BW 045: Journeying Forward: Embracing New Paths When Grieving the Loss of Your Future - with Codi Loughrin

Watch the video here or on YouTube; listen anywhere podcasts are played (Apple, Spotify, Google…)

The Transcript is below.

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

From the board room to a hospital room, Codi's life changed quickly when faced with a life changing diagnosis of a chronic nervous system disorder. This mama of five, foster mom, healthcare executive and community advocate knew life may look different but her faith must remain anchored. Grief was no stranger, losing her brother at a young age, Codi knew the importance of finding the goodness of God even in the hardest moments. Despite her trials, Codi works daily to help others remember how loved they are, and no one will walk alone.

 

Find Codi on:

Instagram | @anchored_wildflower or @thefaithfulfoster

Facebook | Anchored Wildflower or The Faithful Foster

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

 

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

 

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

Twitter | @brave_widow

Instagram | @brave_widow

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/bravewidow

YouTube | @bravewidow

____________________________________________________________________________________

Transcription:

hey. Welcome to episode number 45 of The Brave Widow Show. Today I have a special guest. I have a prior colleague and personal friend of mine, Codi Loughrin, that's gonna be joining us on a show today. Now, Codi not a widow. She's not lost a spouse. However, she's experienced some personal physical health challenges that have left her grieving her own future, that have left her feeling as though she has lost hopes and dreams and plans for the future, and have really forced her to accept a new normal, develop a new reality, and figure out a way that she can dream again for her future. Having to accept that new reality. And in just sharing life experiences with Codi. I told her she needed to come on the show and just talk about what it's like to have to grieve for what you thought would be in the future and what she, [00:01:00] what advice she would give to people who are trying to develop their new normal and hopefully some new future plans.  

So let me introduce Codi. From the boardroom to a hospital room. Codi life changed quickly when faced with a life-changing diagnosis of a chronic nervous system disorder. This mama of five, foster mom, healthcare executive, and community advocate. New life may look different, but her faith must remain anchored. Grief was no stranger to her. Having lost her brother at a young age, she knew the importance of finding the goodness of God even in the hardest moments despite her trials Codi works daily to help others remember how loved they are and that no one will lock walk alone. Let's dive in. 

Emily Jones: Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of The Brave Widow Show, and today I have a very special guest for you. I have Miss Codi Loughrin, and she is, Gonna talk with me about some [00:02:00] insights and some of her experiences in grieving the loss of her future. And one of the unique things about Codi is we have worked together historically for several years. 

Emily Jones: The first time I met her, I knew that she was a special person and would be someone special in my life, and that's definitely come to fruition. You can see we're both if you're watching this on video, a rocking the curly hair. So we're twinning in that regard typically. And anyway. Codi is not a widow, she's not been widowed. 

Emily Jones: However, in her own personal life and experience, she's had some circumstances that have caused her to grieve the loss of her future and grieve the loss of dreams and plans and goals and things that she had envisioned. And of course being a friend, we share our struggles together and we just found so much overlap. 

Emily Jones: [00:03:00] In what it looks like to grieve the loss of the future that I felt like she would be an excellent guest for the show. So Codi , welcome. Thank you so much for agreeing to be on the podcast with me.  

Codi Loughrin: Thanks Emily. Yeah. So  

Emily Jones: I'm sure everyone would love to know a little bit about you, your background, your family and some of the things that you do, if you don't mind to  

Codi Loughrin: share that. 

Codi Loughrin: Sure. So I am a mama of five. I have some adult children and some kiddos still at home. I am a former healthcare executive. That was our previous world together. We met, I have I live in the. State of Wisconsin and just in my journey throughout life I have recently Faced some harder times and kind of had my world flipped upside down, and had to change the whole trajectory of kind of plans and hopes and things that I had really fought through life to get to. 

Codi Loughrin: So [00:04:00] it's been a journey the last few years and that's why I'm kind of excited to join you today and, share some of my heart and some of the hardest times, but some of the most faithful times also.  

