BW 183
===
Emily: [00:00:00] Do you ever wish that there was a way that people could more easily ask you how you're doing and you could actually tell them how you're doing without getting into all the details? A question as simple as, how's the weather? Well, today my fellow widow and new friend Erin, is gonna share her journey of creating this grief language for people to be able to have conversations, to check in with family and friends, and to explain how they're feeling, whether it's a bright, sunny day or a really dark storm.
Alright, let me introduce you to Erin.
Erin Clark is the founder of How's the Weather, a movement born from Personal Loss after the death of her husband, Greg, in the early days of grief, she found the question, how are you often felt too heavy, too [00:01:00] final, or impossible to answer, honestly. How's the weather emerged as a softer language, one that allows widows and grievers to name their inner landscape without pressure to be okay, strong or healed Through community storytelling and everyday connection.
This movement honors the reality that grief doesn't move in a straight line and neither do we. Erin's mission is to create spaces where widows feel seen, where silence is respected, and where no one has to explain the storm they're standing in. You can find her @ hows-the-weather.com, and at all of the links that are available in the show notes.
Let's dive in.
Speaker: Hey. Hey, and welcome back to another episode of The Brave Widow Show. Erin, thank you so much for being willing to come and to share your story and, what you've been doing with your story as well.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me, Emily. I really appreciate [00:02:00] just another way to connect with people.
How's the weather is something I started in a dark period of my life. I was married to my husband, Greg Clark. I've always called him first and last name, so everyone that knows me will get a gig out of that. I've known Greg since I was 19 and he passed away when I was 55 and he was 58. And we raised two amazing kids and Greg was a sheriff.
I worked in the schools, also the supermarket, so had to find, as I used to always say, just a simple great life and. How's the weather begin when Greg passed away in 2021? And the question, how are you, which is a, an amazing pleasantry, right? We've been saying it to each other for years, and when I was asked, how are you, this time in my life, it was too heavy for me to answer, right?
So. I started saying to my [00:03:00] siblings and my friends and my neighbors, could you just ask me how the weather is? And even though they might not have understood what that meant or what my answer was going to be, it soon became our language. I could just simply say I had a rainy day. That equated to, I was crying and maybe someone would just sit with me and be no questions asked, no pressure of like, how are you doing?
You know, because most of us, when we are asked, how are you? We're fine. And this gave me, gave me less pressure to answer that question and more like a simpler way to just relate to. To help relate that question, right? Because people feel helpless on the other side of, I'm grieving, I don't have the answers to how I'm feeling, but how about the other people?
How about the people that love you so much and just wanna be there for you and they really, truly mean? How [00:04:00] are you? Because they don't wanna feel helpless. They wanna help. And so when I began this language. It not only helped me, but it helped them.
Speaker: I love that. And it was a little funny 'cause when we first connected, I was like, how's the weather?
Oh, I hate when people ask me about the weather. Just because of being a lifelong introvert and having an aversion for small talk. But then of course, I like went out and looked at your website and like what the question is and what your website actually is. And I was like, oh, I, no, I actually love this.
And it's something you incorporated with your friends. And so I know a question that my audience will have is, once you just started asking people like, Hey, instead of asking how I am, can you just ask me how the weather is? How would people respond if you were like, oh, it's dark and stormy.
It's been like tornado ish today. Are people comfortable or do they ask you questions? Or how do people typically [00:05:00] respond when you're being honest and vulnerable about having a hard time?
Speaker 2: Great question, right? Because as I mentioned before, it's like this language also helps the other person, right?
And so just like I call this like a new language, just like a new language at first. Maybe they would answer to say, you're like, oh, literally I can't stand, how's the weather? Is it raining? Is that, but over time, they felt more comfortable. And one of the things that I say with grief is, while you're going through grief and you have friends and family that wanna help.
The best thing that I have found if, if they just come and be, and so with how's the weather? They were able to just come and be and not try to fix it and not try to have different words. Like if I said stormy, maybe we would joke around with what does that mean? I remember when Greg first passed away and I would write in my journal.
[00:06:00] One of the first things that I wrote was equating what I was feeling to being thrown off a ship. And the winds and the storm and the waves were just something I couldn't handle. But that's what I felt like my body was going through. To that question of what your audience might be curious to, how people respond.
