BW 182: First New Year As A Widow: 5 Permission Slips For Your Heart
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Emily: [00:00:00] Are you facing your first new year as a widow and feeling dread instead of hope? In this episode, I'm gonna share five permission slips for your heart so you can enter a new year without your person with gentleness, honesty, and faith. Instead of pretending that you're okay, everyone's shouting New year, new me, and you're thinking, I didn't even want this year to begin with.
I just wanted my person back.
If you're a widow staring at January, feeling sick, numb, or even angry at God, this episode is for you. Hi, I'm Emily from Brave Widow, and today I wanna hand you five permission slips for this new year without your person so you can get through it without faking it or falling apart.
Welcome to the Brave Widow Show, where we help widows find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future. I'm your host, Emily Tanner. After losing my husband of 20 years, [00:01:00] I didn't know how I could ever experience true joy and excitement again for the future. I eventually learned how to create a life I love, and I've made it my mission to help other widows do the same.
Learn more at BraveWidow. com
The calendar has changed. It's 2026 now, and you are walking into a year. But your person hasn't ever walked before, and maybe your social media feed is full of people proclaiming new year, new me, fresh start. Here are all the amazing things I'm gonna accomplish in 2026. Here are all the amazing things that I did in 2025, and you are floating in this weird in between.
Where the whole world and life is moving forward and you're stuck. You [00:02:00] are in the same spot. You're watching life happen around you and to you, but not through you.
January is a big month for our family, and so I remember the first January that I had without Nathan. He had died in July. We had my daughter's birthday, my birthday, our 20th wedding anniversary, all in less than 30 days from the date that he died. Then of course you have the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, new Year's, and then January.
Two of my boys have birthdays. My mom has a birthday, Nathan has a birthday, his dad has a birthday, like January is chock full of big dates and birthdays, and so January the first year just felt really brutal. Just one event right after the other. Right after the holidays, just felt like life wasn't stopping.
And [00:03:00] I remember the strangest feeling in January of that first year, it would've been 2022, when it was like, I'm in a year that Nathan never lived in, he never saw, he will never get to experience. And at the time I was still felt like I was trying to get my feet underneath me with this weird new life, and I didn't want to go into a new year.
I didn't know how it was possible that we were going into a new year and how. The world dared to keep spinning. After Nathan died. The things kept happening. People kept living their lives and I was just stuck floating in this very weird InBetween space. And so the new year can be a really weird and hard time for widows.
In many cases, the holidays are really difficult, and then you're coming into this like [00:04:00] fresh start, fresh new season. And yet you don't want a new start. You don't want a new season. You want to go back to the life that you had. And so today, instead of adding more pressure to your plate, instead of giving you more things to do, I wanna give you permission,
think of these as five permission slips that you can sign for yourself. Number one, you have permission to feel whatever it is that you feel you can be angry while the whole world is celebrating. You can be hurt. Confused, even mad at God and still deeply love him and deeply love your person. You can feel nervous and anxious about what's in store for the future.
You can feel hopeless that life is over pointless, that things aren't worth trying. Whatever it is that you feel, give yourself permission to feel it. [00:05:00] And when you're ready to take it, one next step, name what it is that you're feeling.
Sometimes it helps even just naming and saying out loud or writing down the words, I feel angry. I'm so confused. How could this happen? Why did this happen to us? There's no wrong answer in how you feel, number one, give yourself permission to feel.
Number two, you have permission to pause. Grief often spikes up around big days, holidays, birthdays, milestone events, and for many widows, this causes them to feel like they're going backwards or they're stuck. And the phrase I hear a lot from my clients is, I thought I was doing better. I thought I, I was starting to feel better.
And then this just hits me out of nowhere and I feel like I'm starting all over again. Like I've gone backward. And the reality is you can't go [00:06:00] backwards in your healing journey. It's not possible. But because those grief waves and those grief spikes come up, it causes us to feel like we're starting over or going backwards.
But knowing that's a normal part of the journey can help to validate what we're experiencing and to realize that.
