BW 173: Empowerment the Fourth Season of Grief
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[00:00:00] Welcome to episode number 173 of the Brave Widow Show. Today is part four in our four part series on the Rise framework, the Four Seasons of Grief. And if you haven't heard the prior three episodes, it's okay. You're not behind. We're just gonna be covering season four today.
And I just wanna do a quick recap of the first three seasons and then we'll dive into season four. But first. Guys, we have the next round of the Brave Widow Academy that is starting on November the 10th. And I have some special bonuses for people who pre-enroll early, and depending on when you hear this or see this, the bonuses might be a little bit different.
So to secure the best. Bonuses possible. Go to brave widow.com/academy and you can schedule a [00:01:00] consult call with me, or you can join the academy right there. We have a pay in full option, and then we also have a monthly payment option so you can choose the one that is best for you. In the Brave Widow Academy, our first round of students, they are now in month two, and they are sharing some.
Really amazing comments and feedback. And they're even teaching their family members things that they are learning about psychology, about neuroscience, about relationships and communication. Yes, those are some of the things that we learn in the academy. Above and beyond just how to navigate grief, although that's where we start.
We also then get to learn about how we rebuild our lives and how we have boundaries and how we develop intentional and meaningful [00:02:00] relationships and so much more. It's really amazing and I'm gonna read you some of the comments and feedback from some of the students in next week's episode.
So hang tight for that. But today we are gonna be covering season four of Grief and My Rise framework.
Welcome to The Brave Widow Show. I'm your host, Emily Tanner. The Brave Widow Academy is open for enrollment right now. If you're a widow, feeling stuck, lost or just ready to start living again, but don't know where to start, this is your next step. It's the only program that gives you a clear proven process to rebuild your identity, your confidence, and your life after loss.
To learn more or to enroll today, just head to bravewidow.com/academy. I'll see you on the inside.
So we had season number one, which [00:03:00] was rawness. That's when you're living in survival mode, season two. Isolation. And that's really where you're living in maintenance mode. Season three of self-discovery, where you are living in exploration mode.
And then now we are at season four, which is called empowerment. And this is a season that you have been working for. And notice I said working for and not waiting for. Because if you're just waiting, you will not reach this season, and it sounds harsh, and it might sound cold, and it's true.
Waiting does not bring you to season four. Waiting does not bring you to empowerment because empowerment is about action. It is about taking a step forward in faith and belief and being proactive. And now what we experience [00:04:00] in season four is we're very clear about who we are now, what we want for the future.
And we are going to get it. We are walking forward with purpose to create the future that we want for ourselves, which in the earlier seasons in season one and two. We didn't even know if season four was gonna be possible. We didn't know whether or not we even wanted a future because what we wanted was the past.
But now through seasons two and three and leading into four, we start to see glimmers of hope. We start to experience moments of joy and adventure and excitement. And again, these things cannot happen if you are waiting. If you're just sitting on your couch letting life float by you, and you are just waiting to magically feel better, it's not gonna happen.
The only way that it happens is with [00:05:00] time plus consistency. We have to be consistent with taking action, with taking these steps forward in blind faith, that something beautiful and abundant and amazing is possible for us in our future. So when we are on, in the fourth season of grief, when we are in a season of empowerment, often they're, this is when widows and widowers are really starting to question like, what is my purpose?
Now, this is really as they're coming, they're in season three. They're like heading into season four. We're really doing a lot of work around purpose and meaning and what does life look like now, while several of my clients have younger children, many of my clients are in the process of empty nesting.
Like they, they have teenagers or young adults, or maybe both, or they've recently empty nested, or they're currently empty nesters. [00:06:00] And so they feel very much this. Despair almost of my person is gone and they were my purpose. My children are leaving or are gone, and they were my purpose. So now nobody needs me.
Now it, it doesn't matter. I could be here. I could not be here. It doesn't matter it in this season of widowhood and as we're coming up to this season, one of the main things that we focus on is discovering your purpose. And you know, I have a brave widow system for this, and it is called the Discover Your Purpose Plan
So today I'm gonna walk you through what we focus on when we are working through the Discover Your Purpose Plan. And don't worry, you don't have to wait until you're in Season four of grief to start thinking about your purpose and start working on that. But this is a really great point in your journey of learning and your journey of widow hood because [00:07:00] we covered chaos to calm.