They can respond and feel comfortable with my answer of how's the weather is. But they can also equate this to like, maybe I don't, uh, know what it feels like to lose a spouse, but what you're saying right now about the waves and the storm and all this, like, I relate that to my life. Maybe I've lost a job or a marriage or even to the point of like, maybe I have kids and it's teenagers and.
They're, I know they're struggling, but we don't have the communication. So yes, it has been more and more comfortable using this language on both sides, uh, for me and then my friends, my [00:07:00] family, and now the community that I've built around. How's the weather?
Speaker: Hmm. Yeah, I love that. And I love that you have some people in your life who are like, okay, sure, we'll give this a try and, have fun with it at times.
Or maybe it just breaks the ice where. You don't wanna feel like you're trauma dumping on somebody when they ask how you're doing, but at the same time, it's a tentative, I'll just put this out there and if they wanna ask more, they can. If not, they can be like, oh, sorry to hear about that.
How far have you taken this? How's the weather? So what all do you do? Where is this going? Give us the details. I
Speaker 2: will, I will. It's super exciting. So sort of the back story, elevator version of that answer is, my husband passed away on the 2nd of October.
This year was his fourth anniversary, so the 18th of September, I was having a conversation with a [00:08:00] friend of mine, Shauna, who is my partner in this. She told me a story about how she was speaking to her patient and the patient was sharing that she had lost her husband a year ago, and she was really struggling with.
The pleasantry, the niceness, her friends, her family, asking how she was doing, checking in, and she said, I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know how to answer that. So Shauna said, oh, you should just adapt what my friend Erin says. Just tell them or talk to them about how's the weather. It really touched this lady.
She started to use that and made her feel better. It made her community, her friends, her children. Talk differently. So when Shauna was sharing this story with me on the 18th of September, I was listening, and maybe everybody can relate to a DD. I was listening, I was in it, but in my head I was like, oh my gosh, I have to trademark this.
We [00:09:00] have been talking like this for four years, and if it just helped that one lady, that one. Grieving person, what are we doing? Like, let's share this. So fast forward, I wanted to honor Greg like I had in the last three years. I write 'em letters. We're big letter writers. So I learned how to, I turn this into a business trade market and where have I gone?
So today it's 15 weeks old.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker 2: And I started, so I have, merchandise, I have hats, sweatshirts, stickers and beanies. And I just thought, okay, I'm gonna put the origin story on my social medias. I'm gonna put, I got a website and I'm gonna put that out. I'm the youngest of 13. So even if it just went out to my siblings and my nieces and nephews, I was like, okay, we got it.
We got the story out. So the answer to where's it gone [00:10:00] today is the 15th week.
Speaker: Wow. And we
Speaker 2: have reached 14 states and one country. And what that means. Yes. Thank you. Well, one thing is. Along the way, the short time people have said, Erin, this is a movement. And I often joke that, with many things that I've learned along learning the business side of it is new words.
And I have heard the word movement, but I probably would've never equated it to this. But I am embracing it. It is a movement. It's a movement by. The stories that I've heard by where it touched that one lady that Shauna had an interaction with to now 14 states in one country. So that's just the start of this movement.
And I'm humbled, really. I'm humbled by people's interests, people supporting us, whether they buy a [00:11:00] sweatshirt. And maybe they're just sharing a story that this touched them, that this language is something that they're learning.
Speaker: Yeah, I love that. And I had no idea that it was that recent that you started your organization and the website.
Like everything looks very professional. You look like you've been doing it for a long time. So, amazing job like. I don't know if you've ever started a business before, but it can be brutal and intimidating and really hard. So, well done on that. And for already having reached so many states and just so many people, who are resonating with your message, obviously it is resonating.
It is impacting people.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much and to the point of have you ever started a business? Absolutely not. I am. I think that things happen in your life at the right timing, whether they're good or bad. You know, the timing of Greg's death anytime it [00:12:00] happened wasn't, isn't great and I. I am just recently saying this, and this will go along being a business owner.