Emily Jones: Yeah that's awesome. And it's just, it's been such a blessing to be able to share some of my struggles and help, share in some of yours as well and just walk this journey together. 

Emily Jones: And I think a lot of times that's one of the greatest values of life is having. A person or a friend, or a spouse, a partner, just someone who can help walk through some of those toughest journeys and share in the wins as well. So, if you don't mind, if you would share just, part of your story and how that really has changed what you envisioned personally for your future. 

Codi Loughrin: Right. So, yeah I agree with you. Back when you lost Nathan, I really had committed to that friendship and making sure you didn't have [00:05:00] to walk that alone and never did. I imagine that, I would need that from you just a year or so later. And What happened with me is I traveled a lot for work. 

Codi Loughrin: I was often going to different facilities and things and meanwhile I was still being a mom at home. So, spent a lot of long hours, little bits of sleep, and I started not feeling well. And I got sick with C O V I D. In the end of 2021 and just thought it was kind of lingering and just hadn't been feeling well, was having some heart palpitations and things and suddenly just different symptoms were happening and we just kind of attributed it to stress and being on the road. And as things progressed, I went through further evaluations and was diagnosed with a pretty life-changing nervous system disorder. That ultimately led I. To me, having to leave my role, fast forward to using mobility aids and really just changing life [00:06:00] completely upside down, and not being able to work at all. 

Codi Loughrin: Which, I'm, I was a single income household. I had to face figuring out long-term disability what that looked like if I'd be able to work. How that looked. Multiple specialists. I live in a very rural area. So I was just faced with so many decisions. Meanwhile trying to still raise children stay positive, with all of the burdens of this and face the fact that there were dreams that I had worked very hard to get to where I was in my career. And all of a sudden that was tripped away, really overnight. I. So it, it was just kind of shocking, paralyzing to say the least. And there was just moments that I didn't even feel like I was, I kind of felt like I was living in a nightmare. 

Codi Loughrin: And then, just. At times there was just different [00:07:00] periods of anger and frustration and then, grief ultimately. And the more I learned about it, I realized that there was gonna be a long journey ahead of grief.  

Emily Jones: Yeah. And I. I remember as you were going through some of those initial doctor visits and discussions, it was a big mystery. 

Emily Jones: Really. What was causing this? What you know, is this gonna be something you struggle with the rest of your life? Is it gonna be something that's curable? Is it, you know what? What are you really looking at? And just the waiting and not knowing, and I mean, you. Applied to see doctors at so many different places. 

Emily Jones: And, it was just mind blowing to me, like, why can I not figure out what's happening? And, that has to be, I, I remember there was a time that you said to me something along the lines of, I have to acknowledge that I'm never going to get better. I'm gonna have good days, I'm gonna have bad days, but there [00:08:00] is no getting better. 

Emily Jones: And it was like, the weight of that just really weighed heavily on my heart because I thought it's such a tricky thing. Like even when Nathan had covid, there would be days where, oh, he is getting better. He is getting better, he is getting better. And now he is five steps worse than he was before. And just knowing that. 

Emily Jones: In some capacity, that's how you're having to live in your future version of you when you're used to being the mom that did everything and the  

Codi Loughrin: leader that did. Oh yeah. I was the, I was the cookie baking mom. I was the vol, I was the children's ministry volunteer. And so part of the disorder is not being able to stand for long periods of time. 

Codi Loughrin: Right. So, I came to a place that I couldn't even do my dishes. I, couldn't clean my own home. And I think, early on and you talked about that there was so much re rejection from different facilities. Like you said, we saw all over the country [00:09:00] for, help. And it was just this desperation, right? 

Codi Loughrin: This desperation to get better or to find the care. Until finally it came to a place where I had to hear it multiple times. I think from different, that I had to have accepted that this was now my new normal and this was now what I had to accept. And there were elements of. Deep hurt. There were elements of pride. 