Which helps you escape survival mode. We covered the self-trust system, which help, which helps you to rebuild confidence. Last week we covered the connection protocol, which allows you to rebuild your social circle and to have meaningful connection with other people. And so now we're focused on the discover your purpose plan, which is.
I'm exploring these new things that I'm doing. I'm creating a future for myself, and now how do I pull out of that? A sense of purpose and meaning.
So today I also have a worksheet for you that you could actually fill out along with me as I go through the podcast. And this is gonna give you like the tiniest taste of what it's like in the academy. Because in the academy we do deeper dives, but also every week people get worksheets and we have moment activities and reflections where.
People actually take the time to journal out, like [00:08:00] what their thoughts or beliefs are about something, what one action is they're going to take, how they're thinking differently about a topic now. And so well, I'm not gonna be giving you 10 worksheets that normally may come with each week's session for us to work through.
You're gonna have a couple of worksheets that will just help you with this one podcast episode and to help you get started. So the first thing that we wanna do. As we are looking at purpose and thinking about purpose and meaning is really to redefine how we have thought about purpose. So often people think about purpose as like this big B purpose and this the one thing they were created for.
The one thing that they were born to do with their life. But your purpose is more than just a past role that you have had or a single calling. Your purpose will [00:09:00] unfold as you serve real people with the gifts that you have. So as we think about, I think a lot about my empty nesters right now because we have lots of people transitioning or who are recent empty nesters and they're really struggling because they've lost their person and now this feels like just an additional loss of their children moving out and starting their own lives.
And so often throughout the past few years. My clients have thought about their purpose as their role. I'm a wife, I'm a mother, I'm a caretaker. I'm a fill in the blank with whatever that is about their identity. And I know for me for many years, I found a lot of my own purpose and identity in my work and career over the years.
And so I didn't. Realized for a long time how much of my identity was tied up in my work and what I do. But that also is a [00:10:00] common thing that people realize is that their work, their role, their responsibilities has really become their own identity. In fact, I had someone recently ask me. Like being a widow and being someone who's, whose launch brave widow.
Like how do you not let that become your own identity? And so I shared with them my thoughts behind that. But the point is that it would be really easy. To let our roles a calling, our job title, whatever that is, it would be easy for that one thing to become our purpose and identity. But really purpose, meaning identity.
It's much more vast than one single thing. And think about this. If your spouse is your purpose, as we all know, you can lose your spouse if your [00:11:00] child is your purpose. You could lose your child. If your job is your purpose, you could lose your job. There are so many things that if your purpose is hung on one person, one job, one thing, then that feels like it evaporates when that thing is lost.
And so what we wanna really take some time to do is redefine and reframe. What our beliefs are about purpose, like what we have thought in the past about what gives us a sense of purpose and how that might look differently going forward. Instead of thinking about all that you have lost and how that has created a lost sense of purpose for you, we don't just wanna stop there.
We wanna take the next step forward, which is, okay, what do I still have to give? What is still inside of me that I can give [00:12:00] to others, that I can then find meaning and purpose in helping others and supporting others and teaching or whatever that looks like for you.
So one of the ways that we do this, and you'll also find this in your worksheet, is to inventory your gifts and your talents. Thinking about and creating a list of things that naturally, that came naturally to you, even as a kid. What are things that people just normally ask you for help with? What also lights you up?
When I was working in healthcare, I lived and breathed spreadsheets. I was in and outta spreadsheets all the time. Had multiple ones on all of my monitors, like even now, my Christmas list, everything resides in a spreadsheet. Or a Google sheet, like I just love spreadsheets. I just love them.
I love building websites and marketing and all of this [00:13:00] online crazy business stuff that I've learned over time. I'm a nerd and I love to geek out about it, talk about it, mess around with it, and it's something that I've been able to pick up pretty quickly and that I have a natural. Talent and knack for, and so sometimes I forget that it comes really easily to me and that it's a talent I have and that for other people it's not the same.
So when I work with other coaches, or even when I work with some of my clients who they're trying to work with spreadsheets or even just navigate the technology and Brave Widow, I forget sometimes that can be really overwhelming for people. But knowing that I have that gift and that talent that allows me then.