Now I have just recent, so four years in, I think two days ago, I really embraced calling myself a widow, and
I don't know. I think the reason why it took me so long is because. Grief doesn't have a true definition, right? Meaning how's the right time to do this? When do you do this? How do you feel this? You're just trying to survive. And so labels, or maybe in my case, ideas or being prepared for when things might happen.
I don't think I had those skills in the last four years, and I don't even know if I have them now, but I'm learning and to the business part, no. This is my very first business and I wrote three things that I had to do every day to get that [00:13:00] launch out, if you will, from September 18th to 10 to, and so those three things.
Help me build this business. And now I'm just thinking about how they equated to my beginning steps of grief. So when Greg first passed away, I took a sticky note every day, like I had a stack of sticky notes, and each day I would put a sticky note on my mirror and it said three things. Get up. Take a shower and move, and that is it.
I did not have, without that. The moment I, maybe you and your audience can, relate to this without tho that, those things to look forward to each day I opened my eyes. It felt like Groundhogs Day. I wanted my coffee that Greg brought me for 30 years. I wanted, that simple life and I opened my eyes and I was like, oh, no thank [00:14:00] you.
I'll just go back to bed. But I had those three things that I had to do. Very simple. But it helped me survive. And so to the point of have I, ever owned a business? No. But what got me through that were those three things on my sticky note every day and every day. Certainly it was not get up, take a shower and move, but it was okay, the three things I have to do today, get your license, figure out this.
And I was able to do that. I knew it was gonna be a hard feat, just like grief, right. But I did it and I was able to celebrate Greg and tell my story on ten two.
Emily: That's amazing. And there are, it is just such an inspiration for. Other people who maybe they want to write a book or start a business or just they have a message that they want to get out and use to encourage other people, and you're like.
Modeling what is possible that somebody who's never done this before [00:15:00] can just sink into the confidence of, well, I'm just gonna figure it out one step at a time. Like, other people have done it, I can do it too. And so I just think that's really amazing. Thank
Erin: you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I think that.
Yeah, like I said before, if we can get into a community, the How's the Weather is all about community connection and if we can help just one person by saying one sentence or share our story and just everybody say, Hey, yeah, we are able to be seen and heard, and maybe I don't have an outlet, maybe I don't have family members, maybe I have friends.
But they live far away. And, and also you can have all of that. I mean, I mentioned earlier I'm the, the youngest girl out of 13. I am very fortunate to have a big community and a lot of people that love me very, very much. And it was it [00:16:00] felt really bad to. Say in my head that I feel very alone. Like how could I feel so alone?
When I had everybody to call, I almost felt like I was like disrespecting them. I never said that to them, but you can feel very alone in all of this, whether you don't have anybody or whether you're blessed enough to have a huge community. So
Speaker: yeah,
Speaker 2: it's one person listens to this and says, okay. Maybe I can write down three things to survive today, or maybe I resonated with how's the weather and when my neighbor, male lady or my family member calls me and says, you know, how are you?
And that feels overwhelming. They can use this.
Speaker: Yeah. Well it is something that I know even for my students in the academy, they'll recognize this, where people get really discouraged because they feel like I don't know how to respond when somebody asks how I'm doing, [00:17:00] and I don't wanna just. Vomit on them, like all my problems.
But also it feels dishonest to be like, oh, I'm doing fine. And so we just talk about different ways that people can looking at the context of who's asking you and how much time you have to talk or how well you want them to know what's going on in your life versus this being like a nice, gentle way of.
Allowing other people to feel comfortable with really asking you and you feeling comfortable with being able to say how you're feeling, even if maybe you just can't find the words. Yeah. Maybe you don't know. You're like, I don't know. I just don't feel good. Like it's just a struggle. But we all experienced different types of weather and so I think it's a great way to help.
Be able to even vocalize what it is that you're feeling and how life has been. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you. Thank you for that. [00:18:00] To that point of students and, and, having a conversation and most of us quickly say, how are you? We say, fine. Right. I got an opportunity to speak to some teachers the other day, and I got invited by their principal.
I had never met the principal. She loved the idea. She said, can you just come speak with us? So she welcomed me at the school and I handed her a gift and I said, how's the weather? And she said, gosh, it's been really stormy lately and kind of rough seas, but I feel like the sun is finally coming out. And so then I spoke at the staff meeting and.