Codi Loughrin: We joked and we sent lots of funny memes back and forth about my new walker. We joked about, blinging it up and having fun. But, just being able to go to the grocery store and things like that. And I think when anyone's facing a chronic illness or, a terminal diagnosis or something that is that new normal, it's. 

Codi Loughrin: The acceptance is you're realizing like life just changed and what is that gonna look like? And at that point, what dreams are gonna have to change. And I think [00:10:00] there's a time that you realize like, I can't do things. And then you're kind of stuck. And then it's the change from that into what can you do. 

Emily Jones: Yeah, the new normal. That's definitely something that we hear and talk about a lot I think in both of our arenas of where we've gone through is. On one hand, knowing logically, like, okay, yes, this is my new future. And on the other hand, still wrestling with like, how is this possible? This just feels like a bad dream, surely I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and it's gonna be normal. Like it's just difficult struggling with not even just the acceptance of it, but just. Realizing and being able to take some of those steps forward for what the future may hold and, Well,  

Codi Loughrin: and I'm an Enneagram too. If anybody knows Enneagrams, I'm the helper. 

Codi Loughrin: I am always there. I'm the person showing up with [00:11:00] meals and things. So asking for help, at that time was. So hard for me. So I wasn't ready to accept the new normal because that new normal meant I had to ask for help. And I wasn't ready for that yet. And so that was tough for me. And that's where it was a hard season for sure. 

Emily Jones: And then you had things like not wanting to use your new walker, not wanting to have to rely on those things because of the looks you might get or what people would say. 'cause physically you look fine, on the outside and people don't understand the energy and what it takes to actually just perform normal functions or that your heart rate may spike just out of nowhere. 

Emily Jones: So I think it's even just accepting the new normal and then living out like what that has to look like. Now. That's, I know that's something that has been a challenge too. 

Emily Jones: So as you've thought about how in the world [00:12:00] now, okay, you've. Accepted this new normal. Like the, okay, this is the way my life has to be now. I think you accepted it before I did, because I just kept thinking like, no, they're gonna find, they're gonna find a way and you're gonna, because you have to receive a lot of treatments, and to me, you're receiving all these treatments. 

Emily Jones: It should. Help, like make you just be able to live a normal life. So I think you definitely probably accepted it way before I did, but how then do you start to say, I'm sad and I'm grieving what I had hoped for the future. Now, okay, that's the way it has to be. How can you start becoming hopeful about the future again or coming up with new dreams and plans and goals? 

Codi Loughrin: So I think the first thing I had to do was actually acknowledge I was grieving. I think, initially I was kind of so busy just going through the motions of trying to maintain my normal life that I didn't, I. I didn't pause long enough to feel, the emotions behind it. I was so focused on [00:13:00] maintaining all the things that I was just wearing myself out until I finally gave myself the time. 

Codi Loughrin: And I actually sought professional support through a Christian counselor in the area and really kind of worked through it. And the best advice that she gave me was, you need to feel the feels right. You need to. Feel that, and you need to feel the frustration and the anger and journal it. 

Codi Loughrin: Right? So there were a lot of days that that I really prayed a lot of prayers and journaled it out. And then, as I started acknowledging I really accepted it and realized that this was it and, started thinking about, okay. So I may not be able to do this, but what can I do? I was angry for a little while but maybe this is the new normal, and so what can I do with the time? 

Codi Loughrin: Maybe, maybe I do have to spend a couple hours a week in an infusion chair, but while I'm in that infusion chair, how can God use me? And that time maybe my time traveling, [00:14:00] everything's a few hours for me away. So can I call a friend on the way to my treatments and support friends that way? 

Codi Loughrin: Can I, care for my children differently? How can we still love and show those things? And what does it look like differently? Yeah.  

Emily Jones: Yeah. I think that's That's a really good point to think about what has God given you? What talents do you have? What. What about your story? Can you share with other people or what you can do to give back? 