When we experience these waves of grief and we're giving ourself permission to press pause. It's okay to lower the expectation that we have for ourselves to minimize our routine and to really just take care of ourselves. So maybe during those waves of grief, it's about getting out of bed, taking a shower, going for a five minute walk, eating a nutritious meal.
Any of those little things can be small wins along the journey.
All right. Number three, you have permission to step forward. [00:07:00] Stepping forward can feel really scary because it seems like we're having to let go of our person and leave them behind as we step forward and as we move forward. But one analogy that I heard that really resonated with me is that especially for those of us who are believers and believe that we'll see our person again one day, instead of thinking about it like we're stepping forward and are leaving our person behind, which by the way can't even really happen if we believe that we're gonna see them again in heaven, then every day that passes.
Is a day closer to the time we're gonna see them again to the time that we're going to get to be with them again. Also, like I mentioned, it isn't possible to leave your person behind in the past. You don't need to forget about them. You don't need to get over it. You don't need to stop thinking about [00:08:00] them like you'll always have an emotional relationship.
With that person, you'll always have those thoughts that come up like, oh, I wonder what they would've thought about this. Oh, I can envision them doing that. It's not like you just forget that they exist, but in grief, we can be afraid. Afraid to, that we have to let go and we have to move on when in reality we're moving forward with our person and the spirit of them until.
We are reunited in heaven. So giving yourself permission a step forward means that you're allowed to laugh. You're allowed to enjoy a moment. You're allowed to feel alive. You're allowed to still honor their memory. You also get to explore who you want to be now with them as part of your story. Not erase from it, but incorporate into your life.
[00:09:00] And I always like to say that you're exploring who you want to be now, not who am I? I don't know. I feel so lost. It makes us feel like we're on this great search for the lost version of us, when in reality we get to decide who we want to be. And that's one of the amazing journeys that I get to take my clients on.
All right. Number four, you have permission to be honest, and this is an area that widows often struggle with, which is I'm afraid to say the words out loud to God of what I feel, or sometimes I don't even know what I feel. I don't know what I think. I just feel stuck. So what I help widows do is instead of feeling like it has to be a very formal prayer process, and we have to follow all these rituals, and we have to, say the right words, is to have [00:10:00] a conversation, a real honest conversation with God.
That can be as simple as God, I know what you promise us. I know you don't promise us an easy life. I know you even say that we're gonna experience suffering. I really hate this. I'm really struggling right now. I would pray things like I need you to rescue my heart from despair. I feel this gap between us and I don't know how to cross it.
I don't know how to get there. I need you to pull me close to you. I have clients who have prayed things like, I wanna trust you. I wanna believe that you're a good God and that you love us, and you want the best for us. And I'm just confused. I don't know where to go from here. And so you have permission to pray those very honest prayers and have those real and honest conversations with God.
And you have permission to be honest with other people, it's okay to say, yeah, new Year's is hard for me. Oh, I'm not [00:11:00] gonna be able to make it to that event. I'm doing all right. It's just a hard day for me. Whatever it is and whatever context you have permission to be honest.
And number five, you have permission to be guided. You don't have to do this year alone. Community is actually part of God's provision.
And for me, what helped me get unstuck, what helped me from stop feeling lost is I went to get guidance from other people I talked with and interviewed hundreds, probably at this point, thousands of other widows. Now, I hired a coach. A life coach. I went through a grief recovery institute and became a licensed facilitator certified.
Through them, I read tons of books about grief and how people got on the other side of grief, and so I sought out wisdom and guidance [00:12:00] and direction from people who had been on that path because I didn't wanna feel lost anymore. And you don't have to feel lost either. So my question for you today is, which of these permission slips do you need to sign for yourself today?
What are you going to give yourself permission for this year? Go ahead. I want you to just pause if you can, if you're outta place where you can write it down. If you just wanna say it out loud. What is it that you need to give yourself permission to do this year? Today?
If you're a widow or widower and you're tired of walking in place and feeling stuck, I created a free new year permission slip worksheet just for you. Go to brave widow.com/ 1 8 2. It's the episode number 180 2, and you can download the worksheet, you can fill it out, and you can literally sign the permission slip for yourself that you're gonna live by this [00:13:00] year.