I said, do you have any questions? And they all seemed, very excited that I was bringing this new language to the staff and the kids. And the principal said, I just wanna share something. I don't, I've never met Erin. We just talked through email. But I had a conversation with her that was five minutes or less.
And all she said was, how's the [00:19:00] weather? And I feel like she knows my life. And she didn't. It wasn't intrusive. She didn't then have a reply to like, it's stormy, it's rainy. The sun's out. She just. Accepted it and was there, and like why I say that is I think this will also help the receiver, right? Um, because sometimes the best thing you can do, I think I said it earlier, but it is worth repeating when any one of us is on the other side of like, what can I do for people?
I think we're all such fixers, but sometimes just being. So just like with the principal, she shared what was going on and I didn't respond. I didn't try to fix it. I just understood it. We only had, five minutes together and so in that five minutes I stayed still and just listened to her where compared to, how are you?
Which by the way, we love, how are you too? Right. We've been saying it for a long time. [00:20:00] But sometimes it stops us and we just say, fine. And meanwhile, your, maybe your life is falling apart. It would be really nice just for five minutes to say like, this is what's going on. And then someone heard you, you feel seen, and hopefully you feel like you got a little load off your shoulder and you released it a little bit.
When we release things, we feel a little bit more better. I know I walk every day because I always say it. It releases the stress and the grief in my head. Does it make it go away? No, but it releases a little bit and I think it's important for mental health to learn to release. And so even if this five second, even if these three words help others release.
A little bit of stress or open up a conversation with kids or adults that we think we have it together. We think we have figured out a language and we think that we're able to [00:21:00] tell our best friends or families or sisters or moms and dads really how we are. But I bet if we're being honest, we haven't completely told them.
And so this has a open. A conversation. Like I said the other day, I think I was talking to somebody, I said three words has changed everything.
Speaker: Where do you see, how's the weather going? What do you see for the future is, are you still figuring that out, being so early on? What do you think?
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, thank you for that question because yeah, the quickest answer is. Just figuring out a business. I am just figuring it out and where I see it going is worldwide.
I mean, if we can touch 14 states in this quick of a time, and thank you. Thank you, God, for all this connection. I don't see a limit. I see this everywhere. I see just like learning a new language, whether it's sign language or my kids were in high school and one learned French and one [00:22:00] learned. I.
There's so many different languages, right? We're all learners forever in our life, hopefully. So I see this everywhere. I see it in schools. I would love to see it in hospitals. One of my sisters, unfortunately, has one of our sisters passed away of cancer. And my other sister Kelly, she's just, if I can say it, a badass and is going through a treatment.
And I would love for just a little sunshine in that room that you get chemo and everyone to have, how's the weather on them? And just bring some light into a dark area. So I see it in the, I just feel like. Octopus, hands just like everywhere and it doesn't feel overwhelming. It feels like, yeah, let's go.
Let's go talk about it. Let's go to, you know, like I said, I had the opportunity to go to a school and I, I am open to all opportunity [00:23:00] because, not only do I believe in it, not only is it helping me every day, but you know, what's that all saying? The proof is in the pudding. Like I might pe, I might bring people here for the logo.
Like they love it. They're like, oh, what's that? And then it's a conversation.
Speaker: It's a whole grief language. I think about it and all the things that people say that. Aggravate us or rub us the wrong way, or people don't know what to say, you're helping to teach them of what is helpful to support people in grief.
So yeah, show 'em your shirt. Show off your beautiful shirt. How's the weather? Yes,
Speaker 2: thank you. Yeah, little plug. A little plug right there. So, yes. Yeah. I appreciate that. That's awesome. Thank
Speaker: you. Any last words of advice or anything that people, let's say there are some widows who are listening right now that.
Are just wondering maybe how do I get this started? How do I bring this [00:24:00] up? Are people gonna think I'm crazy? Like all the stuff our mind wants to feed us? What would you say to that person?
Speaker 2: Well, first I would say all of those things are true. Right. Just acknowledge that, right? Give your, give yourself grace in all of those things that come to your mind.
