'm gonna fill you in on the details.
On today's podcast episode, I talk with Julie Wright Halbert. So let me give you a quick introduction. Julie Wright Halbert is a death doula, transformational soul coach and national advocate for grief literacy. After the sudden death of her young husband and decades of public service as a national education attorney,
julie now guides individuals and families in living and dying and meeting endings with presence. She speaks and writes on death literacy, identity after loss, and conscious living. She's the founder of [00:01:00] Rising Phoenix Life and author of the forthcoming Divine Ashes Ascending. Let's dive into this week's episode.
Speaker: julie, thank you for stopping by as a special guest. I am so glad that you decided to join us today.
Speaker 2: Uh, Emily. I'm grateful to be with you and to be with your audience, and it's truly my pleasure.
Speaker: Yes. So I know they would love to hear from you, who are you and a little bit about your story.
So if you wouldn't mind to introduce yourself, then we can jump in wherever you'd like to start.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Um, truly, it's such an interesting question, right? Because there's so much and so many years. But to kind of start off, I would say always a mother, um, have two boys that are now 24 and 26, but I started many years ago.
I met my spouse, Jim, at University of Miami Law School, and we had both, uh, he came from Pennsylvania. I was born and raised in Charleston, South Carolina. And a lot of family actually was in Florida and decided I really [00:02:00] wanted to get my license in Florida. So we met at University of Miami and that was really the beginning of, you know, I'm writing a book, um, divine Ashes Ascending, and the first chapter is truly talking about, meeting my soulmate.
So it's really the beautiful part of the initial connection. And before we had children, before we were married, as so many of your listeners, you know, you go through this journey of life and. I, I often look at those wedding pictures and I think, wow, like I could never have imagined one, you know, what, how my story unfolded which we'll talk about, but just, you know, before we even had children, just all, when you're in that space of so much joy and so much gratitude and just looking at life forward, it's hard to imagine where we're all sitting today, right?
So it's. It's a beautiful process and very cathartic actually writing your story and then really sharing it with others so that they can take in order to heal and work on their own transformation. But for [00:03:00] me, um. I think to really answer your question and kind of who am I? So I was a national education attorney after law school for almost 30 years, working for a nonprofit outta DC called The Council of the Great City Schools.
So my focus was on special education law writing, national education policy together with other experts. Writing Amicus Brief through the US Supreme Court, working with lawyers across 78 urban school districts. So I would say to you, I had a huge career, very passionate, very purpose driven to be working with urban students that are really disadvantaged and really looking at equity and opportunity inside our urban communities.
And when my husband, he suddenly got sick with cancer. We couldn't even diagnose it. It was, you know, we really talk about it in the book, kind of like the journey and the arc of what transpired. But he literally died in weeks and had no treatment. Uh, we were at the [00:04:00] hospital in Tampa, eventually at MD Anderson, and then he died at home with hospice and that journey.
Took me through what you refer to when you talk about yourself, right, is like the shattering, the shatterings very real and very raw. And then you know, the process of healing to where I am today. A little bit about not quite seven and a half years past, he died December 6th, 2018, and. I have become a transformational soul coach.
So really working in a spiritual space for what I say, going within the divine. You know, what is within each of us and beyond ourselves. You can call it the creator God, spirit, universe, whatever that space is, but really connecting in that space for healing. And embracing it, right?
Speaker: I think it's interesting. So I came from a healthcare background. You come from a law background and I often tell my audience like. [00:05:00] To me, a life coach is not a real job. You know, that was something very fluffy, very like somebody just made that up. And so I'm curious for you, as you thought about going from a background that's very serious, very heavy, very, factual to something that feels a little.
Less tangible, maybe a transformational soul coach like that is amazing. And also, I'm curious if you had any hesitation or if you had any doubts about making that leap or changing or adding onto your career path?
Speaker 2: I think it's a fabulous question, right? Because how could I not, you know, you know, a lawyer for almost 30 years, 78 cities, federal court, US Supreme Court, of course, yes.