Emily Jones: I know especially for widows, there's a whole question of who am I now? Like, I feel like a different person. I have this new identity. I don't even know if I like doing what I did before. Whereas you may have had to look at it to say, can I even do that, as what I did before. And to an extent, especially early in grief. 

Emily Jones: For widows that's very similar of, do I have the mental energy and the bandwidth and the desire to still do those things. Do I even like doing them? And for me personally, a lot of that did [00:15:00] change. And there were things that Nathan tried to get me to do or enjoy that I didn't. Now I do. So you know, That's unfortunate,  

Codi Loughrin: but you know, it did. 

Codi Loughrin: I think you and I have talked about this before, it changes your whole perspective on life, right? Like I, I think we go through our day to day and you never realize how wonderful it is to walk, right? And recently I've began water. Therapy, and we've talked about that a few times and I've been able to, visit you and float in the pool. 

Codi Loughrin: And we joke that I'm really a mermaid because my favorite place to be is the water because my blood volumes and things stay stable in the water. So, I I enjoy that and I'm able to feel normal right in the water. And so, prior to that, I had some deep trauma in grief around the water from some childhood trauma, and it was the darkest place for me. 

Codi Loughrin: And so I never imagined that the Lord [00:16:00] would use water. To heal me. And that was something that I really believe he intended. A place that was not a great place for me growing up. Now is my safe place and a place of refuge for me. So I've really seen the hand of God through a lot of this and really tried to listen and hear, in the little things along the way and. 

Codi Loughrin: Every day has not been perfect. I think, anyone who thinks grief is, I'm not gonna sit here and say rainbows and butterflies, right? We have bad days, and I think it's important for everyone to know, like, it's okay to have those bad days. I think, if you don't have those bad days, then you're. 

Codi Loughrin: Probably need to talk to somebody, right? Like we have to feel those, feels like my counselor said. In fact, that was part of my problem early on, is I was super positive and over the top and I wasn't taking time to acknowledge like, yuck, this is hard. So, just [00:17:00] really taking moments to find where God is working, what you can do with those talents, and find that hope and those. 

Codi Loughrin: Celebrating the little victories. I would say those little moments.  

Emily Jones: Yes, definitely. I mean, how many times would we exchange texts like, oh, today is just buried under the blankets day. Like, yes,  

Codi Loughrin: we build blanket ports often.  

Emily Jones: Yeah. Like, I just can't say or for this moment, but what would you say, for someone who's stayed very strong in their faith, Throughout all these challenges to someone else who maybe is struggling with like, how did God let this happen? 

Emily Jones: Or He did this to me, or, I'm so angry that, how can God love us and all these bad things happen? What's your initial thoughts or reactions when you might hear that from people?  

Codi Loughrin: So, I think that's a very normal reaction, right? I think that the first place you hear that often that, people turn away or they become angry and, we do live in a broken world and I believe [00:18:00] that, until we meet Jesus, that nothing is perfect, right? 

Codi Loughrin: And I do believe God allows, I think you and I have talked about it, and I think We talk about, those things that people say to us that drive us crazy. And, although I'm not a widow, those same things get said to me very often. Like, at least you have this, or at least this didn't happen and those plateaus you or those and I just wanna make sure that like people understand like, that's tough. 

Codi Loughrin: Right. And I think the worst thing that I ever hear is, God gives the hardest battles to the strongest soldiers. And we, you and I have talked about that before and I think that, while I appreciate that, I think that our faith Our faith is tested. And I think that One of my favorite verses in the Bible talks about perseverance, and it talks about that perseverance produces character and in that character produces hope. 

Codi Loughrin: And I [00:19:00] think that through this I've had to persevere. I haven't had an option, right? I've had to show up every day. I have small children at home. Yes, I could build a blanket for it, but I had to come out and make sure kiddos were fed. And it's produced character in me. It's produced strength in me that no leadership conference could have produced, no classes could have produced. 