Because if you don't give yourself grace, then you're like, you won't get started on anything. You'll be like, Ugh. If I feel like this is ridiculous, what are people gonna do? Listen, I still with this as new as it is, and as much as I believe in this. Someone kind of just eyeroll to me the other day or literally answered the question like, how's the weather?
It's sunny. Which is fabulous too, right? So what I would say to all the widows or people that are going through grief in whatever, 'cause I always, I also say. That how the weather is and started the origin with my grief. But this is about living. This is about experience and [00:25:00] life. And life can be filled with a lot of sunny moments, but it can also be filled whether you're a kid in high school and you don't fit in, or you are feeling, just overwhelmed with things two.
A divorce, just life things, right? So what I would say to the widows is acknowledge all of that, acknowledge the crazy thoughts, and then maybe start with, how can I really get this language in my community to my friends? Maybe take my advice and get that post-it note and say, today I am gonna reach out to three people.
I'm going to start using this language and practice it just like I would if I was taking a sign language class or learning a new language. Like the more we practice something, it's like also working out. The more we do it, the stronger we get, so the more we talk about it. The easier the language would be.
So I would say all of [00:26:00] that. And also, I'm with you and I see you and I understand you, and it's not fun. It's not a club any one of us would've signed up for, but we're here. And whether you have a huge community and you're blessed enough to have that or you don't. You're not alone, and everyone has felt those thoughts that you have, so hopefully that helps.
Speaker: Yes. I love that. Thank you so much. And for people who are watching slash listening you can find Erin at how's the weather.com and she's also on TikTok and Instagram and YouTube, and we'll put all the links in the show notes so that you can easily find her. Erin, thank you so much for coming, for sharing your story, your mission, your movement, your message, like all of the things.
And, just bringing a little bit of sunshine to the Brave Widow Show.
Speaker 2: Thank you so [00:27:00] much. I am grateful for you. It is people like you that have an amazing heart, an amazing message, an amazing story of your own, and that you stepped aside. Walked along, people that, have other stories and it takes this very special person and to welcome others alongside of them.
So I appreciate the opportunity that I got to walk with you today. I really do. So I thank you so much.
Emily: And for you, my loyal podcast audience members, I am gonna be sponsoring five lucky winners to receive some special merch from Erin's How's, the Weather Shop. And
if you'd like to be entered to win, just go to bravewidow.com/183 and enter your name into the drawing and we will draw for five lucky winners to win some [00:28:00] merch. I will be shipping inside of the United States. So for all of my international friends, I'm sorry.
But sometimes shipping is a little bit wild in different countries . Canada not so much an issue, but for a lot of other countries it can be crazy. So for this specifically, I'm gonna be sponsoring inside of the United States. And again, if you'd like to enter to win brave widow.com/ 1 8 3 and we'll be drawing some names.
Super fun. All right guys. I hope you enjoyed that episode and for my loyal audience members and fans who just can't get enough of hanging out with me I wanna give you a quick life update and. Just talk about some things that are going on in Brave Widow. So Erin was kind enough to send me some of this merch from How's the Weather?
And so I was excited to be able to wear it today to record the intro and this outro here and to have her on the show. That's amazing. [00:29:00] And also it is literally, it was three degrees this morning when I woke up. What is happening? I'm in the south southeast. We do get. Cold winter ish activity. So most of our winters here are pretty mild, but the past few days we've been part of this really big snow storm that's taken over a good significant portion of the country this past weekend and week, and so it snowed it.
Sleeted, is that a word? There's lots of ice and sleet that happened, that piled up and it was so crazy because it looked like rain as it was falling, but close up it looked like salt. And so we have these huge piles of snow, but it, they're like crunchy, crunchy little ice bits. And it did make me miss the Ohio snow when I lived in Ohio for a few years.
And the big, fluffy snowflakes, I'm totally missing that. But hey, it's still beautiful here. Although the roads are atrocious, so they'll probably be that way for a couple [00:30:00] days. And I just feel super grateful that I get to work from home. My heart is with all of the people who have to go to work, the people in the healthcare system, the emergency services system, the even the restaurant and retail to be available for people who need them.