It was very much that lawyers in that critical analytical, brain, logical analyzing space, and this is very heart-centered and, and, and it's not as. Touchable. But you know, I [00:06:00] think for the audience is for us to know that, that energy exists within each one of us. And that we are sacred and we are divine.
And the other piece that I've added to my work is in last year I became certified with going with Grace as a death doula. So it's really even more so in that space. And I think, I think it's a great question that you asked Emily, because in the beginning, right, like I will remember. Jim was always guiding me.
He guides me. I connect with him and. I had this sense like around his death anniversary, it was his fifth year, and that I was going to share with the world that I'm going to step into this space. I've been, training and whatnot, and as soon as I spoke the words to the universe, as soon as I said that I'm doing this work, as soon as I embodied it, then it started to live through me.
Mm-hmm. So it's, yes, huge leap. And I encourage anyone just like yourself, like I meet so many hospice [00:07:00] nurses that are in the death doula space. It's. It's okay to transform ourselves and transmute through the pain and to see what comes from it. And Yes, absolutely. You know, some people were like, what are you doing?
Who are you? What happened to you?
Speaker: You know? Right.
Speaker 2: But seriously, it's a great question and it takes a lot of courage, so. Yeah, I say to your listeners to really listen to yourself as I coach my clients, like honor your truth and be in that truth. And I think when we show up in this space as you are doing as well, like after deep loss, you know you are honoring your children every single day and your husband to show up in this space.
And it takes bravery, just like the entitlement of your podcast, courage, and a lot of truth. A lot of truth.
Speaker: Yeah. And I know some people will be curious. Can you tell us what is a death doula like, what do those people do and why you felt [00:08:00] called to step in that direction as well?
Speaker 2: So. Prior to the certification of becoming a death doula my children, myself, my parents were with my husband when he died.
I was with grandparents, both my, you know, grandmothers my father-in-law. It's something that I have always felt very called to be very much in connection with the. I would say the transition of our souls from a, a space of being in our physical bodies to releasing spiritually, right? So I've always been connected.
My mother tells a story in the intro of my book that after my grandfather had passed, I was seven years old about him visiting me, tucking me in bed, sitting on the edge of my bed, and she had, had witnessed the same thing. That night, but wasn't going to say anything to anybody yet. I, as a little girl, said to me, mommy, you know, and I shared this story, so I think I've always had this deep intuition.
So that's, I think you have to start there. And I've always had a capacity and an opening, but then [00:09:00] with Jim's death. I'll say to you honestly, he shared with me, and again, it's a chapter in the book, but it's called, he said to me, he said, honey, I am being held in the hands of God and I'm at peace. So it was somebody who had a, I believe, a religion of kindness.
Um, he had a deep connection at that. Moment in time. And I think there's so much love in that space and I think as a society we kind of avoid and deny, and I'm sure for all your listeners, so often it's so challenging because people don't want to talk about the end of life. So what is a death doula?
Death doula could be many things. They take on a lot of different roles. There's a lot of diversity in the space. Some people work with say, you and I, just, how is it that you want? To pass. What spiritually would you wanna hear? Are there psalms? Is there music? Who, where do you wanna be? Think about all your senses, right?
You know, what do you wanna [00:10:00] smell? What do you wanna be listening to? Who do you want to be touching or be with you? You know, that's part of it. But part of it can be like wanting just to have a green burial. What does that mean? You know? So there's so many different options as a lawyer. And others can bring to it as well.
Like talking about what are advanced directives? How do we look at medical versus palliative and hospice care? Very important conversation. A death doula can just bring some softness to the space of having conversations around what does the end of life can and look like, and be prepared for it, but also to soften it in a way.
Just to be present. It could be sitting in a, as individual and quiet in silence. It's really whatever. The patient as well as the family, which often in this space on hospice calls the circle, circle of support. ALU Arthur, who I did my [00:11:00] training with one of the most beautiful things she says, Emily, she says, to have a soft forward.