Codi Loughrin: It was character that was true integrity. It was a heart that only the Lord could give me. Then with that, it was a hope that was only from him. It was a love that he could only give me. It wasn't a love that a spouse could give, a friend, could give, anyone else could give. It was a comfort and peace that passes all understanding. 

Codi Loughrin: Right. And I know you and I had kind of talked about that a little bit, like when Nathan passed, there's a different kind of peace that you receive from the Lord than you do from others. And I think that was really, My hope was just that [00:20:00] perseverance and that journey, watching how and just taking in the little God moments, I guess. 

Codi Loughrin: Seeing him in the details, little. For example, I'm a huge lover of wildflowers and being so defeated, at one more doctor appointment and crying my entire way to the doctor's appointment. And just not even wanting to go and cancel because it's another new specialist to the list and then showing up. 

Codi Loughrin: Having the kindest providers and the walls were covered in inspirational sayings and wild flowers, and having a nurse give me flowers before I left. It was like, sometimes I think he just reaches down and gives me a hug and reminds me like, okay, I'm still here. I walk in with you. So I think, feeling that, being in tune with that, being daily in the word to allow him to speak and show up, and just like listening for that and really clinging to that. 

Codi Loughrin: It's okay to be frustrated and it's okay to be angry, but [00:21:00] understanding that it's not a punishment. We are living in a broken world and we are living on earth right now.  

Emily Jones: Yeah. Ugh. Those are like really good points that you mentioned. And, just for people that are listening I pulled up the verse that I think you're referencing and I'll just read it real quick. 

Emily Jones: It's James, one two through four, which says consider it pure joy. My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance, finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

Emily Jones: I think there's another verse too that talks about that. And, it's hard to think about rejoicing when you're going through trials and some of the most heartbreaking things. And I just remember. Even the day that I lost Nathan, I just turned on music and I just told God, like, I don't understand this. 

Emily Jones: I hate this. I don't, this doesn't make sense to me, but I know that you don't leave [00:22:00] us. And I know that during our toughest times that we should look to you and know that in some way this is ultimately gonna make us a more refined person and a stronger person. And. Any of the biggest challenges, even at work. 

Emily Jones: There's so many times that at home or at work or with a situation, I'd be frustrated and wanna quit or walk away. And it's like right when you feel like you're at your breaking point and you can't take anyone more thing, you just push a little bit further and all of this relief comes and it's like you've expanded. 

Emily Jones: Almost into a, another level of a human being and your capabilities. So,  

Codi Loughrin: I think just clinging to the fact that even if Right, even if it's not what you want he is still good and he is still God. And I think for me, that was just what I, even if this lab doesn't come back as I wanted to, you and I talked about that in the days leading up to Nathan passing, [00:23:00] It was the hardest days. 

Codi Loughrin: Right. And, we talked about, is he gonna meet Jesus? Is that it? Right. And even if we're not spared, like we know God's plan and he's gonna go home. And I think, that's hard for us to comprehend, but we can only think in our human understanding. And I think that's something that I've had to accept that. 

Codi Loughrin: I can only comprehend in my fleshly mind, I can't comprehend what he's doing and I may never see what he's doing. And that's something that I've accepted and understood and just having to trust his sovereignty, and how big of a God he is and understand that he's so much bigger than I can see. 

Codi Loughrin: And, trusting along the way in my life. Times that I never thought I would get through other things and he's shown up. So, I just, I've just clung to that and really knowing that he is still good and he is still God. Yeah.  

Emily Jones: And that does require a lot of faith at times. It does. It does. 

Emily Jones: Yeah. I've, sometimes, [00:24:00] People of faith will just say, they're, they just continue to struggle. And I'm like, I just, what other choice do you have? I have to believe that. Or it just feels that this is all for nothing. Like, it just, I have to turn to the Bible because I can't do it on my own. 

Emily Jones: But, so talking about looking for purpose and meaning and, you've gone through a lot. Obviously personally you also during this time had decided to foster a child.  

Codi Loughrin: Well that was, I didn't sign up for that.  

Emily Jones: Well, you fostered a child.  