To be able to recognize that may be one way that I can serve other people. My clients will tell you they've learned how to navigate Zoom. They've learned how to [00:14:00] navigate spreadsheets. They've learned how to navigate messaging apps and logging into the portal and all of those things. And hey, beyond the Academy and beyond Grief and Life, they're also learning technology, which is amazing.
But I enjoy those things. There are things that may feel to you that they're very easy, that you're good at, that isn't everybody just good at this? That, no, they're not. You are good at them. You may know about them, but for other people it doesn't come as easy. So that could be a good way to identify your gifts and your talents.
Maybe you're good at organizing, maybe you're good at car maintenance. Maybe you're good at list making, or event planning, or sewing, or any of those things. If you're naturally good at something or you've spent a lot of time learning it, maybe even mastering it, or [00:15:00] people come to you a lot like with questions, with wanting help, with asking for insight.
All of those are good indicators that they, that may be a gift and a talent for you.
All right. The next thing that we wanna do in the Discover Your Purpose plan is we wanna identify some of the strengths that Widowhood has revealed. Romans five, three, says, we also boast in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance. Endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who is given to us.
And the reason I wanna share that with you is because even though you have gone through one of the worst, most stressful, traumatic things a human can experience of losing their other [00:16:00] half, you also have developed Because of that, you have developed grief, forged strengths. What. Whether or not you wanted to, you have strengths now that were forged from this whole experience and that you may even still be forging things like resilience, adaptability, boundaries, leadership.
In fact, I got the name Brave Widow because I asked a whole bunch of widows like, what's something positive that you've seen from becoming a widow? Like we always focus on the negative and I focus on what was lost to us. But how have you grown? How have you changed? How have you developed these characteristics?
What is it that stood out to you? And people listed a lot of things. But when I saw the word brave, I was like, Ugh. That's so true. There are so [00:17:00] many things, whether we wanted to feel brave or not, we stepped forward and we accomplished new things and we learned and we adapted, and we pivoted and we are become super resilient and we have grown and expanded and all of these things that never would've happened if we had not gone through this experience.
Our goal is to identify some strengths that you have developed since your loss, and this is really for people in season three-ish to four. So if you're, again, in that earlier season of grief, season one or two, then know that this time is coming for you, but don't feel pressured that you have to have identified that just yet.
If you're just surviving, you don't feel strong, you don't feel resilient. You feel like you're being steamrolled and pummeled, and that makes you normal. It's okay. You can get to season four where you start to, [00:18:00] for me, when I first became a widowed, it felt like a label that I wanted to get away from. I didn't wanna be called a widow.
I didn't resonate with that. Didn't mean anything to me except something to pity. But as I've learned and grown and as I have seen other widows and how they've gone through the worst of the worst, and oh my goodness, so generous. They are so nonjudgmental. They are so helpful. They. It doesn't matter if someone's only been widowed three months, they like turn around and reach out their hand to the person who was widowed yesterday, like amazing, that community of people.
And so what used to feel like a label that I hated became a badge of honor. Became my scar that I was proud to share with the world. I am a brave widow. I have overcome so much, and I'm [00:19:00] resilient and I can withstand anything now. And one of my clients I was just talking to this week was sharing about how.
There is a big, messy process that they are trying to navigate and it's confusing and it's overwhelming. And she's I have no idea how this is gonna work out. And I was like, yeah, but look at you. You're also at peace with it. You're not stressing out, you're not having anxiety attacks like you're saying this so calmly because you've gone through so many storms leading up to this that you know, subconsciously.
I don't know how any of this is gonna work out, but what I do know is I can figure it out and I can take it day by day, step by step. And so that is a strength that she's received through Widow Hood. And you have earned some strengths as well. All right. We've reframed purpose. We have our gifts and our talent inventory.
We've revealed our strengths and identified what those [00:20:00] are. And. Now we want to plant seeds in ways of service to other people. Okay? Talents are like seeds of purpose, and you can plant them in tiny little micro acts that might help someone specific, even this next week, even this next month. An example of this is my coach, Dr. Betsy. Earlier this year or maybe even last year, she was wanting some help with her copywriting and her emails that go out to her audience, and I was happy to give back to her for all that she has done to help me and. Just help write up some emails for her that sounded like her, that might resonate with her audience.