And a strong back, right? So you lean in to be present with your patient, but yet have a strong back to hold that space, however that's needed. So it's really, I think, the art of a death doula. Is really coming to it with a lot of presence for what your patient and family needs. So it's not about answers, it's about listening and helping to fill in that space based on honoring them.
Speaker: That's so beautiful. That's amazing. And I know one question that I get a lot that I'm sure people would have for you too is. I know you're, you're seven plus years out from your husband dying and you're in a space where you're probably working with, with couples, um, who are going through hospice or terminal illness or deterioration in some way.
And [00:12:00] so how do you not take that grief on how do you mitigate when. Maybe there's something that reminds you of your past experience. How do you hold space for those clients without also carrying their grief on your own shoulders?
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, it's a beautiful question. Um, something for everybody listening, it's something that I teach is the being a conscious guide of Living and dying Awake.
Okay, so what does that mean? So much of that is really being in presence, so being in this space, if it's a younger couple or anybody, you know, somebody recently had breast cancer and was dying and in the hospice home, and so being younger or being surrounded by whether it's parents or loved ones. It's really, it's not making it about me at all.
It's really putting myself in a position of being completely present for what is in the environment. Right? So holding space with love, [00:13:00] with compassion, with empathy, really wanting to bring as much of that love into that space, right? One of the things I think for my husband and myself, and as he was dying, is.
You know, just being completely present with him and really honoring his space that he was in. So whether female or male, widow, widow, or, it's like really holding that energy up and in the room and really being present and that, that takes a lot of healing on my own space. But it's, it's. Allowing and not resisting what's going on in the room.
It's bringing to it a place of honoring what is being felt, and not fixing anything. It's not my job to fix anything. So if it's tears, if it's sobbing, if it's touching of a hand, if it's sitting in silence, if it's a prayer, you know, [00:14:00] whatever that family needs. That's all that matters.
So I think it's never about how long or the time, 'cause we all ebb and flow through grief, Emily. It comes, it goes, it visits us. You never know when, but. It's, for me, it's an honor. I think recently I was in a place where somebody was transitioning and it was a fam place where somebody was by themselves and did not have family present at all.
And I believe he had family, but they just weren't present yet. And so say in a spiritual sense, I didn't know him, but yet in a deep meditative space as far as standing and grace at the edge of the bed. I felt a tremendous connection through love, and in that moment I felt as though I was being guided with a message of we are given love at birth and we are also, I write this as well.
It's something I talk about, but it's really given [00:15:00] that sacred breath at death, at the end of life and that soul's transmission and leaving the physical body. So at that moment. I felt so much love, and I found it so interesting that I was like, oh, I'm being really taught a lesson that we enter this world with love.
We leave this world with love. We don't have to know someone to give love.
Giving and showing and holding a space of love without words is really powerful. I believe really that's what we bring in the world and that's what we leave as we leave the world. So it's how do we show and share that love, whether it's with the soul that we know or don't know, however we are showing up, whether it's as a death doula, if it's just, you know, as a hospice volunteer, as a death doula, however, whatever that is, that's the real beauty.
I mean, that's really, that's the absolute, for me, that's the [00:16:00] sacred space.
Speaker: I love how you used the word, I think it was honoring or like acknowledging and witnessing someone's journey and someone's experience, and there is something just very sacred about that. Very humbling, I think about being the person who's part of that process and getting to participate in some way.
So.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's, it's a blessing. It's like, it's, I mean, it's definitely a sacred container. It's very sacred, and you know, you're being given a space in that vessel. So how you hold space, how you show up. Like, I always go into a place of meditation before I enter that space. Like I it is a huge honor and a gift.
And, um, I'm actually working with two producers. They, it's called the Great Beyond, but the film itself is a butterfly has been released and it's the reason why I share with you, it's a hospice nurse in her final 39 days and kind [00:17:00] of what she brought in for herself and how she celebrated her life at the end of life.
Did not have a funeral, but had a celebration of life while she was living. And really, um. Chose not to have treatment. And so I say for your, all of your listeners, whether in the space of somebody is living or dying or has recently died, there's something really sacred in all of this. So it's who you, bring into your, I talk about it as a tribe, but who's your support?