Codi Loughrin: Yes, I did foster a child. So right prior to the beginning of all of this I had, I. 

Codi Loughrin: Someone that I had mentored previous in my life came into a situation and I got a call from a social worker. And I was asked to foster a newborn, pretty young baby. And so long story short, I ended up fostering a child. So, in the middle of all this, I also was fostering a beautiful young baby that [00:25:00] ended up. 

Codi Loughrin: Being with us almost two years. So she, yeah, that was in the middle of all this. I ended up learning the world of foster care too, which is a whole nother type of surrender.  

Emily Jones: It is. And. You know when you already felt, I'm sure at times, overwhelmed and frustrated and like you're trying to figure out this future, you also have this added uncertainty of fostering a child and, how long are they gonna be there? 

Emily Jones: Will they go back home? You know what, what's gonna happen? But, How, maybe whether it's through, your physical challenges or through foster care have maybe you found a sense of purpose or meaning or way of, giving back while you've overcome some of those challenges or even as you go through them. 

Codi Loughrin: So one of the things that I found as I you and I kind of collaborated and I just engaged more with [00:26:00] the chronic illness community and just working with friends that were going through different stages of grief through their life, just different life altering events, is I found that a lot of. 

Codi Loughrin: People kind of place their identity in their circumstance. So, for chronic illness, a lot of people you do lose your identity or your identity changes a lot, when your life changes. And you've talked about that previously on some of your other podcasts, how, a lot of your identity is in your loved one or. 

Codi Loughrin: Pieces of your identity. Right. And for me, I was very much a working woman, a single income provider, a working mom, community advocate, the school volunteer, all of the things and all of those things stopped. And so I really had to ask the Lord like, where really am I called? 

Codi Loughrin: And I quickly found that there was just this lack of hope in these communities because when people are [00:27:00] diagnosed with these chronic illnesses, they almost become their illness. And I. Quickly you can lose that hope. And so I really felt that it was important to remind them that although you may need a mobility aid or you may be home bound or you may be sitting in an infusion chair for four hours a day, three times a week. 

Codi Loughrin: You can still make an impact on the world around you, whether it's through the internet or, chats or video groups. That there's still more to life, right, than your diagnosis. And so. That came, a group called Anchored Wildflower. I started taking classes in life coaching, and then through fostering also developed a platform which was totally unexpected, called The Faithful Foster, which was very similar to, in the sense of just the hope that you needed to get through. 

Codi Loughrin: So, The anchored wildflower really is my [00:28:00] heart and my passion. So that is, really focused around just chronic illness and grief and support through that.  

Emily Jones: Yeah. And how helpful or valuable has it been for you too? Have a good community of people that are going through the same thing, or people that are like-minded or being able to connect with other people online. 

Emily Jones: Whether you're sharing your story or you resonate with another story that's being shared how has that kind of helped your healing or grieving journey?  

Codi Loughrin: So I think it's always great to have community, right? I think the Birth of Brave Widow is such a beautiful thing and I've been able to have a backseat to that and watch you take what was some of the most painful days of your life and just, I've watched you bloom and grow and, it's been so great to watch. 

Codi Loughrin: That and I have felt very similar. When you're able to connect with people who just get it, they just have felt. That deepest, darkest pain that I can try to share with someone, and someone [00:29:00] else can try to empathize, but I will never understand. You know exactly where it is and, while I. 

Codi Loughrin: You and I have talked before, we empathize with each other, but, that person on the other end with mine, they know what it's like to go to the grocery store with a walker at 40 years old and have those looks right. And so bringing those people together in a community. They've experienced a lot of the same things, or they know what it's like and the frustration of sitting on hold with, just trying to get a lab scheduled and sitting on hold for hours and those day-to-day frustrations that some people don't even realize are part of a chronic illness. 