Again, that's brave widow.com/ 1 8 2
all right, for my loyal listeners and true fans, now I'm gonna share my normal life update with you and talk to you a little bit about what's going on in the world of Brave Widow and The Brave Widow Academy. It's been a while. This is actually. The first podcast that I have recorded in the new year, which is weird because we're halfway through January already, and so I don't feel behind, but I feel a little weird and behind because normally I am recording these things a little more in advance.
But yeah, it's been. Amazing and great and just with all of the growth busier than I thought. It was a weird but nice holiday season for me. I know a lot of people wanna know what our holidays were like, and so typically how the holidays go is that publicly, I try to not [00:14:00] be in the office. To take calls or do consults or work with clients the last couple weeks of the year.
But in actuality, here is why. And here's what happens. So we do the widow winter solstice on winter solstice each year, which is December 21st, by the way. By the way, if you did not join us for winter solstice or you have not watched the replay, I really wanna encourage you to do that. You can find it on YouTube Widow Winter Solstice 2025.
It is nearly three hours and length, but the insight from all the different widows in the panel, the interaction of people in the chat. Like I just always received so much amazing feedback on that event. In fact, someone asked us to consider doing a summer solstice event because they felt the winter solstice is just too good to do once a year that it needs to be done throughout the year.
[00:15:00] So yeah, hey, who knows? Maybe June 21st will be doing is our more solstice. But what ends up happening is we do tons of giveaways. I think we gave away 40. Prizes which was books, Amazon gift cards, just a variety of things that we drew throughout the solstice. And so December 22nd is always me reaching out to people, mailing out their prizes ordering their Amazon gift cards and their books.
And that usually takes several hours to go through and do that. And then, because we have two groups of the Brave Widow Academy. We did an all academy call together on December 22nd, and because I cannot help myself, I also did a special session with my group. Brave through the holidays and brave through the holidays was a 60 day like popup group [00:16:00] of about 15 or so people where I just walked them through several sessions of how to help make the holiday season lighter, gentler, and just.
Easier on the soul, and so that was great. So we also had that session. I had a couple of new clients that I met with, and so even though outside looking in, it seems like I'm off for two weeks of December. Actually. There's a lot of things that are happening right before Christmas and right before New Year's, but I did.
Work very diligently to take time off between Christmas and through January 2nd, and to spend time with family and to do some things around the house another thing that made the holiday season so nice is that I have really focused on simplifying things. So this year I didn't do Christmas cards.
And when we made the Christmas lunch meal, I made things that I was very comfortable with [00:17:00] making that were easy. I didn't really have to think about it, which for me is saying a lot, right? Because I really haven't cooked much except these last four and a half years.
I've cooked a ton, so I've made lots of different things now that I'm comfortable with that. Just a couple years ago, I would've been stressed out about, so this holiday season was all about simplify. Simplify. Even my kiddos, they're at the age now where they don't want a lot of gifts.
They want money or they want gift cards. And so in every way I would just ask people like, what do you want for Christmas? Just tell me. I'll just go get it for you. I just really try to keep it very simple and we had a nice holiday season, so that's been really great. I am still, as you can tell in my home office so that.
Everything looks a little weird. The lighting is a little weird and I have these big lights 'cause I have no overhead lights in this corner. So I have these big lights to the front and side, and then one in [00:18:00] the corner over there. And i'm hoping I'm not developing eye blindness on the sides of my eyes.
I don't think I am. I've got 'em turned down. But when I first started setting it up, I was like, wow, this is like intense, like being on stage with the lights just shining right in your face. So that's been an interesting journey. But I also wanna share with you about Brave Widow Academy because.
Listen, this, the Academy is taken off like a rocket ship, and it is I know I've said this before, but it is the best, most favorite container for helping widows I've ever created, and I want every single widow to be a part of Brave Widow Academy because it is life changing. I know that's like a big statement and people might find it unbelievable, which is why I can't say it too often because people just won't believe it.
But I'm telling you, I'm [00:19:00] telling you, in my academy group that started in August, that is running through, we extended it a month, so it's going through the end of March. People in that group get on the calls and they're like, this has changed my life. My life has changed. I am different. People are asking me what I'm doing different.