Who's your circle of support? Who do you bring in and. Just trust yourself. Listen to yourself and know that there's no right or wrong, and there's nobody that has to be present, and there's nobody that gets to claim that space for you. It's your sacred space and for that person you love and just honor it, honor your truth, whatever that truth is, is what's right for you.
Speaker: So good. So tell us about your book. Tell us [00:18:00] about how you work with people now and all of that fun stuff.
Speaker 2: Sure. Be honored. So first the book, it's interesting 'cause it really, I believe it's really been channeled through me. It's called Divine Ashes Ascending and it, the way that I have the book.
Laid out is that you enter into my memoir, but then there's a meditation and then there's a reflection pauses that follow. So it's developed so that you have a journal, take it with you, and that you go through your own transformational healing space in the book. So even though I take you in through my story, I don't see it as being about me.
I see it as being like grief, literacy, bringing in presence work. Transformational arc for and healing for the reader. So the focus is one of service and to really bring in the reader where you can step into the space anywhere, right? So if somebody is listening and has a soulmate, a partner, a loved one who is dying.
You may have young [00:19:00] children, or my self, I had adolescent children. I shared with my 16-year-old. He's like, mom, I, I don't know what to say or do. And my husband literally died at home within a week. And I said to my son, you know, I gave him guidance about. Writing to his father and going into a space of gratitude memories like what was the legacy that his father was going to leave with him?
And core beliefs and core values. And I share that letter in the book, but then I have, I don't know how many questions they, six or seven questions that lead the reader through the same process for themselves. So something they can share for themselves, something for their children. So to, that's to give you a sense, like the whole book is a guide and a tool for everything that I've lived through.
So, like my older son said to me, gosh, mom, I wish I would've done the same thing I had, you know, he was in a more state of denial and anger and could not embody what my younger one had to at that [00:20:00] moment. My younger son knows exactly what he said to his dad that he got in bed, crawled next to him. Cried and read this beautiful letter to his dad.
He knows those exact words. I wish I did it. I tell all my clients, it's a beautiful way to provide a testimonial.
Through my transformational coaching, another tool. It's such an easy thing and so many people don't think about it, but is to do live videos for my children about living, right? So for everybody listening, it's so easy to take our phones.
You know, your children might be too young to share the messages right now. I have now done four or five videos at different moments where I give messages to my children about what I want them to embody and to live, and the lessons I want them to take from the death of their dad so that they have those lessons from me.
So it's verbal testimonials [00:21:00] of how to live. So the book and my coaching are ways to guide. Each reader on their own journey of healing. So, um, you know, later on in the book I talk about what is a death doula? What is, you know, the right to die? How do we have agency around dying? What is the difference between palliative and hospice care?
So it's a lot about grief, literacy, about my own journey. So it's kind of mirroring each other. And to know that we're not alone. I mean, one of the chapters are, you're not alone. We're never alone yet. I'm sure so many of your listeners feel desperately isolated and alone. So what do we do so that we're not alone?
So those are just different pieces to share with you. But you know, as a coach, definitely, you know. My audience is the same as yours is to working a lot with women in space of grief and to move through the healing process. There's so many different modalities to support and guide and [00:22:00] to work through. So I'm available as a coach to work one-on-one, and then also the book is in a service that I see working through, whether it's hospice or otherwise to be, you know, a guidepost.
Speaker: Mm, amazing. I will put your links to that You've shared with me in all the show notes so people can find them, but just for people who are listening who are interested in your book or in your work and contacting you, what would you say is the best way for them to find you?
Speaker 2: I think it's really important is that I'm personally available.
I'm sure you feel the same way, Emily. So it's Julie at Rising Phoenix Life. Anybody who wants to email me, I will respond to through my website, which is Rising Phoenix Life, or Julie Wright Halbert on LinkedIn. You can find me and set up a free. Just introductory call. I don't charge anything for the initial conversation at all.