Codi Loughrin: It's not just being. Sick. It's so many logistics that come with it. It's so many canceled plans. It's, I mean, just recently you and I had huge canceled plans that were devastating and I said the whole weekend cried. So I think, we, I. Having that community is so important because on the worst days you have people to turn to that have been there and had those worst days, [00:30:00] and they may have a solution or an answer that you haven't thought of yet, or they might be one step ahead in the journey and say, Hey, I've been there. 

Codi Loughrin: You're gonna get through it. And just having that is so important and just not walking alone, like, I think our tendency is, To kind of retreat. And I think the enemy, like we've talked about this before, I think if you're a person of faith, I think one of the enemy's number one tools is to isolate us and to get us alone and get into our heads and tell us, we don't have a purpose anymore and we don't have things. 

Codi Loughrin: And I think making sure that we stay connected, and make sure that we're surrounded by that love is so important. Yeah,  

Emily Jones: I do too. And you're right. I think we both, we hibernate. Yeah. As we  

Codi Loughrin: need to. We're hibernate. We pull each other out a lot, I think. Yeah.  

Emily Jones: Yeah. And, at times that may be needed, but I think, to truly isolate yourself is a very lonely, it's like one of those sayings like, I wanna be, [00:31:00] Alone but not lonely. 

Emily Jones: So, you  

Codi Loughrin: know, it, it's, so I think solitude is good. Isolation is not. Yeah. Right. That's right. So I think that's something that, I think it's very important to have solitude. I am an introvert. I need my quiet time. People are great, but sometimes I just need to be alone. But I think. Isolation can be dangerous. 

Codi Loughrin: So I do think it's important though, to take time for you to take time and to feel the feels and, to sit in nature, my favorite places, my back porch, and to listen to the birds and watch the flowers grow. But making sure that you are not so isolated that you lose touch. 

Emily Jones: Yeah I totally agree. And. Community was a big piece of helping me feel normal. Yes. Helping me feel like I wasn't, the only one alone who felt a certain way or was struggling with certain things. And to just see how so many people responded differently or what their perspectives were on it. 

Emily Jones: I know that was really [00:32:00] helpful for me. So, okay. Talk a little bit about, the person who's still feeling very raw, maybe they're in the position that you were early on, maybe they're just struggling to even comprehend like, wow, this is my new normal. What words of encouragement or hope would you give to that  

Codi Loughrin: person? 

Codi Loughrin: So, I think I would share exactly what my beautiful friends and professional counselors shared with me. I think, feel the feels. Don't. Discredit the fact that it hurts and it's hard. You need to let those emotions feel 'cause otherwise they bubble up. So, in the beginning I definitely was more like, it's gonna be okay. 

Codi Loughrin: It's gonna be okay. And I didn't, I. Feel that rawness right away. And so, another kind of grieving incident came up and I was amazed how that kind of compounded and all of a sudden I was feeling it all at once, which was very [00:33:00] overwhelming. And I think when you're raw, I think it's okay. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel angry. 

Codi Loughrin: One of the things that I do that's very helpful to me is journal. Write it down. Write down all of the things that you had hoped for, but then journal the positive too, right? Start dreaming. Maybe you have loss, but. Don't be afraid to start thinking, okay, but what can I do? And slowly I think that challenges you to kind of dream again. 

Codi Loughrin: And don't be afraid to ask for help. If you feel like it just hurts so much. Don't be afraid to. The beautiful thing about online communities like this is you can join from the comfort of your own home. You don't have to go out to a big luncheon or even get dressed. You can be in your sweatpants, right? 

Codi Loughrin: And so I think early on, when it's fresh and it's new, find a community like Brave Widow. And really, connect, connect with [00:34:00] somebody. And if it's a loved one, it's a family member. And take one step at a time. Take one task at a time. If it's taking a shower and getting dressed in those early days, like consider that a victory and a success. 

Codi Loughrin: And each day try one more thing. And celebrate that. Celebrate that And the hope will come. The hope will come. If you find yourself stuck in that rawness for too long, it's okay to seek professional help. It's important to seek professional help. And there's a lot of, grief counselors out there. 