And I just really enjoyed being able to do that. That lit me up on the inside. I felt [00:21:00] really good and purposeful that I was able to do this, not only to help her, but also to help other widows or. Other people who wanted to learn about life coaching that would go through her program, like it just felt like a really big way to give back and create a win-win situation and scenario for everyone.
And so you may not be a copywriter or someone who likes to do websites or spreadsheets that may make you want to throw up but those talents, those gifts, those strengths, as you're looking at what those are, then you can keep your eyes open for opportunities where you may be able to insert that strength or insert that talent and to give back to other people giving back.
Serving, leading, nurturing, whatever that looks like for you is a great way to feel that fire inside of your heart and your [00:22:00] soul, and to let you feel that you have made a difference for someone else, and that can help us create a sense of meaning and purpose.
Some other ways that we can identify meaning and purpose are some assessments like the Myers-Brigg Personality Test. You can find that [email protected]. There's the Clifton strengths finder. There is the Enneagram. Quiz for work. There's the DISC assessment and wealth dynamics or wealth builders.
The goal isn't to label yourself or to put you in a box. The goal is just to learn a little bit more about yourself, about things that may come naturally to you and. Areas that aren't your strengths. So maybe you don't necessarily need to worry about trying to build up a weakness when you wanna double down on building up a [00:23:00] strength or a gift or a talent.
You might not even know that you had. One of my clients that I worked with during our time of working together, she realized she had a talent for singing. She like never realized that before. And she realized she had a talent for singing and that is part of her like ministry, and that is part of what she does to emotionally connect with other people.
And it's amazing and so beautiful. And so you may not even know what talent, gift, or strength that you have, but by filling out this worksheet, by doing this assessment, it will give you one step closer into figuring out what that is.
Now another note about finding purpose and meaning in life. Instead of searching for your big P purpose, which is like the one thing, I'm gonna encourage you to look for little p purpose. Which is [00:24:00] more about how you show up in life every single day. And as they say in the coaching world, how you do one thing is how you do everything.
So if you're someone who works with excellence and than you will do many things with excellence. If you're someone who cuts corners and halfway does things and doesn't really try or doesn't follow through in one area of your life, most likely you're going to do those same bad habits and other areas of your life.
So here we get to start very simply with. Choosing even if you start with just thinking about living a life that's intentional and being a person of intention, then it can start with things that are very small, like the way you make your coffee, your morning routine, the way that you reach out [00:25:00] and connect with other people to build relationships the way that you.
Do your laundry and put it away, or dust surfaces in your house. Like all of these small acts are ways that you can decide how are you going to do those things? Are you going to do them intentionally? Are you going to do them with excellence? Are you just gonna blow through them and like partially do them.
Are you gonna procrastinate and avoid all of them? What is the way you wanna do these small acts? What is the way also that you'll handle many things in your life and the type of person that you wanna become?
And the last question that I have for you is, what have I still been given to share?
What do I have to share? What have I been given that I can share with other people? How can I serve other people? And it may [00:26:00] help to pray even if you wanted to do like a 30 day challenge, is just pray every day and ask that God opens your eyes to opportunities. You have to serve, to give, to share, to make an impact, to make a difference, to use what you've been given, even if that's your own story.
To take that story that felt very tragic and to turn it into something that can inspire other people in your own way, however you wanna share it, even if it's your own story. What have you been given that you can share with other people to make a positive impact? All right. To download the worksheet, you're gonna go to brave widow.com/ 1 7 3.
You could download the worksheet, write down your observations, your discoveries, your next steps, and I would love to hear from you what you've [00:27:00] uncovered, how you're thinking now about purpose and meaning, and what may be possible for you in this season. Four of grief with empowerment. All right, and lastly, just one reminder. Brave Widow Academy is coming very soon. I would love to get you in this round to get you plugged in with a community of amazing others who have pre-enrolled. To schedule your consult call or to learn more, just go to brave widow.com. All right, till next time, I'll see you then.
If you're tired of feeling lost, lonely, and second guessing every decision, my coaching program is meant for you. I help clients find clarity, create real connection, and build confidence up for good. Inside the Brave Widow Coaching Program, you'll learn real tools that you'll be able to use for a lifetime.
If you're ready for the next step, go to brave [00:28:00] widow.com to book a consult. It's free. It's no pressure, and it can be your brave next step to healing your heart and building a life you love again. Go to brave widow.com today to book your consult.