It's really about showing up to listen and be present and to see if I could [00:23:00] be helpful. And the book, there's a book portal. There's a free meditation that you'll have in your show notes. That's the opening. It's this, it's the unfolding, it's the becoming, it's the awakening, being in a place of presence, and so that I provide as a free gift to your audience.
And the book will be out in mid-October, and you can sign up in there, or on my Substack as well, under Julie Wright Halbert, uh, live awake. There's so many different options to connect, but I will connect and I'm very responsive.
Speaker: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming, Julie, and for sharing your story and the amazing work that you're doing that's so needed.
For people that are out there, I just. I really love when people give back and impact in a way that maybe they wish they would've had when they went through that experience.
Speaker 2: No, thank you. Thank you, Emily, for putting yourself out there, for creating this podcast for all the work you're doing. All of the, I saw amazing tools you're providing to your audience.
We talked about coming from different [00:24:00] aspects, but showing up in the same space, and it's really a gift to give back, so I'm honored.
Speaker 3: All right. Are you ready for the details of what's going on in Brave Widow? Well, I can't tell you everything, but I'm gonna tease you a little bit. So we are planning our very first ever in-person retreat at this beautiful resort in southern Oregon. And it will be happening June 28th through July 1st.
And we are rapidly putting together the informational packets, the signup sheets, all of the details. 'cause I know there are some of you who are raising your hands and saying, sign me up. I don't need any details. And there are others of you that are like, I need all the details. I need to know every single thing.
So my desire with this retreat, this is gonna be called Renew, a Brave Widow Retreat and Celebration for our academy [00:25:00] graduates. And our goal at this retreat is to allow you to exhale, rest and sink into. Who you are now, the things that you have been through to allow you to restore your energy, connect back with yourself, with other widows who are present, and to begin to identify this future version for yourself so that you can arise and return back to life with some. Really practical insights, a change of heart, and just this most beautiful experience.
My plan is to create an experience where you just feel so taken care of, where all you need to do is just get yourself to the airport and we will pick you up from there. We'll help you with your bags, we'll get you in the transportation to [00:26:00] the resort, and that essentially everything at the resort is taken care of for you so that there's not a lot of coordinating, planning, figuring.
Things out that you just feel very seen and taken care of and elevated during this experience. I'm so excited to be able to share more about that with you here in the next couple of weeks. You do not want to miss it. You do not want to miss this. Okay. Also, coming in the near future is a space specifically for widows who are in deep grief.
And originally I was gonna call it Brave New Widow because we tend to think of widows who are earlier on in grief because life is just super overwhelming. But we also know that time alone is not what heals us. Time alone isn't what makes grief. Bearable or easier, or [00:27:00] life more manageable. So this isn't just for new widows, it's for any widow.
It doesn't matter how long you've been widowed, if you feel overwhelmed, you feel overstimulated. You feel like you're living in chaos. Maybe your nervous system is on fire. Maybe you wake up every day. Like one of my clients who told me, I feel like half of me is deeply grieving my husband, and half of me is thinking about the future.
And I am in the center wondering, what's the point? Maybe you feel like that too. And so my goal is to create a container and a space specifically for widows who are in those seasons where life is just really hard and there will be no timelines. There will be no six months. And it's not gonna be like the academy where you graduate in six months.
Like it's our incubator. Of safety, of healing, of connection and community, [00:28:00] and you ha will have access to the space for as long as you desire to have access to that space. Um, so. Information on that will also be coming out in the next couple of weeks. And I am just really excited about being able to have a place there for, for widows who are in those seasons.
And then lastly, I wanted to tell you about the academy. So we kicked off last Thursday with this round of the academy, and by the time you hear this, most likely the doors will be closed because we were gonna close them. Right before Thursday of the second week for our, our group, our next group will most likely kick off in July.
They will meet on Monday evenings. We're working on exactly what time it's gonna happen on Monday evenings, but we're looking at a start date of July. And so if you're interested in the academy, [00:29:00] go ahead and get your application in and. Some of the things that if you guys you may or may not know, but.