Even my group that started in November, so it's been just barely two months for them. I have a couple people in that group who have shared with me that other people around them are asking What's different about you? You come in here, you're smiling. Your whole demeanor has changed. And as one person told me, like I got them out of their funk, they're like, I just felt like I was in a really depressed funk and I was stuck and immediate was like, immediately I started to notice a difference with this program.
So I just, I can't tell you guys like [00:20:00] this. It is life changing and I know it's one of those you won't believe it until you see it type things. But I love it so much, which is why I feel compelled to talk about it a lot. And so we have a couple things that are happening if you are hanging out with me here in real time.
So I will give you an update on the scholarships 'cause I had talked about that in my prior episodes. So we did a major scholarship worth $5,000. They got a full ride to the academy and also one-on-one coaching. So I bundled that together and it was worth $5,000 is what typically I would sell that package for.
And I'm so happy to announce that it was awarded to Jane J. from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Which also is cool because I've been to Lancaster several times and. It's a beautiful part of the country, but I love so many things about Jane's story and where she's at and her [00:21:00] journey. And as I get permission from her, I have permission to share her name and location.
So you guys know she is a real widow. She is in the academy. If you want to meet her, come join the academy and we'll walk this journey with her. But there were so many things about her story that really. Spoke to my heart and really tugged at me because she's someone who very much feels stuck.
So I awarded one full scholarship for that, and also I offered 14 additional partial scholarships where people would get half off pricing for the academy. And I even extended the payment plan option. So in the past. Payment plans could go up to six months, now they can go up to a year. So I've really tried to make it as accessible as possible for people to be able to join.
And out of the 14, we've had a handful that were accepted. Some were, a couple were declined, [00:22:00] and then several people just haven't responded after multiple emails, which, it happens sometimes people change their mind, sometimes maybe they don't, aren't seeing the emails sometimes. They like I had someone who lost another person in their life, which is super hard.
And so the timing just isn't right. That happens, life happens and it's totally fine. That's why I ended up offering way more partial scholarships than I had planned because I knew that there would be a lot of people who just wouldn't take the partial scholarship or maybe wouldn't respond.
I know it's. A little baffling to me at times, but from past, even winter solstice events I've given away free coaching packages worth thousands of dollars. I've given away free memberships, I've given away free courses, and unfortunately, most of those go unclaimed. Which is really I hate because I feel it would be really helpful to people, but also I know people have to be ready.
They have to be ready [00:23:00] to step into that container and get that help if you are interested in joining the Academy, we are still accepting students. Our next cohort is starting on Thursday, January 22nd, and we will meet every Thursday from 12 to 2:00 PM Central Time. And we have seven people who have said yes.
And joined so far. And in our academy groups they range. One Academy group has 15, the other one has eight, and so far this one has seven. I expect a few more people to join. So these are not big groups. These are small, intimate, very personal groups where people share life together. So you're not gonna be in a sea of people who go unseen, who's invisible.
You will be noticed. Your presence will be noticed, your participation will be noticed, and your absence will be noticed. If [00:24:00] you're unable to join, people will be saying, Hey, we missed you. We want you here. And also with the academy. I hear you. A lot of people have been asking for evening options and evenings are really hard for me personally because I have, I work, I have many jobs.
I have great widow. Real estate that we're managing and monitoring. I have leadership coaching that I do as well, and I have three teenagers that still live at home who, a senior, a junior, and a sophomore. So if you can only imagine how busy our lives are and how precious that time in the evenings is to my family and I in this season of life yeah, that's just where I've been with the evenings, but.
I have great news.
I have four. Okay. Four of my clients who have been with me for six months to a year-ish, all the way up to three years. [00:25:00] Who ready to step up as coaches. Who are ready to be trained. Equipped to facilitate some of these sessions so that we can make them more accessible and available to people.
So over these next few months, I'm gonna be working very closely with four of my clients to certify them as brave widow coaches and facilitators of the academy. And as part of that we're gonna be, I'm gonna be co-hosting and training with them some academy sessions. So starting, we're aiming late March, early April, that we are gonna have our first edition of the evening of the academy, where we will meet on Thursday evenings from five to 7:00 PM Central time, or that's six to eight.