Like I remember. In hospital and healthcare, like you go to work there, there's no inclement weather day. And so now there's still no inclement weather day for me unless our power goes out. But I'm very blessed in that I get to do it from home. So that's what's been going on for us the past couple of days, which is interesting on the snowy days.
So lemme tell you about some things we have coming up inside of Brave Widow. First of all, if you are not part of the free community inside of Brave Widow, stop whatever you're doing and go sign up. Just go to brave widow.com/free of R ee and we [00:31:00] are doing all kinds of things there, like you have access to so many things.
Inside of just the free tier of Brave Widow, including coming up on Thursday, February 12th, I'm gonna be doing a free guided meditation and some journaling activities in honor of Valentine's Day. So if you would like to be part of that, you absolutely can. You just need to sign up. By gonna brave widow.com/free, and you can be part of free calls and activities that we do, such as the guided meditation.
I would love to see you there for sure. We also have our next Brave Widow Academy cohort that is starting, and I have heard you, I have heard you, you have been asking for evening classes for quite a while, and let's be honest, being the mom of. Five and having three teenagers still at home. My [00:32:00] evenings are really busy and it's hard to be able to consistently commit every single week to hosting classes.
And so with the next Brave Widow Academy Group, we are going to host some evening classes. They will be on Thursdays from five to 7:00 PM Central Time, and that will start the first week of April. And in order to be able to do this and in order to be able to have some more availability inside of Brave Widow, I'm actually training up four of my clients to be Brave Widow certified coaches.
What? I'm so excited, and don't worry, I'm not throwing them to the wolves. I will be there to help them. They have been with me for months, if not years. Learning the process, being coached themselves, being part of Brave Academy. For some of them, this is their second round of academy that they're in right now for some even their third.
So they really are [00:33:00] well trained in the systems and the tools that we use. And I tap them on the shoulder because I see how they show up to the sessions. I see how they hold space for other people. I see how they have the spirit of someone who's a coach and an educator and a support system, and each of these individual clients are amazing for different reasons, and so I'm excited for you to be able to meet them.
My plan is to have them on the podcast, here over the next few months to have each of them come on and share more about their story so that you can see who you resonate with the most. And they're gonna start hosting some sessions for me so that I am no longer going to be the bottleneck and the constraint of the growth of Brave Widow and the Academy and the amazing things that are happening.
We had 10 people who started in the academy last week on Thursday, and it's just always so [00:34:00] exciting to be there, to kick off the call in a fun and unexpected way for people to join the call and be like, is this all been crazy? I'm having fun. We're having fun in a widows group. What. So I always like taking people a little by surprise the first time that we get together of the academy, but everybody came, they participated and it's gonna be such a good, good group.
And I would love for you to be part of the academy that starts in April. So here, over the next week or so, keep your eyes out for some information coming soon. And you guys know I love to do bonuses. For people who jump in early. And so, yes, I offer bonuses at different times, but the most fun and valuable ones are always in the beginning because I like to reward early deciders.
And don't worry, as I told someone who was not an early joiner of the last Academy group, I tend [00:35:00] to be a very generous person. So even though you may not get all of the bonuses, if you don't jump in early, I give out a lot of things throughout the whole six months together. And so you're gonna be surprised and delighted.
Don't let that hold you back from joining at any time, but. Just keep your eyes open for that. If you're not on my email list, get on the email list because that is when you'll know when the doors are open and it is time to jump in.
Lots of great things that are happening. Again, if you wanna be entered to win the house some, how's the weather? Merch brave widow.com/ 1 8 3, and for all the free resources, emails, trainings, things that I do, just to give back and support the overall grief community, go to brave widow.com/free. Get on the email list and you will get the invites.
Emily: If you're tired of feeling lost, lonely, and second guessing every decision, my coaching program is meant for you. I help [00:36:00] clients find clarity, create real connection, and build confidence up for good. Inside
the Brave Widow Academy
Emily: you'll learn real tools that you'll be able to use for a lifetime.
If you're ready for the next step, go to brave widow.com to book a consult. It's free. It's no pressure, and it can be your brave next step to healing your heart and building a life you love again. Go to brave widow.com today to book your consult.