Codi Loughrin: There's grief coaches out there. I know you are certified and able to meet. I think that there's just. Don't be afraid to ask for help, because that's very normal. And I think I was a little bit in the beginning. I thought like, I've gotta handle this on my own. Like, I'm strong, I'm able, I'm the helper. 

Codi Loughrin: Right? And I think it's important to even in the rawness and the realness, find someone you trust. I'm grateful and thankful you and I have had lots of tears and lots of [00:35:00] real and raw, but, I have a blessed friend in that you have to find that genuine friend that you can just say, today is a really bad day. 

Codi Loughrin: And find that. Yeah. Yeah.  

Emily Jones: I definitely agree. And thank you for the plug there.  

Codi Loughrin: But  

Emily Jones: I I would also tell people that healing is a choice. So, you can choose not to heal time. Doesn't magically do that for you. So to Cody's point, Find support, find a community, find a coach. But you have to take action and do the work to begin that healing journey. 

Emily Jones: Or you very well can be stuck in some pretty volatile grief. So,  

Codi Loughrin: And it does compound. It does compound because there was. Through this journey. I will say that there is grief that came up from, I lost a brother, a few years back unexpectedly and things that came up that I realized through this grief journey that I hadn't fully, I. 

Codi Loughrin: Addressed. And it's [00:36:00] amazing. And I know you had a another podcast on kind of the compounded grief and, I definitely say like, choose to heal because life happens and there will be more grief, whether it's another loss or, a change in direction or life changes and it's hard. 

Codi Loughrin: It's very hard. As it becomes heavier and heavier, that weight is harder to lift.  

Emily Jones: Yeah, it is. And that's an excellent point. And what some people don't realize as well is suppressed emotions will manifest physically in the body. So it can cause all kinds of health issues. If you don't feel the feels as you said. 

Emily Jones: And my coach, Dr. Betsy, she loves to say, you gotta a feel to heal. Yeah. So, yeah I think that's, A very important step. Well, thank you so, so much for, letting me coerce you to come on this show today. And if people wanna learn more about you, if people wanna reach out and connect with you we'll put all the links in the show [00:37:00] notes, but if you'll just remind people where they can find you and maybe the best way that they can get in touch with you if you want, that would be great. 

Codi Loughrin: Sure. So it's at Anchored Wildflower. You can find us on Facebook and Instagram. Just, really quick, I just wanna share the development of Anchored Wildflower just came from the fact throughout this journey that, wildflowers grow in the most random places. They They are not tended to by any person. 

Codi Loughrin: Only the Lord takes care of them. So they are watered, they are brought sunshine and they are beautiful in many different places, many different environments despite, all that may come against them. So, and in that they are anchored and they're anchored in the Lord. So, I hope that in anchored Wildflower it's. 

Codi Loughrin: A lot of information for our chronic illness friends. Also just a grief journey. You can find it on Instagram or Facebook website coming soon. And also you can follow the Faithful Foster [00:38:00] if you are a foster care mama or any part of foster care. I also have. That platform that's specific to foster care and support through there. 

Codi Loughrin: So, and of course, always Brave Widow Community is a great resource. All right. Well thank you. Thank you so much. Bye.  

Emily Jones: Hey guys. Thank you so much for listening to the Brave Widow Podcast. I would love to help you take your next step, whether that's healing your heart, finding hope, or achieving your dreams for the future. 

Emily Jones: Do you need a safe space to connect with other like-minded widows? Do you wish you had how-tos for getting through the next steps in your journey, organizing your life or moving through grief? What about live calls where you get answers to your burning questions? The Brave Widow Membership Community is just what you need. 

Emily Jones: Inside you'll find courses to help guide you, a community of other widows to connect with, live coaching and q and a calls, and small group coaching where you can [00:39:00] work on what matters most to you. Learn how to heal your heart, find hope, reclaim joy, and dream again for the future. It is possible. Head on over to brave widow.com to learn more.