Eastern time and if you're someone who's been waiting for an evening time, then I really look forward to being able to host [00:26:00] you as part of that group. So that will start in March slash early April. And as we get this current cohort of the academy kicked off here in another week or so more information will be coming out about that and.
I always, so there's two things that I, that are important to me. That I honor for my clients. So listen up. Listen up. I always offer the best bonuses during early enrollment. So if you're someone who likes bonuses, and that could, it could change each time. So this round of the academy for my January group, the early enrollment bonus was three private, one-on-one coaching calls.
Which normally would be valued at a thousand dollars for three, one-on-one calls. That was an early enrollment bonus. So if you signed up early, you got those calls as part of that. And that bonus has gone away for the [00:27:00] January group. Now, doesn't mean there's not still a bonus to join, but that particular one and that much value, it's not the same as that much value for b.
Spring group, we'll call it in the evening. I will be offering the best early enrollment bonuses when that information comes out at the end of this month. So if you are thinking about joining an evening group of the academy and Thursday evenings work well, or you're someone who listens to replays a lot.
I have someone in, I have a couple people in our academy groups that are lifelong, diehard replay watchers, and that's totally fine. I'm a replay watcher in a couple of my groups as well. But for most people, you will get the most out of participating live and getting feedback live. So if you're thinking about joining.
That group in the spring, then you wanna be on my email list. Okay. And you could go to brave [00:28:00] widow.com/free there. You get free resources there. Put your email in, get on the email list. And that's where I'm gonna be communicating all of the early enrollment bonuses for the spring and. I'm not gonna spoil the surprise.
Okay. But my best bonuses are always offered during early enrollment. One time I've done three private one-on-one calls in a hoodie or sweatshirt. I've done one-on-one calls and bonus courses I've done. An extra month in the academy as a bonus, plus a one-on-one call. So I tend to offer some of the best bonuses upfront.
So I honor people who join early and I honor loyalty in Brave Widow Academy. So I was thinking about, my first Academy group, people who joined as founders, so they're kinda bonus people who joined early and also have been with me a long time, is that throughout the [00:29:00] year as I've hosted Grief recovery method, or we hosted this pop-up group called Brave through the Holidays, and that was something I sold for 2 97.
All of those things I've gifted. To my academy students because I want them to have the most access to all of the things at no additional cost. I mail out. I have mailed out merch to them, Bravewood Academy Merch. I mailed out physical gifts during Christmas, so I'm just saying I recognize and reward.
Early joiners and people who are loyal and who have been with me over a period of time. I am very generous not to brag on myself, but I love to be generous. I love to surprise and delight people. And when you decide to join the academy, just know that you're gonna be in a very warm, giving, amazing group of individuals.
[00:30:00] So if you are interested in learning more about the academy, go to brave widow.com/academy and if you're not sure if it's right for you, if you're not sure you're at the right point in life or this would be a good fit for you.
I always offer a free, no pressure consult call. It's not a big salesy thing. I don't pressure you to make a decision right away. I have a set. List of questions that I walk you through to understand where you are, your biggest challenges right now, and if the Academy is not the right place for you to start.
I will actually give you my recommendations on where I would start if I were you, and what I would focus on as my next steps so that you can leave clear and guided in what you wanna do. Thank you for hanging out with me. If you're still listening to this, you are a rockstar. You are amazing. And yeah, brave widow.com/academy [00:31:00] to learn more.
Our next group starts Thursday, January 22nd from 12 to 2:00 PM Central Time, and I would love for you to be person number eight, who joins the academy?
Emily: If you're tired of feeling lost, lonely, and second guessing every decision, my coaching program is meant for you. I help clients find clarity, create real connection, and build confidence up for good. Inside
the Brave Widow Academy
Emily: you'll learn real tools that you'll be able to use for a lifetime.
If you're ready for the next step, go to brave widow.com to book a consult. It's free. It's no pressure, and it can be your brave next step to healing your heart and building a life you love again. Go to brave widow.com today to book your consult.