There's no obligation if you apply. There's no commitment that you're deciding to join, right? The application just lets me know where you are currently and whether or not Academy would be a great fit for you or maybe for something else. And it allows me to, engage in a communication with you and maybe even set up a call if we feel like that would be the best thing.
So that I can make sure that we're meeting you where you are right now and helping you take the best next step for you, whether or not that's academy, we have something for everyone. And we also wanna make sure in the academy that we. Only accept people who would be a great fit for that environment. We typically cap out the number of attendees of around 15 or so widows.
And so we wanna be intentional about [00:30:00] who we're inviting in the room, about who's gonna be going on this journey, and just making sure that it's a great fit for them. So. If you're interested in joining the July group that will be starting this summer, go ahead and fill out your application at brave.com/academy and that just gets us started.
If you are like, oh, academy sounds a little advanced, I'm not sure it's right for me, I really don't know what would be right for me. It all feels overwhelming and confusing or I'm just not sure if this is right for me. Look, you can schedule a call with me. It's not a big sales call. I'm not gonna pressure you to hurry up and make a decision or to buy something from me, right?
That's not the intent of the call, but you and I can have a call together. While I will carefully walk through a structured set of questions, like an intake process that I walk through with all of my new clients and help [00:31:00] identify what are the main things you're struggling with now, I will explain how I could help you or how I'm thinking about what it is that's.
Feeling the heaviest for you right now and point you in the right direction of what I think would be the best help for you. We have a level of access at Brave Widow that is always free, so to schedule a call with me, just go to brave widow.com/call CALL, and you can schedule a call with me and I'll help you learn about the options and pick something that makes the most sense for you or decide.
That this isn't the right fit for you. , I only want people in this program who I believe that I can serve, that I can help move forward, that I can help heal and expand from where they are. And so if I don't think it's a great fit, I will tell you I'm only here to serve the people who I am called to serve and that I am called to help.
And then lastly, we [00:32:00] have an always free. A tear within Brave Widow and I give more in this free community than I have seen a lot of other free communities give. And that's because I want you. To step in to our community to get a taste and a flavor of what it's like. I want you to be able to go ahead and start making changes right away to start taking your next baby steps without any pressure or any timelines or any expectation that you have to join anything else.
And so we have a free community where we have a private messaging. Um, app that we use. Do you have a private group where you can ask for help at any time or you can talk with other widows there or get direction there? We have weekly calls where I share some of the best. Lessons, best tips, best tools, best strategies that I [00:33:00] use with my clients every day.
Um, I share some of those there. And typically we have time to do a little bit of coaching or sharing on that call as well. So if you want some coaching, you have access to that and I lead those calls. Each week and then, um, we have a monthly prayer night that you can participate in or a monthly prayer call that you can participate in as well if you desire to do that.
Uh, we have some courses that are loaded in for you for free and just all kinds of, all kinds of goodies that I do as a way of serving and giving back. This is why. There is an investment element to some of our programs in Brave Widow because we do give so much back, and because we do help so many people and we do have scholarships and ways of admitting people and to our programs who truly need the financial support.
So when you choose to [00:34:00] invest. In a Brave Widow program, you are not just investing in yourself in your own healing and growth, but you're making it possible for us to do all of these other things for all widows, regardless of their ability to pay, regardless of their ability to also be able to invest.
This is the way that we make it possible. All right, so I know that was a lot. You can always go to brave widow.com to see the latest and greatest of what's going on, but we have our retreat that's coming up.
Our new space for widows and deep grief coming up, and we have our next academy group that we are already accepting applications for. So if you're interested in joining by July, just go to brave widow.com/academy. I'll see you guys next time.
Speaker 10: The Brave Widow Academy is open now, and it's where I help widows just like you move from surviving to living with a [00:35:00] proven path coaching and a community of other widows who get it. If you're ready to take the next step, go to brave widow.com/academy to join us. I'll see you on the inside.
